Goth Is Not Inherently Satanic

I got harrassed for being a Goth by a stranger professing the grounds of Christianity, and attempting to convert me away from Satanism as reason to berate me. 

Yesterday, I was out busking in town, in relatively Gothic clothes, wearing my red wig, and playing my usual fare of traditional Scottish, Irish and other European folk tunes, and this  middle-aged man who was clearly drunk came up to me, and started going about how I play "mystical stuff that goes back to the 12th century" (a reference to an incoherent comment he'd made about Greensleeves at me several months ago; I'm surprised he'd remembered it, because I had, until that point, forgotten about it) and then started going on about how I "don't have to wear black, and dye your [my] hair red" (I pointed out that I was wearing a wig, but he didn't seem to be listening) and then went on to get into my personal space and loudly and aggressively deride being a Goth as Satanic, and tell me that he's a Christian and that I should, to paraphrase him 'find my Saviour'. I tried my best to explain that Goth has no religious affiliation and that it is simply an aesthetic preference, but he kept insisting that it was indeed Satanic. As he later went on to inform that he'd been an alcoholic, and then "clean for 2 years" but had "done a runner three days ago", I decided that his words and actions were the product of mental illness and addiction, and not to take them to heart. He said he would pray for me, and I thanked him for his prayers. I decided silently that I would pray for him too, for that after 2 years clean and then relapsing, he finds his way back to sobreity, and that he would get the help and support to do so, and find the inner strength too, because I know addiction is a hard battle to fight. Just as he left, two of my Goth friends came up to me, saying they weren't sure whether to intervene, as he had just harrassed them for being Goths too, asking them questions about their religious beliefs and condemning them to Hell for not matching his. 

It was a complex situation, and even though he railed at us and condemned us, his actions were clearly a sign of his own struggles and I could not bring myself to be harsh with him, and he did give me a £5 note, so at least he was generous as well as religiously harrassing (not that giving me money ameliorates bad behaviour, and I do wonder if he thought giving me money was simply a way to get my time). I didn't know what to do about the situation; I felt cornered because busking generally means I have to stand with my back to a wall to avoid being in the way of pedestrians, and although people were walking by, nobody helped me and I could not see any security guards or police, although I did feel that they might just treat him as another obnoxious drunk, when he probably needed more nunaced help than that. 

This got me thinking that it is a common misconception that Goth is synonymous with Satanism, or at least that it is inherently Satanic, and I feel like it would be productive to break down that misconception.

Goth is simply a subculture that is focused on having an appreciation for the morbid, dark and spooky in music, fashion, art and literature; it has no religious affiliation at all, and Goths come from all religions as well as agnostic and atheists. 

That is the short response, but does not really contain any nuance, not does it explain why Goths sometimes use Satanic imagery, or gives any differentiated understanding of how occult themes tie into the Gothic, and as such does little to shed light on how Goth is not Satanic even though it looks like it could be.

Satanic imagery is used within the Gothic subculture for several reasons.

Sometimes Satanic imagery is used for shock value, especially by those who feel constrained by a conservative cultural backdrop and wish to differentiate themselves as other, as part of something taboo, dark and frightening. Often it is teens who do this, and it is not representative of the wearer's/displayer's true religious or spiritual beliefs, but part of a more complicated process of wishing to separate themselves and create their own identity. Often, this is a passing phase - either because all interest in dark and spooky things is a passing phase, or because they mature into somebody more onfident in their identity, rather than identifying themsleves oppositionally to others. Some people carry this behaviour on into adulthood, but usually this is a behaviour that people mature out of. Often, Satanic imagery used for shock value is not used in a way that is coherent with the actual uses of those symbols within Satanism or the occult, and is often mixed up with symbols from other religious and spiritual groups (I have seen the Star of David and Wiccan symbols appropriated into this sort of shock-value pseudo-Satanism, but that is another matter entirely.)

Some Goths actually are Satanists, but they are a minority even within the Goth scene - these people will use Satanic symbols correctly, and tend not to advertise their Satanic affiliations. Most of the actual Satanists I know personally are not Goths; they tend to be more "nerdy" and less into the theatric and ostentatious aesthetics of Goth. Most of the Satanists I have met subscribe to a version of Satanism where Satan is an archetype of independence, hedonism and suchlike, rather than a deliberately Anti-Christian worship of the Devil. I have never met an actual Devil-worshipper, someone who subscribes to a Christian theology and cosmology, but looks towards Hell and the Devil rather than to Heaven and Jesus - I am not saying they do not exist, just that such people must be quite rare, even amongst Gothic and Occult circles.

Sometimes people mistake Neo-Pagan iconography and symbolism for Satanic imagery, for example confusion can arise over the use of pentacles and pentagrams (and their inverted variations), and this is exascerbated by the misuse of these symbols (please read ::this:: article on the 'occult trend' I wrote earlier this year). Neo-Paganism is a religion that has no concept of an adversarial dichotomy, with no Hell or Satan. Some people hold the belief that all things other than their specific religious path are Satanic or at least a distraction or deception from what they see as the truth, but outside of that belief structure, there is little in Neo-Paganism that could mark it as anything Satanic, any more than say, Buddhism or Hinduism; it is a completely different belief system to any of the monotheistic faiths. As Goths often have an interest in the spiritual, and are apt to look outside conventional spirituality for answers, there are quite a few Neo-Pagans within Goth, but again, not all Goths are Neo-Pagans, and not all Neo-Pagans are Goths (quite a few dress very 'mainstream' and others -a significant proportion- are more inclined towards Hippy and 'Bohemian' aesthetics.).

There are some people who feel badly hurt by Christianity, or who see it as a destructive force, and who use Christian symbols and anti-Christian symbols as a critique of Christianity and the power of organised religion; sometimes this falls into the territory of shock-value, and sometimes it is done with more refinement and nuance, but this is not unique to Goth, even though it does exist within the Gothic subculture, nor is it something you have to engage in as a Goth. Goths tend to be people who have been outcast by the traditional community structures, and that can include the Church, and/or people who use Christianity as an excuse to harasss people they disagree with (a bit like the man in my opening paragraphs) - as such, there are probably a greater percentage of Goths who do this than non-Goths. Personally, even as an apostate, I find this sort of thing can often be more harmful and rectionary than productive. I don't think religions should be beyond criticism or critique, but I do think that there ways to go about doing this, and there are ways that are just rude and mean, where the message is lost in the missive.

There are, of course, more than these four contexts, but these are the four most common contexts and reasons for the use of Satanic imagery within the Gothic subculture. Sometimes it is used in the traditional way it was used within Gothic horror; as a symbol for various evils or villainry that a good person can come across, for example.

The use of Satanic imagery is not inherent to Goth - the use of dark imagery is, but not all dark imagery has to come from the cultural/religious context of Heaven and Hell, God and the Devil - there are plenty more traditions to draw from, and a lot of Gothic imagery comes from European folk-tales, sometimes more entwined with Christianity. The imagery of death, decay, transience and similar are part of the human experience, and appear in different ways across all cultures. There is plenty of positive Christian iconography used in Goth as well - but that is a topic for different blog entry entirely (and something I would quite like to write about, and get some of my Christian Goth friends to write guest posts for, but that is for a different time). Not everything dark is Satanic even in a Christian context; the Bible is full of stories about people who had to overcome pain, suffering and violence, and the very concepts of martyrdom and Christ as crucified saviour involve death and sacrifice; not everything that is dark is inherently negative.

