Romantic Goth: My first love in Goth style

Aesthetically, Romantic Goth is my first and most constant love. Yes, my hair is a fantastical set of neon colours, but they owe more to the myth of mermaids drowning sailors than to the CyberGoth hybrid subculture - although I like that sort of more danceable industrial too! 

This top from :Punk Rave: has inner mesh sleeves.
The outer sleeves are velvet and split all the way to the elbow

The first time I saw a Goth was probably 1993; my family had gone to Reading - a town in Berkshire - for some shopping, but this happened to coincide with the Reading Festival, one of the UK's largest rock festivals. I think The Cure were playing that year, and a lot of Goths turned up. The one I remember most clearly, was a woman in a deep red crushed velvet fantasy dress with bleached platinum hair back-combed; a more colourful variant on the usually black version of this look. I thought this was beautiful, the prettiest lady I had seen, and unfortunately, being a small child with no appreciation for - or understanding of -what was taboo in my household, I think I said something excited about this, and got sharply chastised by my mother who dragged me away and gave me a lecture on how these were bad and dangerous people I shouldn't associate with... but I think the seed was sown, and that aesthetic imprint stayed with me. 

Me in my study: my aesthetics aren't limited to my clothes.
The velvet top I am wearing the Saphira top from :Punk Rave:

I've been a fan of the Romantic Gothic aesthetic ever since - that wonderful mix of the macabre, fantastical and historical, and this post is something of a paean to that.  

The Romantic Gothic aesthetic is certainly one that is enjoyed outside of the Goth musical subculture, and one that pre-dates it; it's that Hammer Horror, Elvira, and 'vampire' aesthetic of villains and supernatural creatures that has existed for centuries. It's not surprising that is has been adopted by fans of the Gothic in general as well as Goth, and being visually striking, it's also not surprising that a lot of people come to the aesthetic before the music (same with all Goth and Gothic styles).  I was one of those people, and although I came to the Goth subculture eventually, it was a path that went via lots of Symphonic Metal and bands like Evanesence, Nightwish, and Within Temptation where that aesthetic was prominent. There were plenty of films with gorgeous costumes, too, especially older horror films and a good few fantasy films with more 'Gothic' looking villains and villainesses. I saw all that and I wanted to look like them. It was magical, romantic, otherworldly, and while I knew it was a costume, but every now and again I would see someone, maybe online, maybe walking through the Queensgate shopping mall in Peterborough or past some Oxford colleges, or maybe in Shrinking Violets in Bristol, who dressed that way, in ordinary life, and I knew it was possible.

The first Goth shop I went into was actually a Hippie shop called Rod & Maureen's in Peterborough, that had a Gothic section in its upstairs. I was more into fantasy-inspired hippie clothes at the time, but I saw some gorgeous purple velvet dresses in there... The second was probably Mystic Rose in the Harris Arcade in Reading, where I wanted everything Raven and Alchemy Gothic made, but could barely afford a pair of earrings, then I went to the indoor market - St. Nick's - in Bristol - while I was in my Steampunk phase, and I bought my first ever made-for-Goth item, a black frock-coat, to wear with a white frilly shirt from a mainstream store, and green velvet trousers, and whatever brocade waistcoat I could find, a monocle and a cheap costume-shop 'top-hat', or with a high-necked blouse, and a floor-length purple velvet skirt from a hippie shop... I still have that coat, although I'm a now a bit too busty to fit it.

I wasn't allowed on eBay as a teen, and I didn't have PayPal, so I mostly relied on charity shops; mail-order catalogs and Goth shops were generally more than I could afford, and while my Dad didn't openly disapprove, he was hardly going to let me spend money on that sort of fashion.  I rapidly learned that I wasn't going to find exactly what I wanted in Oxfam, and that I would have to learn to modify things, and rapidly learned to apply lace and better buttons to things, and how to do other simple modifications. With a limited budget, basic sewing skills, and a general lack of time and resources, I was a long way from looking like an evil sorceress-queen or a vampire lord, or really looking like anything that was vaguely put-together, but with patience, improving my sewing skills, and finally getting access to the great secondhand resources of eBay and the like, well as becoming an adult and having a full-time job, I could finally start to build a wardrobe that I really like. 

