Neil Gaiman: Talk And Book-Signing

I met Neil Gaiman yesterday evening!

I'm the blur on the left, Neil Gaiman is the blur on the right.
I think my friend Eilidh's hands might have been shaking with excitement.

Several of my friends (mostly Goth types) went to the signing as a group as we are all fans. The talk was part of the launch of his latest book 'The Ocean At The End Of The Lane" which marks a return to writing fantasy/magical realism for adults rather than children's fantasy. The book itself is about a young boy who meets some peculiar neighbours in the aftermath of the suicide of the family lodger. The peculiar neighbours are three preternatural/supernatural women (well, two women and a girl) who very strongly resemble the Maiden, Mother, Crone archetype. A series of fantastical events intertwine with the ordinary, and altogether it is a book that is mesmerising, if rather dark at points. While clearly aimed at adults, the fantasy elements remind me of such things as The Graveyard Book and Coraline, where mundane and magical worlds collide. 

Mr. Gaiman explained about how it was written initially as simply a story for his wife, but kept growing and growing until he'd realised that it was a full novel, and that it had never initially been intended as a novel for publication. He described it as a novel written by accident. His talk was very interesting, full of insights and anecdotes, and I feel it was a privilege to hear him talk. If any of you get the chance to hear one of his book talks, go for it. 

He also read a short excerpt of the book, and I think there is nothing better, in  literary terms, than hearing an author read his own work. It was spellbinding and I didn't want him to stop! 

The most exiting thing was actually meeting him in person. We waited nearly an hour in the signing queue. He mentioned that I had clearly made an effort with my outfit and I was chuffed indeed. I can't actually remember what I said to him - it was all a starstruck daze! - but I mentioned how much I liked Silas from 'The Graveyard Book'.  Anyway, he drew a gravestone with my name on it in my copy of 'The Graveyard Book' and signed it. . After I was out of sight (and hopefully hearing), I did a gleeful little dance and squeaked with joy. 

We had waited so long in the queue that I had long since missed the last bus, and had to walk home all the way from Inverness (a long way, in the dark, in heels) and I felt like I was gliding home on a cloud of spooky happiness, signed book safely in my bag. I met a woman in the city centre, waiting for a bus, who looked vaguely Goth-ish (turned out she's not Goth, though), and vaguely familiar, and asked her if she had been to the signing - apparently she hadn't, but was quite the fan, and she was quite impressed with my signed book when I showed it to her. 

On the way home, walking through the park, I saw an owl flying around. I ended up spending about a quarter of an hour just watching this bird as it flew close with perhaps curiosity, either that or my walking through the park was disturbing tasty prey for it. It ended up perching on a fence post not too far away from me, and we watched each other for a while before leaving in opposite directions. 

Sophie Lancaster: Six Years On

Six years ago, on August 24 2007, Sophie Lancaster was murdered for looking different. 

I have posted before about who Sophie Lancaster was, and what happened to her. It was a horrible and evil thing, and that is not what I want to focus on here. I want to focus on what has changed and what the S.O.P.H.I.E foundation set up in her memory has done to make at least the UK a better place for visibly Alternative people like myself. I think that setting up the S.O.P.H.I.E project was probably one of the best things that could be done in her memory. Hopefully through their work, the likelihood of such an attack happening again will decrease. In February 2014, the staged version of Black Roses by Simon Armitage will be playing at the Royal Exchange in Manchester. I am not local, too far North in the Highlands of Scotland, but I suggest that those Goths and alternative people in Manchester show their support. Quite a few creative endeavours have been inspired by Sophie, which reminds me of the songs written in memory and honour of murdered Texan punk Brian Deneke.  

Please watch this short film; it's very sad, and I always cry when I watch it, but I think it is important to see. This is the official Dark Angel video. It is beautifully illustrated and animated. I will say to more sensitive readers/viewers, that it does deal with some dark and violent material, and might be quite upsetting. For those who are of a sturdier disposition, though, I think it is definitely important viewing. 

This year, in Manchester, attacks based on subcultural affiliation have been recognised under the same hate-crime legislation as attacks based on things like religion. I think this is an important step because while some hatred types are about things a person cannot choose (like skin colour, disability, sexual orientation where they are from, etc.) some are about lifestyle choices (wearing non-traditionally gendered clothes, symbols of choice of religion, etc.) which are important to that person being true to their inner selves and being outwardly Goth or whatnot is as important to many as those other choices. It might be just clothes, but is also an outward representation and show of affiliation to the subculture we belong and our inner selves, and heck, I feel like I am dressed up as someone else when I am NOT wearing my Goth clothes. I really hope that this is adopted nation wide. I have written about this topic at greater length ::here:: in a full-length blog-post. 