Goths are not synonymous with Satanists, we are not a group who worship the Devil or are anti-Christian; we are diverse with diverse perspectives outside of things that are actually Goth (of which specific religious affiliation is not). There are quite a few Goths who are Christians, and there are Goths who are Jewish, Muslim, and members of other monotheistic faiths. There are even Goth priests - check out the ::Priestly Goth Blog:: for example. You cannot tell someone's religion by their subcultural affiliation. 

Side note: if you wish to convert someone to your faith, condemning them and berating them will have the exact opposite effect; you are more likely to drive that person away from the religion you profess than convert them. 

World Goth Day 2015

Official World Goth Day Logo,
used hoepfully within their permitted uses.

May 22nd of each year is World Goth Day, as the ::official website:: describes it: "a day where the goth scene gets to celebrate its own being, and an opportunity to make its presence known to the rest of the world". Considering what happened to ::Sophie Lancaster:: and that Goths worldwide continue to get harrassment and violence simply for having different tastes to the norm, I feel that a day to celebrate the subculture's existence is both necessary and positive. We ought to be proud of what the subculture is, what it has achieved (and not just creatively) and of the the sorts of people we are - eccentrics, artists, musicians, romantics of a modern sort, creative folk. Goth is a haven for the morbidly curious and weirdly interesting, it is a subculture in which we can find likeminded individuals and talk about our interests without scorn or derision, and we should be proud of Goth.

Work outfit. Selfies by HouseCat

I always try and 'get my Goth on' on World Goth Day, but this year, it fell on a work day. I almost always wear all black at work these days anyway - today's outfit of black turtleneck and black trousers is pretty standard for my work attire. I obviosuly can't bedeck myself in spikes and studs at work although I did wear this belt with my jumper pulled over it because my trousers kept falling down. It was lumpy, but less obvious and I was searching before work for my one belt that isn't studded fruitlessly (I had left it attached to my archery quiver, as I found out that evening...) and this was slightly more appropriate than the belts with bullets, skulls and othersuch on them! 

After-work outfit. Selfies by HouseCat, glasses removed to show makeup

I added a spiked bangle, a studded cuff, a spiked collar, and the belt, and let my hair down literally. Accessories such as these are an easy way to make an outfit instantly visibly Goth without having to wear specifically-Goth items, so meant I could just stash my accessories into my bag, and put these on when I went into town after work, without much bother; a very simple transition between 'work' and 'casual' modes. This is actually, as far as outfits go, a very casual one for me to be wearing in my spare time as I prefer less contemporary, more anachronistic fashion of a Romantic Goth, Gothic Aristocrat, Visual Kei and Lolita sort - as my readers will know!

In the evening I went out in Inverness with friends, and while I was standing outside the pub we were supposed to meet at, texting my friends about where they were at as I was the first to arrive (ah, the joys of public transport), two drunken men of a chavvy attitude loudly made a wretching noise behind me, and shouted some comment about "puke green hair" and "fucking freak". It disquietened me enough to decide it was a bad idea to be standing around, looking that different, on a main street with several pubs on a Friday night, so I went to go sit in the nearby graveyard, which was deserted at that point - I guess thereby doing something most stereotypically Goth. We get harrassed on the streets by strangers, but we are not in the wrong - drunken jerks who yell insults at people they disapprove of are in the wrong. Never let people's prejudices change who you are; being Goth is neither immoral nor illegal (in most places), but insulting strangers in public is immoral, and I think it might actually be illegal in some places, especially if you are drunk (but I'm not a lawyer).

Being Neo-Pagan AND Goth

The problem with being a 'Witch' and vaguely resembling a fantasy witch is that people assume that I'm a witch based on how I look. The problem with that is that their version of 'witch' is often an assumption quite far from what I actually am, and that Goth and 'witch' are not synonyms.

There's several versions of this, and it comes from different mindsets and different assumptions, so I don't want to tackle this as if it is all the same thing. 

The first and most obvious is when non-Pagan strangers ask me if I'm a witch. There are two general versions of this; the one where the asker does not sincerely believe that I am a witch and is asking me it as a mocking question, and the one where the stranger has correlated my outfit with the idea of the fantasy sorceress and genuinely thinks that I might be a practitioner of the occult; and the rarest sort is that some have a vague idea about Wicca and modern Witchcraft and have spotted a pentacle or moon symbol somewhere upon my person, but most of those that ask are of the first two sorts, and of the second sort, they seem to think that I spend my Saturdays sacrificing goats on windswept hillsides or something with the look of fear they give me, and there's a subset of this group who are very intent on saving my soul from the Devil. 

Goth is not a religion, it does not require being a member of any religion, and you get Goths of all religions (Go look at ::Priestly Goth:: and its sister site, ::Priestly Goth Blog:: - the pages of a Pastor, painter of icons, Goth and political blogger. Not the only person who has chosen a Christian religious life that I know that also has a Goth streak!) and of none. I do think that as Goth has a Romantic aspect to it, that it tends to attract people who have a spiritual nature about them, and while yes, there are higher percentage of Goths who are on mystical and occult paths than in the general population (and I include in that Goths who follow the more mystic aspects of mainstream religions, too), it is by no means that all Goths are Pagans. 

I always find it hard to deal with these situations; I usually start with "that's an unusual question" - after all, how many other people has this person asked this question to? Probably not many, if any - and then try and figure things out from there. I don't use the word "witch" very much anyway, as I have explained in ::this:: earlier post, but my answer is going to be very different between someone who says "I noticed your pentacle ring and thought you might be Wiccan" and someone who says "Don't you Gothics (An aside: Gothic is an adjective, not a noun! People need to learn this!) worship the Devil?" I never lie, but I tend to word things carefully to neither confirm nor deny and to steer things away from me, personally. If people are ignorant but genuine curious, then I try to politely explain that they've been misinformed, if they're judgemental and going on a religious tirade, then I extricate myself from the situation. Whatever I do, I'm conscious that it will reflect on Goths as a whole, and therefore try and be as polite (but sometimes firm) as possible and make sure I do not let things devolve into an argument. 

Those who think I am some kind of crazy person and that my clothes and religion are both signs of this probably are not going to listen to any protestations otherwise, so I feel the only answer is to be a calm person and let my actions, and for those who are more than just a judgemental stranger, my life demonstrate that I am not some person wildly disconnected from reality and trying to live some delusion that they are in fact Morgan La Fey or something (there's nothing wrong with the occasional bit of dressing up as long as you're fully aware it is only a costume.) and that I am no crazier or more deluded than any other religious person may be, as there will always be the more militant atheists who try and make an issue of any religion, especially fringe religions. I am of the opinion that as long as a person is not hurting others or themselves through their religious choice, it is of no concern to others and that if you wish to engage in religious debate, it ought to be a polite discourse and not a personal attack. 