New hair-do required matching make-up

A decade and a half later and it literally is enough clothes for two wardrobes  and several boxes, because I'm something of a clothes collector now. I'm slowly scouring the internet for all the beautiful dresses I pined over as a teen but which were then far out of my price-range, and finding them secondhand on the internet for about £15 -£20, and then customising them with lace and trims. There's a meme on the internet 'be the Goth queen your 12 year old self dreamed of' and while 'queen' isn't always the aesthetic I'm going for ('prince', 'pirate', and 'terrifying bog-witch' sometimes), it's something I feel strongly about; it might have taken many years to get there, but I've actually achieved a (fairly minor) goal; I look like the kind of person my younger self admired. 

I went through a lot of style switches and hopped subcultures as a teen, but even when I was dabbling in Steampunk or a more 'Hippie' aesthetic, things with lace-up details, big bell sleeves, lots of lace, full skirts, brocade waistcoats, velvet trousers, etc. always ended up in my wardrobe. It appealed to my love of history and also to my love of fantasy - whether that was the graceful elves of Lord of the Rings or the decadent vampires of 'Interview with a Vampire' - it also always felt luxurious to be wearing this rich fabrics and fancy lace, and growing up very poor, I'd had very little luxury. At some point I would like to do an article on class dynamics and the 'fantasy aristocrat' aesthetic, but this isn't going to be it. 

I think there's an element of escapism, in that Romantic Goth clothes let you dress like something apart from the regular world, but I don't think it's necessarily a pretense; there's a little of that when it starts getting into painting yourself an undead grey/white, wearing contact lenses and fangs, latex ear prosthetics etc. deliberately looking like a fantasy creature, but that tends to be reserved for the sorts of festivals where taking on a persona is part of the fun, or for photoshoots - one step down from LARPing, but for most people involved, we don't think we're literally vampires, demons, sorceresses and fae, nor are we LARPing - what we're doing is expressing our fandom, our enjoyment of literature, film, comics and art depicting fantastical themes. I can't speak for others, but I'm not trying to take on a persona (sometimes I do as a bit of a joke, but it's several layers deep in irony and campiness), I'm expressing what I love in those things.It's not about being the villain, it's about having their  wardrobe; it's not about being someone else, it's about being enthusiastically and outrageously myself.

My decor is stereotypically Goth in black and silver

To me, Romantic Goth embracing all the decadence, drama and fanciful things that many people only allow to be expressed in the realms of fantasy; there is no reason other than social acceptability to NOT to dress like that. Building my identity positionally to 'the mainstream' is something I think is pretty pointless, and I don't dress differently as some act of defiance, but it's not like I'm oblivious to the fact I stand out, that even many other Goths dress a lot more casually than I do, especially with the popularity of the more minimalist Nu-Goth aesthetic at the moment. I turn heads, and not always in a good way; I don't like attention even if it's positive, and while I disregard the negative opinions of strangers as irrelevant, it's a lot harder (and stupider) to ignore when that escalates to outright aggression. However, as I've written about before, I will never trade expressing myself for blending in.

While a lot of Romantic Goth takes historical inspiration, primarily Medieval Europe, Baroque and Victorian, and more recently there's an increasing interest in the Norse cultures of the 8thC to 11thC, there's a wide variation from those who are interested in getting the historical attire correct for the period, with the right shoes, undergarments, and maybe some actual elements of antique dress, to those who are less interested in recreating history and more interested in being creative with the inspiration - I am certainly the latter; I love history (hence my second degree studies being in history & archaeology), and I also know how much time, effort and research it takes to do historical garb justice, and I don't have that time, sewing skill, or money to pay someone who does. I also love the creativity and aesthetics of the more fantasy orientated designs. I do like to borrow elements from historical dress, especially Edwardian and Victorian, sometimes a little 18thC stuff, but I don't want to recreate history, just use it for inspiration. 

