Is a loved one pale, with a deathly complexion, crusting and lesioned skin? Are they groaning and croaking and incapable of coherent speech? Are they lurching around in an ungainly manner? Do you know the zombie drill?
STOP!
Don't decapitate them yet!
They might not have the zombie plague. Zombi-like symptoms may be deceiving! I got badly chapped lips from the cold and wind, and the chapping got infected, so I had scabs and crust and sores around my mouth. This horrible crustiness was combined with my fluey complexion - pale skin, drippy nose, puffy eyes - made me look a bit like the living dead for a bit, and not the cool vampire type. This was not really helped by a sore throat that left me croaking and moaning, unable to speak normally. I was all achey from the flu, and groggy (although I'm not sure if that is from the flu or the medication) and stumbling around.
It is vital to check someone is really a zombie before decapitating them; you can't just sew their head back on if you get it wrong. Well, you can, but ask Dr. Frankenstein about how that turned out.
This was hilarious! I take it someone tried to behead you...?
ReplyDeleteNo, only a bit of joking around only about "Quick! Fetch the katana!"
DeleteHa ha ha! That's an important public health reminder. ;) I hope you are feeling better.
ReplyDeleteI was feeling much better yesterday, and went into work fine, tried the same thing today, and am sick again :( Am wondering if going into work yesterday was premature.
DeleteDefinitely made me giggle
ReplyDeleteWhile I usually aim to inform and educate, once in a while I decide to amuse and entertain ;)
DeleteThe question is, would I dare draw close enough to the person with the crusty appearance in order to determine if she's a zombie or not? Hmm...
ReplyDeleteIt's too risky. Off with her head!
The best approach is to ask from a distance. Your question will be unintelligible to a real zombie, but a sick person will try and answer. Listen carefully in case they have a sore throat - you don't want to mistake words for zombie groans.
DeleteI'll just invest in a steel neck-corset between now and when my face heals, and pray that I meet no zombie-hunters with projectile weapons, and if I do, that they are a lousy shot :P