Prejudgement from Other Pagans

The Curious Professor Z wrote ::this:: very well-written, researched and thoughtful article on this topic already, and I encourage you to read it.

The most frustrating is probably when other Neo-Pagans think that Goths who are involved in Neo-Pagan spirituality, the Occult and Witchcraft are not sincere about their beliefs or, are coming at it because it is 'spooky' rather than because it connects with them on a deep and spiritual level. I find it frustrating because both Goths and Neo-Pagans are groups who have made choices that have separated them from the mainstream and opened themselves up to the assumptions, prejudice and bigotry of the ignorant, and so I'd hope that from the experience of having been judged and assumed about, that Neo-Pagans who are not Goth would be more inclined to ask questions and judge the sincerity of a person's belief on their actions, not on what subculture they are part of.

I am certainly not into Neo-Paganism as a way to deeper entrench myself in the 'spooky woman' role; this is not some blurring of the lines between everyday life and L.A.R.P. I was pagan before I was Goth, by about three years, although I definitely had Pagan attitudes and ideas that aligned with Neo-Paganism long before that, right from when I was a small child, although I did not know what Neo-Paganism was then.

To be fair, the Neo-Pagans I am currently involved with in my local area seemed pretty open and willing to give me a chance when I joined groups and starting getting involved with the Neo-Pagan community here, and I think that's partly because as the Alternative community in general is small here, people who stand out because they act and dress differently and their thoughts do not align with those of the majority, stick together, whether they're hippies, Neo-Pagans and Witches and other people who practice Alternative spiritualities, Metalheads, Goths, or any combination of the above or people who I haven't mentioned yet. My encounters with Neo-Pagans who have been judgemental have primarily been online. I think the internet is a medium through which some people forget their manners, as there is a distance in typing at a screen that can make people fail to realise there is still another human somewhere reading a different screen at a different keyboard, but not that unlike them.

The other assumption about being a Goth and a Neo-Pagan is that there are other Neo-Pagans who think that we practice curses and magic for evil purposes, that we sacrifice living things and are liable to commit some kind of sacrilegious practice or whatnot, and I think that comes from the same misinformed place as the non-Pagans that think this; they think Goth is somehow linked to 'black magic' (side note: magic does not come in 'black' and 'white'; a growth spell or a love spell can be just as destructive as a diminishment spell or separation spell, and the latter two can actually be used helpfully) and evil practices, and it just is not! It is a common misconception, but it just is not true. Goth does not have any religious affiliation, and does not involve a deliberate desire to be purposefully immoral in any spiritual or more mundane way.

As per usual, I remind people to check their assumptions, or rather, to try and avoid assumptions and to approach things from a place of learning. Goth is a subculture encompassing fashion, art, music and an appreciation for darker things; it is not an anti-moral code, a religion or a cult and has no bearing on what a person choses to be their religious, spiritual or atheist path. 

Politeness And Goth Part 1: Why Be Polite?

In many ways, I feel like I shouldn't have to write this, and that everyone should be polite and well-mannered anyway, but the world doesn't work like that, sadly. A lot of rudeness gets directed at us Goths by people who are prejudiced, judgemental, and ignorant of who we are, but sometimes we Goths don't act politely either. 

I know that Goth, as an offshoot of Punk, has its roots in a subculture that used profanity, rudeness and shock tactics as means of political and societal protest, but Goth was a departure from Punk, and most of us are not engaged in a countercultural protest, in fact quite a few of us, myself included, are quite keen to point that our dress and lifestyle is not an act of deliberate rebellion, that we aren't trying to be some sort of non-conformists, or acting like this for any kind of audience or attention, but rather that we are just have a different set of tastes and values than the mainstream. 

Anyway, when wider society has a negative opinion of us anyway, confirming that opinion by acting rudely does not really shock; it is far more unsettling for us to be pleasant, nice people because then that forces them to confront that their pre-conception was wrong, and depending on what sort of framework of notions about the world that this pre-conception rested on, forces them to confront to some degree the under-pinning ideas. Jillian Venters of the amazing ::Gothic Charm School:: calls this concept 'subversion by politeness' and it was reading her articles that gave me something to coalesce my own ideas about this topic. 

If you go out dressed visibly Goth, then people will, on some level, see you as representative of the subculture as a whole. If they associated Goth-looking (and most mainstream people can only do a best-guess at subcultures from appearance) people with rudeness and anti-social behaviour, then it will reflect badly on the rest of us, even those that are not involved - also, people tend to assume that all local Goths know each other (I very frequently get strangers ask me if I know someone specific because that person is also Goth... I'm pretty well connected to the local subculture, but I don't know every Goth between Fort William and Aberdeen!) and therefore if you do something that upsets people, that can have repercussions on other local Goths, or if over the internet, Goths in general. 

Being a polite can genuinely change people's perceptions of Goths, or at least the individual being polite. A while ago, before I moved to Scotland, I used to frequent a little cafe with Raven. I went there more than he did, because it was where I was living at the time, and he was still living in a different country! Anyway, we'd still go there whenever he came to visit, and I would go there in-between times for take-away hot drinks and rather yummy cakes. Initially the owner was a bit afraid of me; she saw someone who looked spooky, with a coffin-shaped hand-bag (apparently that was particularly spooky) and all the anachronistic fashion I usually wear, but then, because I was always friendly, polite and cheerful, she realised that I wasn't a scary person after all, just a spooky-looking eccentric, and neither was Raven. Raven and I made it a tradition that on the last day of his visits to me, we would go there for afternoon tea, complete with cakes, etc. and with regular custom began to build something of a rapport with the staff. I think this is part of why people like Jillian Venters of Gothic Charm School and I want to encourage good manners so much; when people assume the worst of you on sight, you have make it very obvious that the worst isn't true, and it can change people's minds about old assumptions. 

If it is likely that people assume the worst, then you have to put in a bit of extra effort into making the good parts of your personality shine through, because people's prejudices can blind them. I am not suggesting being fake, only that it is important to take into account how others around you will react, and to consider what will be the most beneficial course of action to all involved. 

Sophie Lancaster: Six Years On

Six years ago, on August 24 2007, Sophie Lancaster was murdered for looking different. 

I have posted before about who Sophie Lancaster was, and what happened to her. It was a horrible and evil thing, and that is not what I want to focus on here. I want to focus on what has changed and what the S.O.P.H.I.E foundation set up in her memory has done to make at least the UK a better place for visibly Alternative people like myself. I think that setting up the S.O.P.H.I.E project was probably one of the best things that could be done in her memory. Hopefully through their work, the likelihood of such an attack happening again will decrease. In February 2014, the staged version of Black Roses by Simon Armitage will be playing at the Royal Exchange in Manchester. I am not local, too far North in the Highlands of Scotland, but I suggest that those Goths and alternative people in Manchester show their support. Quite a few creative endeavours have been inspired by Sophie, which reminds me of the songs written in memory and honour of murdered Texan punk Brian Deneke.  

Please watch this short film; it's very sad, and I always cry when I watch it, but I think it is important to see. This is the official Dark Angel video. It is beautifully illustrated and animated. I will say to more sensitive readers/viewers, that it does deal with some dark and violent material, and might be quite upsetting. For those who are of a sturdier disposition, though, I think it is definitely important viewing. 