I've noticed a slight decline in the Romantic Goth aesthetic - I think it was pretty popular in the '90s, and then with the explosion of Goth-specific manufacturers, became a lot more accessible in the '00s, but in recent years the Pastel Goth and Nu-Goth aesthetics have dominated, although the 'witchy' aesthetic that was previously characterised by white-on-black occult prints seems to be shifting to something involving more black dresses, with the same big black hats popularised by American Horror Story: Coven. There's also a lot of people into a Norse aesthetic at the moment - 'Vikings' 'Norsemen' 'Vinland Saga' and 'The Last Kingdom' probably contributing strongly to that! I think there's something perennial about Romantic Goth, and while which particular fantasy/supernatural icon or historical period dominate, it will continue. A lot of the older Romantic Goth brands seem to have dwindled, although some like Sinister and Dark*Star are still going strong, but new ones - like the sponsor of this post, ::Punk Rave:: are filling that niche. 

I accepted the ::Punk Rave:: sponsorship because I've bought quite a few clothes from them in the past, and I've always been impressed by both the attention to detail and the quality. They're at the pricier end of the scale, so I tend to buy new clothes from them once in a while, but even secondhand they are well worth checking out because the clothes are durable enough that they'll still be in good repair. These are definitely clothes worth the money. I really love their take on the Romantic Goth aesthetic, as there's a lot of influence from Gothic Lolita and Visual Kei aesthetics, which is refreshing compared the usual Western fare. Unlike many Goth brands, Punk Rave actually show their factory on their website and have their clothes made within the company rather than outsourced to a supplier; this allows for a lot more oversight in quality, and my guess is that the better fabric choices came when they opened their own factory, as their very early garments had lace that really wasn't as nice as it is now. Punk Rave's lace is often FAR nicer than I see on many other brands - no scratch raschel lace! A $50 coupon is wonderful, and I will be putting it towards ::a lovely cloak:: from them, but my opinion isn't bought - I will only ever recommend brands I genuinely trust. 

What is that expression I've got??

As a bonus for reading this far, have a 'blooper reel' picture of me in an awkwardly imperious pose - it's an out of context image from me trying to film a room decor tour, but at least you get to see the whole outfit with faux-leather cincher and mesh insert skirt. I will try again at filming a tour of my study decor, which is just as Romantic Goth as my clothes are - my love for the aesthetic goes far beyond just fashion. Check out my Instagram account of @domesticatedgoth for more decor pictures. I'm wearing a corset in the photo; those elasticated cinchers don't give an hourglass figure. 

Being An Adult Goth

Being an adult Goth has its own challenges.

I wrote about being an adult Goth before, ::here::. After watching ::this:: video by Mama Bat on YouTube, who wanted to hear from Goths over the age of 25, I was inspired to write about it again. I know I'm probably repeating myself, but I hope I am not repeating myself too much.

Firstly, some clarification. I'm not an ElderGoth; I don't remember the most of the '80s  as I wasn't even born until the latter end, and I wasn't part of the scene in the '90s, and I only started getting interested in Goth in the early to mid '00s - that's still well over 10 years ago, but it's only a fraction of the time some people have been in this scene, and I don't want to claim experience that I don't have. However, I am an adult, and I've had to live in the 'big wide world', beyond education institutions (school, college, university) and there's definitely a shift that takes place when you have different considerations in your life. This entry is mostly about the differences in my experience being a Goth as a teenager and as an adult. 

It's NOT Just A Phase

As a teenager, I did go through phases of experimenting with subcultural identities, starting with Goth and eventually returning, and this, coupled with the general misconception that Goth is unilaterally an expression of temporary teenage angst and rebellion, meant that it was very often presumed that it would be something I would grow out of. Adults around me often refused to support me in being Goth, because of this - it wasn't based around disapproval of the content, more that when I was still dependent on my family financially and was fixated on the idea of made-for-Goth clothes and buying my music as CDs, I wasn't going to get bought anything Goth as it was seen as something too transitory to invest in (this was less of an issue when I realised that charity shops sold non-mainstream things and adaptable things, and how to customise things, and as I got older and could earn my own money, etc.). As I did flit between subcultural identities this was understandable, and as stroppy as I may have been about this when I was 13/14, I don't begrudge it now. The other problem I had was how my mental health issues, as real and obvious as they should have been, where dismissed as me "attention seeking" as some sort of angsty teenage phase connected to my being Goth, but that is another issue. 