Their work with schools, and the creation of ::this:: pack including the Sophie Game, and a DVD of the video above,  that gives a tangible resource for teens to learn about tolerance for those who are different is probably my favourite contribution, because it focuses on the intolerance that is the cause underneath the aggression and harassment on the streets. Most of the harassment I have had, and undoubtedly the worst instances, were perpetrated by teens, and not just by my peers while I was a teen myself. I have been harassed by gangs of teenage boys who are otherwise complete strangers to me right up to a couple of months ago. It is an important demographic to target, and from the responses I have read on the S.O.P.H.I.E page, many teenagers have found both Mrs. Lancaster's talks to be very moving, and the work they have done in school based on the packs to be educational. I completely encourage the education of young people about prejudice against alternative types, especially as it is often in their teen years when people will experiment with joining various subcultures, that it was a gang of teens that murdered Sophie Lancaster. 

Goths will always be outsiders, because we like things that most people don't, and come from a perspective that is often radically different (we tend to go "cool!" at what others go "eek!" over.), but that does not mean we should be outcasts and the victims of hatred. We might not want to join the mainstream, but that does not mean we should get abused, beaten and, in the case of Sophie Lancaster, killed. Tolerance and an acceptance of different is not a lot to ask, but sadly it is so hard to get. 

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The Sophie Lancaster Foundation

Stamp Out Prejudice, Hatred & Intolerance Everywhere

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In terms of any more can be done, I think diversity education aimed at the attitudes to difference in primary school children would be a good idea. I also think it shouldn't be up to a small charity to do these things. 

I think several primary-school aged children have written into Gothic Charm School as interested in the subculture, and I know that while I wasn't a Goth as a small child, I was gender-stereotype non-conforming and dressed pretty much as a boy, and that didn't always garner a pleasant reaction. I am not saying that young children should be taught about Goth and Punk and Lolita, etc. except in the broadest of terms - along the lines of that there are people that like wearing clothes that might look unusual and listen to a variety of kinds of music, and have unusual hobbies, and that this doesn't make them bad people, just different. I do realise that, especially with Metal, Goth and Punk, that there are aspects of those subcultures that are not age-appropriate for primary children. Goth is, after all, a subculture founded on appreciation for things that are dark, scary and morbid. What I am saying is that there should be work to prevent the basic attitudes of 'different = bad' from forming. 

Aside: There are age-appropiate versions of traditionally Gothic themes; just look at Monster High dolls and the Hotel Transylvania film, not to mention a good few of the movies Tim Burton worked on! I read 'Goosebumps' books and Point Horror, the Little Vampire and plenty of other children's books that were both spooky and age appropriate. Toned-down versions of Gothic themes do exist and there are plenty of children that enjoy them. 

Education on the existence of alternative and minority groups should not be entirely focused on specific groups, and when it is, it should run a bit deeper than festivals, landmarks, symbols, clothing and food. I remember doing a project about Pakistan, a project about China, and a project about Islam, but I know little about life in any of these cultures, and I was hardly the kind of student that didn't pay attention. I do, however, know about Chinese New Year, that the Great Wall is nearly 4,000 miles of wall, a bit about painted vehicles, that Islamabad is the capital of Pakistan, and how to wear a head-scarf in a particular way, and that having take-out for lunch is far tastier than school dinners. Instead I think there should be an emphasise on learning to appreciate difference instead of feeling threatened by it, about learning to be politely inquisitive instead of rude and assuming, about learning to differentiate between popular misinformed stereotypes and reality etc. - skills equally applicable for interacting with any group of people outside the pupil's own communities, and learning to see people as individuals rather than as members of homogenous groups and stereotypes. 

Most small children are actually quite curious anyway, and the prejudices and closed-mindedness are things they seem to (from my experience) start to pick up on around aged 7 to 9, and they pick it up from closed-minded adults around them. Sometimes even younger children pick up on this. I guess the important thing is to aim attempts to build the skills that keep them curious and open-minded about other cultures, subcultures and lifestyles and that help them to identify unpleasant stereotypes as what they are before the negative attitudes have become ingrained. While it isn't impossible, it is a lot harder to change someone's mind once they have latched onto an idea, and remedial action based on dispelling stereotypes and undoing prejudices are again generally targeted on specific groups (e.g tackling homophobia, tackling racism, tackling Islamophobia, etc.). I also understand that certain groups have historically and contemporaneously been marginalised and oppressed, and learning about these things is important too, but the world is really too diverse a place to teach about every single form of diversity individually. 