This year, in Manchester, attacks based on subcultural affiliation have been recognised under the same hate-crime legislation as attacks based on things like religion. I think this is an important step because while some hatred types are about things a person cannot choose (like skin colour, disability, sexual orientation where they are from, etc.) some are about lifestyle choices (wearing non-traditionally gendered clothes, symbols of choice of religion, etc.) which are important to that person being true to their inner selves and being outwardly Goth or whatnot is as important to many as those other choices. It might be just clothes, but is also an outward representation and show of affiliation to the subculture we belong and our inner selves, and heck, I feel like I am dressed up as someone else when I am NOT wearing my Goth clothes. I really hope that this is adopted nation wide. I have written about this topic at greater length ::here:: in a full-length blog-post. 

Their work with schools, and the creation of ::this:: pack including the Sophie Game, and a DVD of the video above,  that gives a tangible resource for teens to learn about tolerance for those who are different is probably my favourite contribution, because it focuses on the intolerance that is the cause underneath the aggression and harassment on the streets. Most of the harassment I have had, and undoubtedly the worst instances, were perpetrated by teens, and not just by my peers while I was a teen myself. I have been harassed by gangs of teenage boys who are otherwise complete strangers to me right up to a couple of months ago. It is an important demographic to target, and from the responses I have read on the S.O.P.H.I.E page, many teenagers have found both Mrs. Lancaster's talks to be very moving, and the work they have done in school based on the packs to be educational. I completely encourage the education of young people about prejudice against alternative types, especially as it is often in their teen years when people will experiment with joining various subcultures, that it was a gang of teens that murdered Sophie Lancaster. 

Goths will always be outsiders, because we like things that most people don't, and come from a perspective that is often radically different (we tend to go "cool!" at what others go "eek!" over.), but that does not mean we should be outcasts and the victims of hatred. We might not want to join the mainstream, but that does not mean we should get abused, beaten and, in the case of Sophie Lancaster, killed. Tolerance and an acceptance of different is not a lot to ask, but sadly it is so hard to get. 

✯♥✯

The Sophie Lancaster Foundation

Stamp Out Prejudice, Hatred & Intolerance Everywhere

✯♥✯

In terms of any more can be done, I think diversity education aimed at the attitudes to difference in primary school children would be a good idea. I also think it shouldn't be up to a small charity to do these things. 

I think several primary-school aged children have written into Gothic Charm School as interested in the subculture, and I know that while I wasn't a Goth as a small child, I was gender-stereotype non-conforming and dressed pretty much as a boy, and that didn't always garner a pleasant reaction. I am not saying that young children should be taught about Goth and Punk and Lolita, etc. except in the broadest of terms - along the lines of that there are people that like wearing clothes that might look unusual and listen to a variety of kinds of music, and have unusual hobbies, and that this doesn't make them bad people, just different. I do realise that, especially with Metal, Goth and Punk, that there are aspects of those subcultures that are not age-appropriate for primary children. Goth is, after all, a subculture founded on appreciation for things that are dark, scary and morbid. What I am saying is that there should be work to prevent the basic attitudes of 'different = bad' from forming. 

Aside: There are age-appropiate versions of traditionally Gothic themes; just look at Monster High dolls and the Hotel Transylvania film, not to mention a good few of the movies Tim Burton worked on! I read 'Goosebumps' books and Point Horror, the Little Vampire and plenty of other children's books that were both spooky and age appropriate. Toned-down versions of Gothic themes do exist and there are plenty of children that enjoy them. 

Education on the existence of alternative and minority groups should not be entirely focused on specific groups, and when it is, it should run a bit deeper than festivals, landmarks, symbols, clothing and food. I remember doing a project about Pakistan, a project about China, and a project about Islam, but I know little about life in any of these cultures, and I was hardly the kind of student that didn't pay attention. I do, however, know about Chinese New Year, that the Great Wall is nearly 4,000 miles of wall, a bit about painted vehicles, that Islamabad is the capital of Pakistan, and how to wear a head-scarf in a particular way, and that having take-out for lunch is far tastier than school dinners. Instead I think there should be an emphasise on learning to appreciate difference instead of feeling threatened by it, about learning to be politely inquisitive instead of rude and assuming, about learning to differentiate between popular misinformed stereotypes and reality etc. - skills equally applicable for interacting with any group of people outside the pupil's own communities, and learning to see people as individuals rather than as members of homogenous groups and stereotypes. 

Most small children are actually quite curious anyway, and the prejudices and closed-mindedness are things they seem to (from my experience) start to pick up on around aged 7 to 9, and they pick it up from closed-minded adults around them. Sometimes even younger children pick up on this. I guess the important thing is to aim attempts to build the skills that keep them curious and open-minded about other cultures, subcultures and lifestyles and that help them to identify unpleasant stereotypes as what they are before the negative attitudes have become ingrained. While it isn't impossible, it is a lot harder to change someone's mind once they have latched onto an idea, and remedial action based on dispelling stereotypes and undoing prejudices are again generally targeted on specific groups (e.g tackling homophobia, tackling racism, tackling Islamophobia, etc.). I also understand that certain groups have historically and contemporaneously been marginalised and oppressed, and learning about these things is important too, but the world is really too diverse a place to teach about every single form of diversity individually. 

Confidence And Being Visibly Alternative In Public

I am more confident in my full Romantic Goth gear than I would be in jeans & t-shirt. 

I actually feel really uncomfortable when I'm not dressed Goth; I feel like I am wearing the costume of being somebody else. I am certainly comfortable with being alternative in public, even as obviously so as to wear long skirts, corsets, frock-coats and wigs in town.

I have seen several video and read several articles about this sort of thing, and here is my take on it.

I dress for only myself, and wear what I think is beautiful, and my tastes in clothes are far more layered, detailed, extravagant and anachronistic than most people's, and this to me is too eclectic to be formal-wear, even if the materials (like the jacquard and lace) are often thought of as too luxurious for everyday wear. For formal wear, I would wear either a dress, or a matching set.

The trick to being confident is realising that you are the ultimate judge of your own beauty, not some random stranger. You don't know the strangers by default of definition - you can't know the motivations for a passing comment; they could be complimenting you, but really think what your wearing is hideous (perfect example of this in the film 'Mean Girls') and be insulting you despite actually liking what you wear because they want to show off to their friends (<sarcasm> because insulting strangers really demonstrates how macho you are! </sarcasm>) so there's no point in taking stead in their opinions; although I think genuine compliments are fairly easily identified, and most people who make mean comments about Halloween or vampires or just shout "GOTH!" or whatever at us in the streets are doing so for the sake of being mean (because they are insecure, afraid of anything different, want to show off to the rest of their group, want to get attention etc.). Yes, some people just don't like the Goth (or other subcultural) aesthetic, but they generally don't feel the need to be publicly rude to a stranger about it, but on the other side of that, those who like your outfit may not want to publicly complement you.

Diamonds, clubs and the Ace of Hearts
Phone-cam selfie.