Still being Goth now, all those years laters, has proven that this time, it wasn't a phase; this actually is who I really am. Some of my family are now more accepting because of this, and others are less accepting. I think there were some who tolerated it because they thought it was something I would have abandoned soon enough anyway, and now that I've demonstrated that this is who I am, they have more of an issue with it. I feel that there is a sentiment that if it had been a feigned interest done for temporary rebelliousness, then that was something tolerable because it wouldn't have been a reflection of me, just an affected pose, and therefore while pretentious and annoying, not an indication of my truly embracing values and interests that they are opposed to. 

I also get criticism from strangers - often variations on "aren't you too old to be trying to piss off your parents?" and "how are you supposed to get a job when you look like that". My rebuttal to the first is that my father's completely accepting of my dress sense. He doesn't personally really like that style and I think he liked it better when I was into more hippie/bohemian things as that is closer to his interests, but he also accepts that there's nothing wrong with it, and has no problem with me being Goth or dressing the way I do. As to the underlying idea that Goth is inherently for teenagers, I explained in previous article that it's actually aimed more towards adults, especially when the club scene is such a major component. My reply to the second usually was "I have a job!" but now I'm at university and had to quit my job to study (architecture is an intensive course, and I personally can't juggle the course and a job), my response is a bit more detailed; there are plenty of Goths who have jobs, but I accept that some employers prefer a more conservative appearance, and I can change my look to be appropriate to the situation.
This brings me on to the next topic..

Balancing Employer's Requirements And Goth

This is something I touched on in my previous blog article about being an adult Goth.

One thing I worry about is if employers and potential employers would deem my subcultural affiliation as a sign that I might be a bad employee - there are reasons I keep this blog under the pseudonym of 'HouseCat', and where I do use my real name, only use part of it,  and one of those is that if potential employers search me on the internet under my full name, they won't immediately find my work in the subculture. I'm not ashamed of being Goth, but I am worried about the prevalence misconceptions and misinformation; a lot of people think we're deviants and delinquents, when we're really nothing like that. When I do things with a subcultural leaning that can be relevant work experience, I get very conflicted, and think very carefully about how I word things, often leaving out the word 'Goth'. 

Each employer and each job will have different dress-codes, some have uniforms and some are very strict about a homogenous appearance. Some are also more likely to look down on anything relating to subcultural identity - I worked in one place that had a policy of "pale" nail-varnish colours only, and where I got reprimanded for silver nail-polish (definitely pale!) while another girl with a more mainstream aesthetic was allowed to wear neon yellow and I got told that there wasn't going to be a colour I would be allowed to wear that would fit in with my style, and that they'd prefer pink... In general, however, I've found that my aesthetic quirks are usually accepted as long as I am smart and well-groomed and wear whatever attire is required for the job in hand. 

I know that architecture, the field I will be going into, requires a more conservatively professional aesthetic than some, but it is also a creative field, so there is some leniency for eccentricity. I expect that it will be beneficial to me in the search for employment to dye my hair a natural colour, for example. One of my friends, a purple-haired Goth lady, has recently got an internship with a firm in the US, and she is dyeing her purple hair a more natural colour for that. When the time comes for me to sacrifice my emerald green hair, I will either seek out either a PPD free black dye (SUGGESTIONS WELCOME!) or go for a redhead look. I have been ginger before, and I liked it, however I do sometimes miss my jet-black hair, hence the collection of black wigs. In the meantime, I will continue to revel in the freedom being at university gives me. 

While, in an ideal world, aesthetic preference wouldn't be taken as a measure of competency, and whether you prefer dyed green hair to dyed blonde, or have piercings and tattoos would be irrelevant as long as you maintained a smart and well-groomed appearance, we're not living in an ideal world, and I accept that compromises have to be made. All my tattoos are planned for parts of my body that won't show under usual office attire, and I took most of my piercings out years ago. I have a real passion for architecture and especially for historic buildings, and if modifying my appearance makes it easier for me to do what I love, then I'm willing to make compromises, especially as Goth is so much more than just fashion, so even if I'm making compromises with my appearance, it doesn't stop me from having an '80s 'Trad. Goth' playlist for my bus commutes or going out to a Goth event on a Friday night instead of a regular bar, or whatnot. 