Celebrating 2 Years In Scotland

Yesterday evening Raven and I celebrated 2 years in Scotland

We had a small gathering yesterday - Raven and I, and eight friends (some of which are not pictured in the photographs - N. left before we were photographed, Suzy_Bugs and her husband don't do flash photography, and the chap photographing us was behind the camera, not in front.)

It started off as a garden party in our back garden. I do quite wish I had taken a few photographs as I worked quite hard to make it atmospheric. Anyway, this isn't a post about silver doilies and piles of cushions, this a post about having lived in Scotland for two years now, and what that means to me.

First of all, it doesn't feel like I have lived here for two years - I still feel so new to the area, and feel like it was only a few months ago that I moved here, and that I don't really know the area. I certainly don't feel like I have been here for an entire 24 months!

From left to right; M.W, K., me, Raven, Brian, and M.G.
Photograph by S. Goodwin

Secondly, moving to Scotland was a whole change for me; so many new and different things. I moved to a new country, moved in with Raven for the first time, moved into our very own apartment, both of us moved to completely new jobs  - both twice, after I was made redundant a month into my previous job, and after Raven decided that moving into hospitality from nursing was a bad idea and went back into nursing - new friends, and a very, very long way between all that and what we had once known. I was previously living in the Thames Valley, and Raven was previously living on a farm in Wales, each of us were a good day's driving, or a couple days by train, from where we had once lived. 

I have never been homesick; while where I lived was beautiful, and while I had friends there, I knew I had to go. Sometimes I miss my friends, sometimes I miss my cat and my Dad, but I never miss the actual place. When I left I was so excited; I packed all of my things into the car and could hardly move (I had cans in the footwell and was sitting on cushions...) and just went North and more North and more North... I had no realistic idea how much of Scotland I still had to cross before actually getting to where I now reside, and thought getting as far as the Scottish border had been a really long way. The drive itself was through some incredible scenery. The UK is mostly known for gently rolling hills, little fields with livestock and nice woodlands, for rivers winding through small towns and villages and generally quite a tame view of rural life; Scotland does not look like that. I travelled past mountains and waterfalls and heather moors and ancient castles and suddenly realised just how much the landscape called out to my sense of adventure. Scotland good be Westeros or Middle Earth.

Aside: A lot of Game of Thrones is filmed in Northern Ireland (which has quite similar landscapes), some of it was actually filmed in Scotland, and Lord of the Rings was filmed all the way on the other side of the planet in New Zealand.

Every day I open my curtains to a view out across mountains (snow-covered in winter), the river, forests, farmland, and often birds of prey soaring on thermals. I would love to post a picture up of the view from our flat, but I think it would be too easy to locate where I live from it, so you will have to take my word for it when I say I have a broad panorama of dramatic and beautiful scenery. I've stayed in places with some nice views (like from the gable windows of my friend's Victorian garret flat overlooking Bristol; it was a sea of lights at night.) but now I get to actually live in one. I never, ever get tired of looking at the view. My favourite thing is watching how varied the skies can be, and how colourful. 

Four lassies
Photo by S. Goodwin

Up here it is also quite a different place to live in terms of people. I have noticed that people here are a lot friendlier than where I used to live - total strangers often acknowledge each other with a "morning" or "afternoon" as they pass, people talk to you on public transport and it's not considered weird or even rude, and I actually get a lot more friendly and positive interactions for my clothes than I do get snooty or rude ones.  I have noticed that it is generally speaking (there will always be exceptions) the case that the further from London you get, the more friendly people on public transport are, with West Wales and Scotland being the places I have experienced as the most friendly. It is not perfect, and have been insulted in the streets even here, too, but I have experienced less than I did when I lived in the Thames Valley, even if there are far fewer Goths here, so I stand out from the crowd more. 

No place is perfect though. I guess the thing I dislike the most is the sort of wind-blown driving rain we get here. It falls so far off vertical that it gets under my umbrellas and into my coats. It falls for a lot of autumn, winter and spring, and I end up wanting to stay at home in the warm and yet I have to go out for work. The wind chills, too, so I sometimes end up quite wet and cold, despite being thoroughly wrapped up in several layers. 

Altogether, I am really happy that I moved here, and I feel that it really is something to celebrate, as is living with Raven for two years and still being in a happy relationship. I think the initial period after moving in can be the most difficult stage of a relationship as dating someone and living with them are two wholly different things, and I am glad we have managed to negotiate a peaceful coexistence and never really argue much at all. Two very happy years and a nice party to round them off. May many more happy years follow!