The only people you should listen to about your appearance are those who genuinely want to help you with it, for example friends and family and even then, you are allowed to disagree with them. My Dad is accepting of me being Goth, but actually prefers it when I wear black trousers, Doc Martens or New Rocks, a black turtle-neck, studded cuffs, etc. because he prefers a more practical aesthetic and thinks my "frilly stuff" is too busy for his tastes. I happen to disagree, and continue to wear frills when they won't get in the way. (See ::this:: post for my more practical aesthetic). Of course, sometimes friends will have a valid point and will try and broach any fashion advice politely. It's a tricky subject, and a tact minefield.

The second trick is being comfortable with your own appearance. If you feel pretty and feel comfortable, others will be more relaxed about it. The more self-conscious you are, the more you will subconsciously project that. If you really like your own appearance, then your own self-belief will shine through and you will carry yourself better and look pretty. 

If, when I look in the mirror before I go out, I look just how I want to, then I am confident to wear it in public. If something doesn't look quite right, then I will either try it and see (perhaps later in the day I will like it) if it is something minor, or simply change whatever it is that doesn't work. My reference point is my own aesthetic taste, and yes, that is inspired by other things I have seen, as nobody is truly original (only innovative). My tastes are influenced by photographs I've seen of other Goths, and people into Aristocrat, New Romantic, Lolita and other fashions, as well as high-fashion garments, costuming for stage and screen productions, works of art, historical fashions, works of fantasy etc. 

An important thing is being able to distinguish art from reality - high-concept fashion shoots are art, an inspiration, not a reflection of real life, and even a lot of other photographs have been improved with the aid of a computer, even if it is only to tweak the lighting, colour-balance, contrast, etc. and models tend to try and pose in flattering ways. Nobody looks like a perfect photograph all the time, not even professional models. Some people are highly photogenic, but even they have their 'derpy' moments and their off-days. 

I pay attention to the small details; for example having makeup-swirls that compliment the designs on my clothes, keeping strictly to a limited colour palette, carefully coordinating glove length to sleeve length and hosiery to skirt/trousers and making sure that the shoes and handbag compliment each other. I am picky about which jewellery I am wearing, which hair accessories, how I have styled my hair, and my wig. Once I know I have every small detail just how I like them, I feel pretty - but I am a perfectionist, and not everyone cares about that level of detail. Personally, I feel that it is an important part of being stylish and well coordinated, but some people revel in the deliberately clashing, or wear things that don't go simply because one of the items is of too much sentimental value to take off, or it just simply is not their priority.

If such ways of paying attention to detail make you feel more confident in your appearance, then do them, but don't agonise too much, though - you shouldn't end feeling like you just can't get close enough to perfection to go out, however many times you re-tie your bows, whatever necklace you wear, however many times you re-do your makeup, or whatever you do your hair or whatever. Remember, nobody is perfect, and it isn't perfection you should be aiming at. If you see a photograph that looks perfect, chances are it is a) a studio set up and b) a digitally altered image - and if you get too flawless, it can actually be uncanny and inhuman (which is fine if you want to look like a living doll, a vampire or a robot, but not so good if that is not your thing). Also, some of my prettiest outfits have come together out of whatever wasn't in the laundry. Sometimes over-planning can make me, and therefore probably others, look fussy and too much like I'm in a costume or going to a specific event or in a costume.

Also remember that really fancy wardrobes take time to assemble; I mentioned this in ::this:: previous post. Sometimes it can be a while before you have a whole outfit to wear - just be patient, keep saving/sewing/thrifting, and you will have all the parts. It doesn't mean you look ugly without the whole outfit, just that you haven't got what you want yet. Of course, some things just don't work without the rest matching; for example a fancy Victorian blouse can look a bit out of place with ordinary skirts and trousers, but  if you buy things in stages you can look quite nice, and gradually become more ornate/unusual.

If you are wanting to wear something particularly fancy out (like corsets, petticoats under skirts, hooped skirts, really high platform boots, trailing skirts, wigs, fancy headdresses, etc.) then wear them at home first; some of these things are going to feel strange, perhaps slightly uncomfortable, when you first wear them, and you will, with some, need to adapt to moving slightly differently because of restricted movement, altered balance, or increased size (large skirts catching on things, knocking things over, catching antlers or headdresses on door-frames, being taller in really high boots, etc.). Until you feel 'naturalised' and comfortable in those garments. If you are doing something that radically alters your appearance, then it might take some time for you to get used to your own new appearance! This has happened when I have had radically different hair-cuts or bought wigs; re-framing my face can make it look so different that I hardly recognise myself. Again, getting used to yourself looking different in your own home can help build confidence for wearing it outside.

Once you are used to wearing things at home, wearing unusual clothes with other eccentrically dressed people can be a good stepping point. Some people are never confident to be the only unusually dressed person. I am confident enough to be different in public but on my own, yet I still feel more comfortable when there's at least one more Gothy or frilly type person with me. You might actually stand out more as a group, but you are also not having to take all the attention on your own.

Most of all, remember that there is nothing immoral about choosing to go outside looking different. There IS something immoral about trying to make others feel bad.

Yes, you WILL garner attention if you look very differently, and some people will want to ask curious questions or even photographs. If you are too busy to answer, stop for photographs, or suchlike, you are allowed to politely decline. If people are rude to you, more than likely they are looking to get a reaction, either out of some kind of sadism or because they want attention; just don't give that to them. If you are upset (and sometimes even I get upset when people are rude, especially if I am having a bad day anyway) don't show it to them. Go somewhere else, somewhere you feel comfortable, talk to someone about the negative experience (I personally rant to my other Gothy friends, who have had similar experiences), and do something that cheers you up (for me, I like sitting quietly somewhere green, so I will go sit in the park, or the meadow, or take a walk in the woods if I am really upset about anything.). 

Also, if you get a proper compliment (at least one that's not obviously a backhanded insult, sarcastic, or a patronising attempt to humour you - yes, I'm a suspicious person.), take note of it. I get more compliments than insults. It's a really nice feeling to get a genuine (or at least hopefully genuine compliment) from a stranger, and sometimes I get more lengthy positive interactions based initially on my outfits. Personally, if another alternative type compliments me, I am especially happy, because I think it is more likely that they're genuinely being nice or curious and less likely to be treating me like an interactive zoo animal, and because I like getting a compliment from people who share my tastes to some degree; I feel that it means I am doing a good job of working within that style.

With more neutral responses, I notice that sometimes people stare and do more discrete things like mutter to their friends, but as I can't tell whether that is positive or negative, and isn't really impacting on me, I ignore it. I am also not the best at reading people unless I am paying very good attention to them, and still have trouble even then, so I am also oblivious to a lot of more subtle and private reactions.

The public reaction to you will be different depending on the local demographics. Since I moved to Scotland, my compliment to insult ratio has been pretty good - I get a lot more people telling me I look nice, especially older people! I think because I prefer an anachronistic style that is inspired by funereal elegance rather than a punky style with ripped fishnets and revealing clothes (although I do wear those on occasion) that older women of a more conservative background like what I am wearing as it is feminine, modest, elegant, detailed, etc. If I am wearing fishnets and platform boots and a really short skirt or hotpants, with lots of spikes, I generally get more advances from men (and sometimes women), but fewer compliments that aren't the opening to flirtation. Oddly enough, when I have been in major cities in southern English cities, the number of insults (usually from gangs of teenage boys, young men and drunks) was much higher than the number of compliments, despite Goths being far more prevalent. There are some places where it can be downright dangerous to stand out too much, and especially to wear certain clothes - take care in areas you know to be less than safe, and tone it down if you have to. Yes, bad things can happen anywhere, but some places do harbour greater risks than others.