Benefits Of Being An Adult Goth

The obvious benefit of being an adult Goth is that I'm old enough to participate in the club scene; I'm above legal drinking age (18 in the U.K.) and to go to gigs at venues that sell alcohol, and therefore take part in a huge portion of the subculture I couldn't take part in as a younger teen, but that's not the only benefit. As mentioned before, having my own independent income means I am free to chose what I spend it on (even though often times that has meant spending what little I earned primarily on rent, food and utilities, with little spare for things like music, clothes, books, etc. - being an adult also means adult responsibilities) and even though I certainly don't think how Goth you are should be measured by disposable income spent on Goth, it certainly does make things easier now that I can buy records or velvet skirts for myself, or tickets to gigs, entry fees to clubs... As I've progressed in terms of employment and had more income, that has allowed me to afford to spend more on Goth, too. I'm now a student again, and gave up my job to study, so I'm back to thrift shopping on the rare occasions I can afford even that, but when I was working, that certainly helped with how much I could participate.

I think the best thing about being an adult and a Goth is that I can travel around more independently. Personally, I am unable to drive due to health reasons, but there's still a lot of benefits to being able to travel independently rather than having to ask my Dad for a lift, or always having to travel with friends, in terms of flexibility of participation. I only have to fit travel around public transport and my own schedule, not everyone else's. While I am limited by my schedule and by the reach of my disabled person's travel pass (Scotland only), it's nice to be able to go beyond the town I live in to access Goth gigs and events, and meet up with friends in the subculture. As I live somewhere a bit more rural, this is definitely useful, as even nearby towns don't have much in the way of Goth events and gigs, and it usually means a trip to Glasgow or Edinburgh.

Having my own space, free of parental rules, or the rules of dorms and student housing (eg. no posters on the walls was frequently a rule, as this was seen as a fire-hazard, and also all electrical items must be safety-checked, including string-lights, and this had to be paid for so a £1 set of Hallowe'en scary-lights suddenly would also have to cost an electrician's safety-check fee, and seemed a less attractive proposition, and again another fire-safety rule was absolutely no candles or incense) meant the ability to have a space I could make more homely, and more in keeping with aesthetic and musical tastes. Rental properties often didn't let me make any major changes to the decor, but I was free to put my own pictures up, to have string lights and candles, to put in my own furniture, etc. Now I've got a mortgage on my 'own' house (well, it doesn't feel like it's completely mine all the time the mortgage is fairly new and the amount we've paid off is tiny compared to the size of the loan) I can completely re-decorate - a process I am thoroughly throwing myself into.


This is mostly my own experience as an adult Goth, and I would love to hear about the experiences of other adult Goths. Also, as someone who feels like they missed out on the first 25-ish years of Goth, I also love hearing about Goth before I started being one in the early/mid '00s (although that is somewhat tangental from this blog entry). 

Getting Older & Not Really Changing

One thing I like about Romantic Goth fashion is that is not age-specific. I have seen it on every kind of person from little girls to older men, and it looks good on pretty much anyone, regardless of age, sex and gender, size or skin colour. Mainstream fashion seems, especially these days, to have a focus on sexually show-casing the body underneath the clothes, especially for women, and Romantic Goth fashion can be like that, but only if you choose it to be, and a lot of the time the focus is more on the clothes themselves than the body wearing them - there's too much detail, too many lush fabrics, textures, details and extravagance that steal the show. As such, my fashion sense doesn't really need to change as I get older... 

But this does not mean that my fashion sense has not changed... As a teenager this was mostly due to experimentation with different styles, but after that I think it had more to do with budget than taste. I always loved the Romantic styles of Goth, but that sort of thing either costs a lot new, or takes a lot of time and effort to track down secondhand and more budget-friendly prices. While I was still building a fancier wardrobe, I still wanted to express my being part of the Gothic subculture, so I chose more modern, plainer and casual-looking expressions of that style. 

Photo by Chance Photography

This picture is from 2010, taken at Wallingford Castle, in Oxfordshire. As you can see, I'm still clearly on the darker side of Alternative, but I'm not wearing anything particularly extravagant. It's not that I didn't have Romantic Goth clothes at that time - I did - I just didn't have enough to wear it daily, and a lot of the time I reserved it for clubbing because I was scared to damage or ruin my nicer things through everyday use. 