Confidence, Competitiveness and the Goth Community

Maybe it is just amongst twenty-something clubbers and bloggers, but I've noticed an air of competitiveness, especially about appearances and being 'Gothier than thou' - I know that in mainstream society women can get competitive and jealous over appearances, and that it is often linked to low self-esteem, but (and this was perhaps foolish of me) I thought the Goth subculture would lack this. I don't think it is a judgemental and external competitiveness -I don't see Goths belittling each other over their fashion and appearance very often- I think it's a personal desire amongst certain Goths to be the prettiest, most 'gothiest' Goth in the room/club/blogosphere, to always be seen in their best, most flamboyant outfits, and to be seen as never missing a music reference or subcultural reference.

I know all of us want to give a good impression to others, and even I fall into the trap of wanting to have a flawless public image on this blog sometimes, but it can get too much. If it starts impacting your confidence to the point where you think that you are somehow lesser than the rest of your Goth community, then it is time to take stock. And sometimes, yes, I do think that I ought to have memorised more of Bauhaus' discography or read more vampire books, and sulk when my friends can afford Iron Fist shoes and Lolita clothes from Japan (and be petite enough to fit in them) and I criticise myself for my makeup not being neat enough, my hair not being wild enough, not owning enough dramatic garments and not being able to afford everything I like.

We don't need to do this; we can relax. We are all human, none of us are perfectly Goth ALL of the time, we all make mistakes, have fashion off-days, forget the lyrics to songs, get band-members mixed up, trip over our own feet once in a while and have days when our hair just decides to be a frizzy mess however much we try. There is no point in pretending that we are beautiful vampiric creatures perpetually elegant and perpetually clam, and always socially gracious. 

The Housecat, dressed down.

Phone-cam selfie.

Here is a no-makeup, scruffy photo of me in my casual clothes. This is how I look a lot of the time when I am not going out for any reason, or if I am going out, am going out to do something where practicality is the key. I am wearing a cheap black tank top (from Tesco of all places), a pair of Raven's combats and a webbing belt, with my pentagram necklace and a silver .308 round for hunting werewolves (non-functional, obviously). My nail-polish is chipped, my face is blotchy from hay-fever and my hair just has two sets of tails at the front and a clip at the back. Nothing fancy at all.

Selfie, phone-cam.

Here are some photos of me dressed up in a Lolita-esque skirt by Banned (bought online at Kate's Clothing) with a ruffled blouse that was bought for me as a midwinter present by Raven, and a lovely thrifted lace shrug that was originally from Tesco! (Yes, really!). I have done my makeup, I am wearing lace gloves, which I can't remember if they are from Accessorise or Claire's Accessories (yes, I occasionally shop there...), but they were from the Eastgate mall in Inverness, anyway. Hair in the same style as for the first photograph. I am wearing makeup, I have brushed and straightened my hair, and am generally a lot more dressed up (and a lot more traditionally 'feminine' looking).

Selfie, phone-cam.

There is exactly the same person under both sets of clothes. I might look a bit more butch in the first photograph, a bit tougher, perhaps more into Industrial music than I am. I also don't look like I've put much effort into my appearance, with a "keep my hair out of my eyes" do and no make-up.  In the second photograph I look a lot more "put-together" with much fancier, more impractical clothes; perhaps I look like am more "ladylike" (such a nebulous term...), gentler, sweeter, and more Romantic and more 'Goth'. In reality, I am always the same person, I do not construct a new persona for each outfit (although I must admit I feel tougher in practical clothes because it's simply easier to be practical and athletic if you don't keep catching your ruffles on things) and I know just as little about Industrial music and love just as much Dead Can Dance and Cocteau Twins in both outfits, I am just as artistic and creatively inclined and like elaborate aesthetics just as much. 

Selfie, phone-cam.

I also don't somehow stop being Goth because I'm going for a walk in the woods or am staying indoors to do chores and therefore have no need to raid my wardrobe for my fanciest things. Yes, sometimes I do get all dressed up for nothing more than going to the store, or even bimbling around at home, but other times practicality trumps, and other times I am just having a lazy, relaxed day where such extravagances would be too frumpy. Nobody should feel like they somehow loose Goth credibility for not wearing the most 'uber-Goth' outfits ALL the time, or for that matter, for not listening to Goth music all the time, for not reading ONLY vampire books etc. etc. 