Lastly, in the case of extended interaction, some people have certain prejudices about various subcultures - I am talking about "Goth girls are easy sluts" and "Goths are all Satanists and devil-worshippers" and "Goths are suicidal or homicidal lunatics" and "Goths think they are vampires" other misinformed and dangerous rubbish. If you join a subculture and wear that subculture's signifiers in public, be aware that there are prejudices, and people may act on them. Try to politely correct misinformation, don't play into the negative stereotypes, and generally, be polite and sensible. Sadly, there will be times when even if you are the nicest person, others will react badly on the grounds of things they think they know about 'your kind'. That sort of thing is highly situational, but read through the experiences of others, sites like Gothic Charm School, and try to handle things in as calm and rational a manner as possible, but I know that this can be hard when people are being really horrible and irrational to you. 

Generally though, if you are a polite and sensible person, people will judge you on your actions rather than your appearances, although they may still be a tad nervous and scrutinise you more closely. Often, if you give a good impression and are polite and friendly, they will realise that their misgivings were unfounded.

Basically, there are four main points to being confident in alternative clothes in public: 
✯You are the ultimate judge of whether or not you look nice, not others. 

✯If you feel comfortable in your clothes, you will come over better. Get used to things in your own space if you need to first. 

✯Reactions vary between places - a good indication of how they are more about the person reacting than the person being reacted to!

✯There is nothing immoral or wrong about different. 

Go out there beautiful! Wear whatever you want to wear - whether you want to be a Sweet Lolita or the darkest Goth, do it. Sometimes confidence takes time to build, but it is worth it.

Well Done Manchester Police and S.O.P.H.I.E

If anyone needs to know the importance of this in the UK, just look up the tragic, horrific murder of Sophie Lancaster and the vicious, violent assault on her boyfriend. 

And all the other cases that have got nasty enough to hit the news. 

I was not originally going to explain the good sense of including Goths and other subcultures into this legislation. Subculture, as I have mentioned before, is a life-altering choice as great as the choice of religion, and subculture, for many, is a stronger influence on daily life than local or national culture, but having read through comments on various articles reporting this story, I will.

Now I don't think the "hate crime" legislation as it stands is right. It has this rather specific set of groups of victims, and defines the hate crime by its victim rather than the hatred within the perpetrator, and I think it could be better worded to include any baseless hatred towards a random stranger due to a difference rather than personal attack. The kind of savage thugs that attacked Sophie Lancaster are liable to target anybody isolated, different, or perceived to be weak. Yes, they are as likely to attack someone for looking foreign, non-stereotypically gendered, of an unusual religion or disabled. It is just as vile and prejudiced to attack someone on the grounds of being ginger, or looking 'geeky' or having any other visually apparent difference, or even for having the wrong accent.  These things are unlikely to ever be added to the legislation. I also think that legislation that goes to further mark the victims out as 'special' is in itself divisive. 

It is the perpetrator that is more evil for being judgemental and prejudiced as well as violent, not the victim more special because they belong to a minority. 

The idea that anyone who beats up someone for being Goth or Punk or Lolita or Metal in Manchester will hopefully get penalised for their motivation and vicious intolerance of difference in the same way as the hate crimes already recognised as well as their violence is at least one good thing. This world could do with vast decrease in vicious intolerance, and the message that acting on it is wrong should go out.

I know that the hate crime legislation is partly there to promote a sense of safety amongst communities that have been traditionally the victims of institutionalised prejudice. I think the creative, self-expressive types who have formed the backbone of various subcultures (and proto-subcultures since at least the people inspired by the Pre-Raphaelites and Arts & Crafts movements) HAVE faced a certain amount of institutionalised prejudice that can best be summarised by when, at one of the primary schools I attended and before I was even vaguely Goth, I was fed up with being bullied and ostracised by my peers and got the response "well, they wouldn't pick on you if you weren't so different' as if I could suddenly change my IQ (high enough to have meant I was into secondary school things by the time I was half-way through primary), my personality (far more imaginative, I would say, than many of my peers) and my personal circumstances (terrible, and I am not explaining on the public internet). I am who I am, and I have tried being more "normal" - I couldn't deal with the stress of having to permanently act, to permanently maintain an elaborate charade of normality and the cost to my then quite fragile mental health was huge. 

Even with that, I don't think the Goth community has faced, in the UK at least, anything quite as bad as the legislated prejudices that have historically caused vast and terrible harm to people of different races and nationalities, gays, bisexuals and lesbians, transgendered people and those of non-traditional gender and gender expression, the disabled, and women. 

But that does not mean to say that we have not faced problems. 

People think I am brave because I go out of the house looking visibly Goth, as if this is some act of deliberate defiance. It isn't; I just do what everybody else does and go about my life wearing my ordinary clothes. I know my clothes look different, but that is it. I know people who adore their Gothic finery, their Lolita dresses, their cybergoth creativity, but only wear it to clubs and events and go there by car or hide under long coats. Some even only wear it at home. It's not just those who are afraid of being beaten up, or having insults yelled at them by strangers, it is those who find the stares and whispered comments, the being treated with suspicion and alarm, or as some strange curiosity rather than as a curious human. If this addition goes some way to make people feel more comfortable in public as themselves, then that at least is a good thing. 

Feminism and Anti-Trans Sentiment

After a certain rant published in the Observer, there has been a flare-up of what is seen to be an animosity between transwomen and feminists (as if these two groups can be lumped into two monolithic rivals...), stemming from outright transphobic sentiment from feminists. I'd like to start with saying that I see people as individuals, and judging them on gender expression is pretty much never going to be something that I do. I judge people on whether or not they are nice to others, and that's about it. 

Feminism was supposed to be about creating a world in which men and women were truly equal, and while there have certainly been an improvement in many societies, the world is still not an equal place, not even in countries where women are legally equals, and therefore our battles are not done. Part of what feminism has fought for is seeing women as people, and not pigeonholing them by their genitals, so it seems exceedingly hypocritical when people who call themselves feminists go around pigeonholing others according to their genitals. 

To the feminists who are quite a way outside stereotypical gendered behaviour:

On this blog I often write about stereotypically "feminine" things like dresses and makeup, fashion, etc. These are only some of my interests, and a lot more of my interests are things that are traditionally "masculine", and I know very well what it is like to be mocked, bullied, and ostracised by other women for not being girly enough, and treated badly by men for the same 'reason', and I know what it's like to have abuse hurled at me in the street for not presenting as "feminine" enough for the standards of lowlife drunks. 