Photo by my sister

This is another picture, from 2008, that my sister took, again of me in Wallingford, and in it I am wearing a rather elaborate top by Raven and fancy lace tights. I was probably wearing buckle boots and a lacy short skirt; I can't really remember. I think my sister and I were going out for dinner that evening, so I had made the effort. Nowadays, that sort of outfit is pretty everyday for me, but probably with a longer skirt as it's noticeably cooler even in summer in Scotland, plus I am more comfortable covered up. 

Now I have a wardrobe that I have spent years accumulating, and which I am relatively happy with, I am not planning on changing my style much as I get older. A more sedentary life as a student has resulted in my putting on a bit of weight, but I am trying to make the effort to eat better (I don't have as much time to cook healthy meals as I did) and to exercise more; e.g getting off the bus a stop earlier so I have further to walk. This is partly out of concern for my health, but also because I could not afford to have to buy a whole new collection of Goth clothes in bigger sizes; it's taken me 10 years and a LOT of thrift shopping to accumulate what I have, and it would take me another 10 years to do that again! I can't rebuild that wardrobe in a short space of time; I just couldn't afford it, especially as my studies are so intensive that I don't have time to have a part-time job and keep up with my university work. 

Now I am a student, people often now assume that I am a lot younger than I am (by 10 years!) simply because I am a Goth AND a student; Goth is for teenagers, university is for people just leaving secondary school, and thus also teenagers, therefore I must be about 17 to 19 years old. This frustrates me, especially as I know that even with all the make-up I wear I do not physically look that young! I have crow's feet by my eyes, and laughter lines, and my skin is not as soft and clear as it once was. For some people Goth might be a teenage phase, as they explore different facets to their identity, in the same way Steampunk was a phase for me, but for many Goth is a lifelong subcultural affiliation. 

I am also getting to the age where people who know how old I really am are saying that I should have grown out of it by now - by which they usually mean grown out of wearing the fashion, as there's usually no objection to grown adults still listening to the music they enjoyed as teens, or reading horror novels or being interested in the spookier side of history or any of the other 'Goth' things about me. Apparently, I am supposed to have calmed down, with my wild years behind me, and matured into being a normal adult, with the implication that Goth is immature; that is to me, a sentiment based in ignorance.  

Firstly, most Goths I know aren't living wild party lifestyles; that tends to be preserve of young adults who seem pretty mainstream; it's usually 18-25 year olds who don't look particularly alternative that I see getting completely inebriated to the point of being paralytic and doing wild and ridiculous acts in city centres late at night - not Goths! That's not to say that Goths don't ever get drunk or do stupid things, or even take drugs, just that it's not really a feature of the subculture itself; people are diverse and you get tea-total Goths, and Goths who binge-drink. 

Goth is something that in its full manifestation stares unblinkingly at the darker side of life in ways that in some instances are really for adults only. I would actually say that if our subculture got ratings the same way as films or computer games, there'd be sections of it rated 15 at least, and plenty for over 18s only (I know that the movie rating system works differently in other countries). It is not about teenage angst, or trying to seem rebellious in the eyes of authority figures ('trying to scare your parents'); it is about finding the beauty in the darkness, and while there are child-friendly manifestations of that (Tim Burton's films like 'Nightmare Before Christmas', 'Frankenweenie' and 'The Corpse Bride'), there are also aspects that are very much for adults (the overlap with fetish culture, for example) and as so much of it is centred around clubbing and gigs, that is going to mean that active participation is going to be related to the local legal drinking age. This doesn't mean that children and teenagers shouldn't have a place in the subculture - they should, but an age-appropriate one. 

Sometimes there is career pressure to look more mundane. I know this is going to happen to me again as architecture is a very traditionally professional field, and not everyone is famous or applauded enough to get away with being as Goth at work as the wonderful ::Odile Decq:: (one of my favourite architects; I wrote about her for one of my assignments on contemporary architecture last semester). I know that, after I finish my studies, I will probably have to dye my hair a more natural colour (I plan on having it ginger or auburn... this has happened before, and I liked it!) and I know I will have to wear professional attire; something I already know how to style in ways that still express myself without seeming overly Gothic from my time working at a school. Architecture is a more creative field, so a bit of eccentricity is to be expected, which means I may have a little more leniency than if I were, say, a lawyer or an accountant.