I know I am not the first blogger to write about these things. The Lady of the Manners addressed this issue in the second half of ::this:: article, which I think is definitely worth reading. Amy at Stripy Tights and Dark Delights wrote two posts that are related to this topic: ::"So You're Not Gothic Anymore?":: which deals with people who make assumptions when people are having less fancy days, and this  ::Pretty vs. Practical":: which shows two sides of Amy's wardrobe. 

Clava Cairns: Ancient Tombs and Pagan Magick

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I went along to the Inverness Pagan Moot picnic at Clava Cairns

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Inverness has a small but active Moot, and quite a few Pagans - something I was surprised by when I first moved here because I was led to believe that this far North in Scotland it was quite a conservative and Christian area. I guess the proximity to the Findhorn Foundation has helped with the cultivation of a varied alternative culture, including those who follow an alternative spiritual path, and the incredible landscapes around here are definitely awe-inspiring and probably draw a lot of nature-y folk. 

I decided to walk to Clava Cairns, as they are a good long-ish walk from where I live and the weather was warm and sunny. Perhaps I could have done with bringing along more to drink, as it was actually very warm indeed by the time I got there, and to avoid ticks I was wearing trousers tucked into my walking boots rather than shorts or a skirt. It was also my first time wearing my new purple contact lenses out and about, but they will get their own post. 

Nairn River and Viaduct

Along the way I stopped to take these photographs of the beautiful Victorian railway viaduct over the River Nairn and the valley in flows through. 

Again, the Nairn River

Clava Cairns is an ancient site with three large stone cairns and a small kerb cairn and a stone circle! These stone burials remind me of the ancient barrows in Southern England, near where I used to live, and at 4,000 years old, are from a similar period, perhaps slightly later. I don't know if they were ever covered with earth and grass like the barrows of England, but these are made mainly of hard stone, rather than soft chalk. Now, they are roofless and one can walk into them. Like the ancient monuments of Wiltshire and Southern England, Clava Cairns are associated with a waterway, in this case the Nairn River. There are several other cairn burials locally, all referred to as Clava cairns after the site near Culloden - a little bit confusing for me initially when I tried to work out which particular cairns we were meeting at!

Inside the middle cairn

It was quite a busy day there, with a coach tour parked up and quite a few families and tourists. I, with my micro-braid hair and Gothic attire (not to mention purple eyes) attracted a bit of attention and one polite person asked to take my photograph in a cairn, and I know some of the other tourists seemed to think their photography more surreptitious, but I am more alert than they thought! 

A beautiful sunny day

I am not sure how open the others are to being openly and publicly Pagan on the internet as it can still get you a pile of problems in this modern world, so I have not taken any photos of the picnic itself, only of the Cairns. 

Part of one of the stone circles, with interesting swirls.

The Picnic itself was nice, and the organiser's partner treated us to some delicious vegetarian Eastern European cooking, and I would love to list what I ate here, but I cannot remember the names. I know I had something akin to a quiche or savoury tart, with squash, and lots of fresh vegetables, and a delicious and sticky desert, but sadly I don't know what it was! Not much help to any of my readers! We had some interesting discussions about psychedelic experiences (something I have never had), Pagan books and faeries, among other things. 

All photographs in today's blog were taken by me on my smartphone. It's a bit of an old one, so the camera quality isn't that amazing. Sorry if it looks like it was photographed on a potato! 

Sewing, D.I.Y And Alternative Fashion

I think one of the key skills any lover of alternative fashion should posses is a basic ability to sew.

However brilliant one's bargain hunting skills, thrifting abilities, and eye for style when shopping, you are ultimately limited by what other people produce. 

Even thrift, secondhand, and vintage shopping has its limitations. Someone, somewhere, bought all those secondhand clothes originally, often from a mass-producing retailer. Yes, buying secondhand clothes helps reduce waste by re-homing perfectly good, or slightly damaged clothes so they don't end up in landfill, or being recycled (the process of which consumes energy, remember), and so there is plenty of good in buying secondhand, but it does have its limitations, especially if you are trying to get hold of a specific type of item in a specific size; sewing broadens these limitations - you can buy a shirt in nice material that is too small, but with puffy sleeves, re-shape the sleeves and use the extra material to put side-panels into the shirt, and thus have something that fits nicely, or buy a skirt that is too long and take it up, or something that is very cheap because it is damaged, and mend it, etc. Being able to mend your own clothes is a good skill in general; if you have something you love, and a seam is torn, that should not be its death, or reason to pay someone else to fix it when it can be easily repaired at home.