{It was only a few days ago that I had "Oi! Mosher! F**k off you lesbo dyke, f**k off out of town, we don't want your kind, you aren't even f**king FEMALE" shouted at me by a gang of yobs in the town centre because I happen to prefer combat trousers, army boots, a trench-coat and a short hair-style to the short skirts, high heels, and long blonde-hair worn by many party-goers that January Friday night. I was also still listening when the same yobs shouted lewd sexual comments at the girls in heels and short skirts...}

I know that it hurts when you're on the receiving end of the prejudice against those who do not conform to gender stereotypes, but the existence of transgender people does not somehow confirm these insults to be right, and it is not another attempt to say that you, as a non-stereotypical woman, ought to go become a man, because women aren't supposed to be like that. It is the way some others want to lives, and it is not an attack against yours. 

To feminists in general:

If someone born in a biologically male-sexed body has surgery or uses other means to alter that body into one with female appearance, and live life as a woman, then they are going to receive a lot of the nasty inequalities aimed at women, as well as the prejudices that exist against transgender people. I can see why they'd want to join in with the feminist cause. Actually, I can see why any logical thinking person would want join in with the feminist cause; because anyone with any shred of empathy would realise that a world in which half the population are treated differently and as inferior to the other half is wrong. On a lot of feminist issues, whether someone is cis-gendered or trans-gendered should only really matter to their doctors and has no impact on the debate. Yes, there are certain health issues that can only affect cis-gendered women, and that things like reproductive rights issues are going to be particularly important to women who can get pregnant, but to outcast transgendered women from feminism because of this is equal to saying that cis-gendered women who have had hysterectomies, or are sterile, or whatever, cannot partake in feminism. 

Spend less time arguing about who does and does not get to be a feminist, and spend more time making the world a fairer place. Being mean to somebody else is not doing anything helpful to make others not be mean to you; this is playground stuff, I shouldn't have to explain it outside of work.

Oh, and never, ever get into the whole 'suffering Olympics' of trying to rank each other's woes and out-woe each other. Everyone's experiences are unique, and the amount of negativity they will get for being a certain minority will vary due to various factors. Really, this sort of behaviour is just pointless attempts at point-scoring. 

The Synthetic Aesthetic & Hypocrisy

Recently, Amy of ::Stripy Tights and Dark Delights:: wrote ::this:: post on Goths that denigrate people of a certain popular aesthetic (Essex Girl in the UK, Jersey Shore to an American, I would guess that a lot of places have their equivalent) for being "fake" because of the fake tan, fake eyelashes, bleached hair, fake nails, hair extensions, heavy makeup, bust augmentations, etc. etc. I am probably repeating what she said here, but it is an important message, so I feel like reiterating it in my own words on this blog 

A lot of Goths and other Alternative types are just as "fake". I certainly go around with a corseted waist, a wig, fake eyelashes, heavy makeup, a pallor that is partly nature and partly makeup (more to even it out than make me paler), high heels, piercings etc. My waist is not naturally that thin, my hair is is not actually red (not even by dye), my eyelashes are pretty long, but they don't come with feathers, and I got all those jewellery-attachment-points through having someone poke holes through me! I go to great lengths to achieve a particular aesthetic, and that is all that these 'Essex Girls' are doing. There are people who have had far more extensive body mods than me; more piercings, elaborate tattoos, and even fangs, pointed ears and horns, all in search of a particular aesthetic. This is certainly a synthetic aesthetic, one that is created through artistry overlaid on nature. 

Usually someone comes in with the justification of something akin to 'oh, but they are following a trend, to them it's about fitting in and appealing to men and getting attention, they must be really insecure! We do it in the pursuit of our own personal aesthetic!' 

Who are we to judge? 

Unless you know someone well enough to have good estimation of their real motivations, you have no business judging someone. It is the same sort of prejudicial assumption as when mainstream people assume that we dress and look the way we do for attention or to rebel against our parents or to opt out of decent society. Considering the time and money and effort spent on a lot of these women's looks, I would say that there has to be a significant proportion who really are chasing their dream aesthetic. Yes, there certainly are those who follow that aesthetic to be trendy, to get attention, to impress men, because they are insecure with who they are under the fakery, etc. but there are also people who co-opt the Goth aesthetic in order to get attention, to impress men, to be rebellious, to try and shock people, because they are insecure with who they are under the fakery, etc. It is unfair to judge a group by the action of individuals who are not necessarily representative. It is easier to distinguish a Goth from someone co-opting the aesthetic, because there is some broader definition of Goth, but the 'Essex Girl' aesthetic is just an aesthetic (the party animal lifestyle, drinking, etc. are not inherent; plenty of people who don't follow this look behave like that, and not all who follow this look behave like that); there is no co-opting it away from a broader subculture. 

Basically, this is an encouragement not to judge; instead take people on their individual merit, on their own actions and behaviour. How somebody looks is not necessarily and indicator of what they are like, as we should all well know. A dose of humility and an open mind are good things to have. 

30 Day Goth Challenge, Day 3

When did you come out the Goth closet? (If you didn’t then simply discuss the topic)

Well, since becoming a proper Goth I've never been in the Goth closet - Goth is not something I've ever only done at home, or hidden from people. Goth is too closely related to who I am as a person to be something I can take off as I peel off fishnet stockings, unlace my corset and wipe off my makeup, anyway, and I've never had much regard for the opinion of others so felt free to wear what I want. For a long time before I was Goth in terms of fashion, back in my babybat days and in the bohemian days between then and my proper Goth beginnings, I was judged as a freak, a weird person, a dyke, a witch, that crazy girl, etc. so I was under the rather angst-ridden teenage opinion that if everyone hated me anyway wearing weird clothes wasn't going to make anything worse, so I wasn't a closet Bohemian, Hippie or anachronism either.. I also was never particularly inclined to seek acceptance. I didn't see popularity as something to seek to feel validated or to improve my self-esteem.

As a child and teenager, I never felt I could relate to my peers, so quickly stopped bothering to try. I was a very serious, bookish, but also imaginative child and not very socially adept, and severely and violently bullied. It was easier to walk my own path than to be met with violence and hostility at any attempt to integrate. I became quite a solitary person, and quite content with the company of my imagination, but also sought people, younger and older than me, who were also a bit "different". I did have a few friends, but mostly ones who would not dare talk to me in the public arena of school. I was hoping that in moving to a new environment I would get a chance at trying to fit in, and therefore not be under constant attack and derision, so I tried briefly to fit in on starting my second secondary school, but the constant effort, fear of being found out and sheer boredom it entailed did not seem worth it, as it ate at me far more than being bullied had done, so I went back to being my inherently different self, which alienated people even before my breakdown. At my third secondary school, when I was a sixth-form pupil, I was told off for being friends with a first year. I responded that I didn't make friends based on the age of my friend, but on whether or not they were nice to me and we had things in common - the teacher told me I was very arrogant and should make friends with my classmates like everyone else. 