A lot of retailers, for mostly economic reasons, tend to stock only a certain range of sizes based around average shapes that will fit the maximum number of people each, but will not fit everyone. I have the problem that I have quite dramatic curves, and if I find a top that fits my waist, it will often not fit over my bust, but if I find a top that fits my bust, it will rarely be anything other than baggy at the waist; with actually fairly basic sewing skills, I have learnt to take things in so that they have a more flattering fit. There are many things, that because of my height, I have trouble shopping for - especially skirts! Getting things at a suitable length is hard, and finding things that are actually floor-lenghth on me, especially from deliberately Goth/Alternative retailers, nigh on impossible unless I order made-to-order and custom sizes. Other people of statistical outlier sizes (the very petite, the larger, the very tall, the very short, etc.) have similar issues - if you can sew you can make alterations to improve fit; from adding inserts to taking things in, from adding ruffles to the bottom of a skirt to raising the hem, there are a lot of possibilities. 

Once you get confident, you can start making things from patterns, either bought or self-drafted and designing your own clothes! That there is the start of limitless possibilities bounded only by your imagination.

A lot of people are daunted by the prospect of sewing; it looks like a difficult art-form, and one that is quite dull to practice. First of all, sewing is primarily a set of practical skills; it is an understanding of fabric and thread, and the various ways these can be combined. I think for those who are less artistic it might be better to think of it as a form of practical problem solving rather than as a craft, because the artistic part is secondary to making or mending in a functional way. Secondly, basic sewing isn't actually very difficult, especially if you have a sewing machine (although learning how to hand-stitch neatly is pretty useful). Sewing can become difficult and challenging as you set yourself ever more ambitious projects (sleeves and attaching them straight...), but the basic skills are actually quite simple. 

There are a LOT of very good and easy-to-follow sewing and dress-making tutorials and lessons on the internet, starting with some very basic skills, and going all the way through into detailed and elaborate projects (make your own period-accurate Victorian ensemble, including underwear!). Evening classes are available in many towns and cities, most libraries have instructional and project books. The learning material is out there. Yes, it takes time and some patience, but even the basic projects can look very effective, or be vital to saving your favourite garments. Start with simple things to learn and practice skills, and then apply those skills to more ambitious projects, and then acquire more skills and attempt even more ambitious projects, and so on... it's a lot less daunting when done in small steps. 

If you don't want to pursue sewing as a hobby, that is fine, but it is still a useful skill for the repair of the garments you buy, and can save you the cost of taking it to someone else to be repaired. 

Confidence And Being Visibly Alternative In Public

I am more confident in my full Romantic Goth gear than I would be in jeans & t-shirt. 

I actually feel really uncomfortable when I'm not dressed Goth; I feel like I am wearing the costume of being somebody else. I am certainly comfortable with being alternative in public, even as obviously so as to wear long skirts, corsets, frock-coats and wigs in town.

I have seen several video and read several articles about this sort of thing, and here is my take on it.

I dress for only myself, and wear what I think is beautiful, and my tastes in clothes are far more layered, detailed, extravagant and anachronistic than most people's, and this to me is too eclectic to be formal-wear, even if the materials (like the jacquard and lace) are often thought of as too luxurious for everyday wear. For formal wear, I would wear either a dress, or a matching set.

The trick to being confident is realising that you are the ultimate judge of your own beauty, not some random stranger. You don't know the strangers by default of definition - you can't know the motivations for a passing comment; they could be complimenting you, but really think what your wearing is hideous (perfect example of this in the film 'Mean Girls') and be insulting you despite actually liking what you wear because they want to show off to their friends (<sarcasm> because insulting strangers really demonstrates how macho you are! </sarcasm>) so there's no point in taking stead in their opinions; although I think genuine compliments are fairly easily identified, and most people who make mean comments about Halloween or vampires or just shout "GOTH!" or whatever at us in the streets are doing so for the sake of being mean (because they are insecure, afraid of anything different, want to show off to the rest of their group, want to get attention etc.). Yes, some people just don't like the Goth (or other subcultural) aesthetic, but they generally don't feel the need to be publicly rude to a stranger about it, but on the other side of that, those who like your outfit may not want to publicly complement you.

Diamonds, clubs and the Ace of Hearts
Phone-cam selfie.