I did give up being a babybat temporarily because of external pressures. My best friend's mother, who was the closest thing I had to a mother in the absence of my birth mother, was very concerned about my new Goth appearance, and my interest in Wicca, she thought they were dangerous, and my Dad then got concerned too.At the same time, the school I was at was very conservative, and had me talk to the school chaplain, forbade me wear my pentacle pendant (I defied that in my school photo, where I look out with a defiant stare, wearing pentagram earrings and pentacle necklace visible), confiscated Gothic and Witchy possessions from my dorm and I got a lot of hassle from the staff over these interests. I could not give up my faith, that is part of my very soul, on that I would be intransigent, but I could dress a tad more acceptably, although I swiftly became Bohemian rather than mainstream. I was mentally unwell, under great academic pressure, had a difficult home-life and realised that to try and remain at least partially sane, and ease off pressures that would lead me to do something stupid, some compromise had to be made in the outward manifestations of my inner self. Maybe it was weakness, maybe it was a sensible decision in the circumstances. I was not yet fully aware of the subculture to make a true commitment to it, anyway, it was more of an interest, at that point, than a large part of my life. I may have stopped dressing as a babybat, but Goth had left its barbs, and I would spend the next few years drawn closer and closer to its beating heart.

I've moved places since then, moved out of the cliquish environment of girls-only schools, been through college, higher education and work, and found that as an adult people are either less judgemental, or at least less inclined to show prejudice openly. Wearing Goth, or any other kind of alternative clothes, in public will mean a few rude comments and if you're particularly unlucky, aggression from less enlightened people who think violence is acceptable. It also means I am visibly another alternative person, so when I meet alternative types who are strangers out and about,  and I talk to them, they're less likely to assume I'm going to do/say something judgemental, and thus it's easier to make new friends from the alternative world. It also means that non-alternative strangers who are curious, come up to me and ask about my clothes and sometimes conversations can grow from there and I can have a nice conversation with a stranger or make a new, non-Goth friend.

I find that being a visible symbol of my way of thinking is a bit of a filter - someone who's going to judge me over my Romantic Goth/ Aristo style is probably not someone I'm going to be able to get on with very well. I'm not saying I can only get on with other anachronisms, but that if someone is that shallow, they're probably not going to be the kind of person I'd be friendly with, because I don't like people showing a judgemental attitude towards others.

The closest I come to being in a "closet" is in my work life - if I'm at work I'm toned down (and tend to take my style advice from people like Sophistique Noir), and when I've been at places with a uniform, I've abided by that, but my being gothic is never a secret - I give people chance to get to know me first as Carolin the Employee, and gradually ease people into the fact I'm a Goth, because Goth is more than just fashion to me, it describes a lot of how I live my life and how I see the world, and I don't want people coming to assumptions (e.g must be depressed or take drugs) that can quickly be dispelled by simply knowing me first, rather than knowing me as a goth first. I'm never very Goth at work, at most it's a black trouser suit with metal buttons (I always replace plastic buttons) and a red, purple or plum blouse, some silver jewellery, my rather distinctive glasses, and maybe skull, cat or bat earrings. I can get away with skulls if they're discrete studs - people don't tend to look closely enough to see what they are. I still got a few odd questions by co-workers, mostly about whether or not I sleep in a coffin. I think that one is down to police procedural drama NCIS and the lovely Abbey Scuito playing to as many stereotypes as she breaks. I also seem to be the one who is treated as a depository of knowledge on anything weird.

Personally, I think it is healthier for people to be themselves, even in the face of prejudice from others. Giving into bullies and judgmental people only feeds their destructive behaviour because they think they have "won" if their victim panders to them. There is nothing morally reprehensible in having different tastes and a different way of thinking to other, only in harming oneself and others. There is nothing intrinsically harmful about being a goth, but being a bully, on the other hand, is harmful to the bully and his victim. If you are bullied, take strength in knowing that there is nothing wrong with you for being goth, and plenty wrong with the bully for them to think it is acceptable to seek enjoyment in intimidating and hurting other people.It is not your fault, it is the fault of the bully, nobody deserves to be bullied and shunned simply for being different. If people are judgemental, well, they are the ones missing out on being enriched by other perspectives. 

It is easy for me to say these things, and a lot harder to actually endure bullying, prejudice and judgemental attitudes, especially if you are young, and the bullying is not dealt with by the school, or the judgmental and prejudicial attitudes come from school staff, family or community or faith figures. While it is important to try to be yourself, sometimes it is best to wait until you are old enough to leave home, leave a constricting community and forge your own life the way you want it. It is good to fight intolerance and prejudice when you meet it, if you fight it in a constructive way, but some battles cannot be easily won, so pick your battles carefully. If you cannot be outwardly true to yourself, remain inwardly true.

"This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!" 

~Shakespeare, being wise through the words of Polonius being smug and self-righteous. 

Sophie Lancaster: Remembering on her Birthday

On August 24th, 2007, Sophie Lancaster was kicked to death for being a goth by a gang of feral youths.  In her name a charity, the Sophie Lancaster Foundation, was set up. Today she would have been 25. Many people have lit a candle in remembrance. I can't as it would set the apartment building fire-alarms off and the landlady doesn't want candles and other flames. I'd light one outside, but this is Scotland in November and it is raining sideways. As I cannot light a candle for her,  I'd like to do something else.

Sophie Lancaster Foundation

Remember her. Remember the life of a beautiful, creative, wonderful young woman whose life was tragically cut short by people addled by alcohol and without remorse, compassion or any of the other traits of human goodness that Sophie had. Remember all the other people, like Sophie's boyfriend Robert Maltby, and more recently Melody McDermott, who have been beaten to hospitalisation by violent thugs acting on nothing more than than what these people were wearing. Remember everyone else who has been bullied, harassed and intimidated for doing nothing more than expressing themselves creatively. Remember, and do what you can to stop these things happening again. If you can, do something to support those doing good work in Sophie's memory. 

Cliques, Judging and Subcultures

Most goths, at some point, will have been judged for how they look. At the darkest end there are things like when people get beaten up and even killed for how they look, and at the other there's assumptions made such as "goths are rude and pretentious" etc. We don't like being judged for being goths. We shouldn't do it to other groups. Just because someone wears fashionable clothes, that doesn't make them snobby and elitist about those who don't. Just because someone wears over-sized plastic-rim glasses and plimsols does not make them vacant and pretentious. Just because someone is wearing tracksuit bottoms and hooded jumper, that does not make them rude and violent (maybe they're going to the gym!). Just because someone wears skinny jeans and has dyed black hair does not mean they are histrionic attention-seekers. Goths aren't inherently nicer than everyone, that's why I have to make this post. 

Really, there is no reason for me to elaborate this into a vast wall of text. Yes, there are a disproportionate amount of certain types of bad behaviour in certain groups which is why some of these stereotypes exist in the first place, but even if there are more thugs that wear tracksuit bottoms and hooded jumpers than wear designer jeans, that doesn't mean that wearing a tracksuit makes someone a thug. That same logic goes for the other things. I may not LIKE any of those other styles, and think that a lot of them look terribly hideous, but I deal with that by NOT WEARING THEM and wearing things I don't think look hideous. I do not hate other styles, although I do think they are sometimes rather amusing (like when people wear logo or slogan t-shirts and have no idea what they represent, or when they walk around with their trousers halfway down their rears) but I also realise I'm probably amusing trying to run for the bus in platform boots. Other people are entitled to the same freedom of expression as we are. 

For a less text-intensive experience, watch ::this:: video by BatcaveDilemma