The only people you should listen to about your appearance are those who genuinely want to help you with it, for example friends and family and even then, you are allowed to disagree with them. My Dad is accepting of me being Goth, but actually prefers it when I wear black trousers, Doc Martens or New Rocks, a black turtle-neck, studded cuffs, etc. because he prefers a more practical aesthetic and thinks my "frilly stuff" is too busy for his tastes. I happen to disagree, and continue to wear frills when they won't get in the way. (See ::this:: post for my more practical aesthetic). Of course, sometimes friends will have a valid point and will try and broach any fashion advice politely. It's a tricky subject, and a tact minefield.

The second trick is being comfortable with your own appearance. If you feel pretty and feel comfortable, others will be more relaxed about it. The more self-conscious you are, the more you will subconsciously project that. If you really like your own appearance, then your own self-belief will shine through and you will carry yourself better and look pretty. 

If, when I look in the mirror before I go out, I look just how I want to, then I am confident to wear it in public. If something doesn't look quite right, then I will either try it and see (perhaps later in the day I will like it) if it is something minor, or simply change whatever it is that doesn't work. My reference point is my own aesthetic taste, and yes, that is inspired by other things I have seen, as nobody is truly original (only innovative). My tastes are influenced by photographs I've seen of other Goths, and people into Aristocrat, New Romantic, Lolita and other fashions, as well as high-fashion garments, costuming for stage and screen productions, works of art, historical fashions, works of fantasy etc. 

An important thing is being able to distinguish art from reality - high-concept fashion shoots are art, an inspiration, not a reflection of real life, and even a lot of other photographs have been improved with the aid of a computer, even if it is only to tweak the lighting, colour-balance, contrast, etc. and models tend to try and pose in flattering ways. Nobody looks like a perfect photograph all the time, not even professional models. Some people are highly photogenic, but even they have their 'derpy' moments and their off-days. 

I pay attention to the small details; for example having makeup-swirls that compliment the designs on my clothes, keeping strictly to a limited colour palette, carefully coordinating glove length to sleeve length and hosiery to skirt/trousers and making sure that the shoes and handbag compliment each other. I am picky about which jewellery I am wearing, which hair accessories, how I have styled my hair, and my wig. Once I know I have every small detail just how I like them, I feel pretty - but I am a perfectionist, and not everyone cares about that level of detail. Personally, I feel that it is an important part of being stylish and well coordinated, but some people revel in the deliberately clashing, or wear things that don't go simply because one of the items is of too much sentimental value to take off, or it just simply is not their priority.

If such ways of paying attention to detail make you feel more confident in your appearance, then do them, but don't agonise too much, though - you shouldn't end feeling like you just can't get close enough to perfection to go out, however many times you re-tie your bows, whatever necklace you wear, however many times you re-do your makeup, or whatever you do your hair or whatever. Remember, nobody is perfect, and it isn't perfection you should be aiming at. If you see a photograph that looks perfect, chances are it is a) a studio set up and b) a digitally altered image - and if you get too flawless, it can actually be uncanny and inhuman (which is fine if you want to look like a living doll, a vampire or a robot, but not so good if that is not your thing). Also, some of my prettiest outfits have come together out of whatever wasn't in the laundry. Sometimes over-planning can make me, and therefore probably others, look fussy and too much like I'm in a costume or going to a specific event or in a costume.

Also remember that really fancy wardrobes take time to assemble; I mentioned this in ::this:: previous post. Sometimes it can be a while before you have a whole outfit to wear - just be patient, keep saving/sewing/thrifting, and you will have all the parts. It doesn't mean you look ugly without the whole outfit, just that you haven't got what you want yet. Of course, some things just don't work without the rest matching; for example a fancy Victorian blouse can look a bit out of place with ordinary skirts and trousers, but  if you buy things in stages you can look quite nice, and gradually become more ornate/unusual.

If you are wanting to wear something particularly fancy out (like corsets, petticoats under skirts, hooped skirts, really high platform boots, trailing skirts, wigs, fancy headdresses, etc.) then wear them at home first; some of these things are going to feel strange, perhaps slightly uncomfortable, when you first wear them, and you will, with some, need to adapt to moving slightly differently because of restricted movement, altered balance, or increased size (large skirts catching on things, knocking things over, catching antlers or headdresses on door-frames, being taller in really high boots, etc.). Until you feel 'naturalised' and comfortable in those garments. If you are doing something that radically alters your appearance, then it might take some time for you to get used to your own new appearance! This has happened when I have had radically different hair-cuts or bought wigs; re-framing my face can make it look so different that I hardly recognise myself. Again, getting used to yourself looking different in your own home can help build confidence for wearing it outside.

Once you are used to wearing things at home, wearing unusual clothes with other eccentrically dressed people can be a good stepping point. Some people are never confident to be the only unusually dressed person. I am confident enough to be different in public but on my own, yet I still feel more comfortable when there's at least one more Gothy or frilly type person with me. You might actually stand out more as a group, but you are also not having to take all the attention on your own.

Most of all, remember that there is nothing immoral about choosing to go outside looking different. There IS something immoral about trying to make others feel bad.

Yes, you WILL garner attention if you look very differently, and some people will want to ask curious questions or even photographs. If you are too busy to answer, stop for photographs, or suchlike, you are allowed to politely decline. If people are rude to you, more than likely they are looking to get a reaction, either out of some kind of sadism or because they want attention; just don't give that to them. If you are upset (and sometimes even I get upset when people are rude, especially if I am having a bad day anyway) don't show it to them. Go somewhere else, somewhere you feel comfortable, talk to someone about the negative experience (I personally rant to my other Gothy friends, who have had similar experiences), and do something that cheers you up (for me, I like sitting quietly somewhere green, so I will go sit in the park, or the meadow, or take a walk in the woods if I am really upset about anything.). 

Also, if you get a proper compliment (at least one that's not obviously a backhanded insult, sarcastic, or a patronising attempt to humour you - yes, I'm a suspicious person.), take note of it. I get more compliments than insults. It's a really nice feeling to get a genuine (or at least hopefully genuine compliment) from a stranger, and sometimes I get more lengthy positive interactions based initially on my outfits. Personally, if another alternative type compliments me, I am especially happy, because I think it is more likely that they're genuinely being nice or curious and less likely to be treating me like an interactive zoo animal, and because I like getting a compliment from people who share my tastes to some degree; I feel that it means I am doing a good job of working within that style.

With more neutral responses, I notice that sometimes people stare and do more discrete things like mutter to their friends, but as I can't tell whether that is positive or negative, and isn't really impacting on me, I ignore it. I am also not the best at reading people unless I am paying very good attention to them, and still have trouble even then, so I am also oblivious to a lot of more subtle and private reactions.

The public reaction to you will be different depending on the local demographics. Since I moved to Scotland, my compliment to insult ratio has been pretty good - I get a lot more people telling me I look nice, especially older people! I think because I prefer an anachronistic style that is inspired by funereal elegance rather than a punky style with ripped fishnets and revealing clothes (although I do wear those on occasion) that older women of a more conservative background like what I am wearing as it is feminine, modest, elegant, detailed, etc. If I am wearing fishnets and platform boots and a really short skirt or hotpants, with lots of spikes, I generally get more advances from men (and sometimes women), but fewer compliments that aren't the opening to flirtation. Oddly enough, when I have been in major cities in southern English cities, the number of insults (usually from gangs of teenage boys, young men and drunks) was much higher than the number of compliments, despite Goths being far more prevalent. There are some places where it can be downright dangerous to stand out too much, and especially to wear certain clothes - take care in areas you know to be less than safe, and tone it down if you have to. Yes, bad things can happen anywhere, but some places do harbour greater risks than others.

Lastly, in the case of extended interaction, some people have certain prejudices about various subcultures - I am talking about "Goth girls are easy sluts" and "Goths are all Satanists and devil-worshippers" and "Goths are suicidal or homicidal lunatics" and "Goths think they are vampires" other misinformed and dangerous rubbish. If you join a subculture and wear that subculture's signifiers in public, be aware that there are prejudices, and people may act on them. Try to politely correct misinformation, don't play into the negative stereotypes, and generally, be polite and sensible. Sadly, there will be times when even if you are the nicest person, others will react badly on the grounds of things they think they know about 'your kind'. That sort of thing is highly situational, but read through the experiences of others, sites like Gothic Charm School, and try to handle things in as calm and rational a manner as possible, but I know that this can be hard when people are being really horrible and irrational to you. 

Generally though, if you are a polite and sensible person, people will judge you on your actions rather than your appearances, although they may still be a tad nervous and scrutinise you more closely. Often, if you give a good impression and are polite and friendly, they will realise that their misgivings were unfounded.

Basically, there are four main points to being confident in alternative clothes in public: 
✯You are the ultimate judge of whether or not you look nice, not others. 

✯If you feel comfortable in your clothes, you will come over better. Get used to things in your own space if you need to first. 

✯Reactions vary between places - a good indication of how they are more about the person reacting than the person being reacted to!

✯There is nothing immoral or wrong about different. 

Go out there beautiful! Wear whatever you want to wear - whether you want to be a Sweet Lolita or the darkest Goth, do it. Sometimes confidence takes time to build, but it is worth it.