Scene Drama

I was just reading ::this:: post by The Everyday Goth, and I thoroughly recommend it - especially if you are a younger Goth in your teens, and are first encountering drama within any scene or subculture. I wrote a fairly long comment on the article, and I think article struck a chord with me. I am not going to repeat what The Everyday Goth has already said; I agree with all the advice she has given and certainly think it is good advice to follow. 

My first observation on scene drama is that there appears to be two kinds of drama - the kind where there is no underlying actual problem other than a person who likes to create drama, and people deliberately wanting drama are creating a storm in a tea cup over nothing much, and the other kind where whatever the underlying argument is, feelings run deep and the actual issue needs to be resolved at some point for it to stop continually resurfacing. 

The first type can be ridden out, and with careful observation those who are either starting or perpetuating the drama for their amusement or for some silly convoluted social politics will be evident, so you can know to avoid those people and their drama. This sort of drama is usually either entirely fabricated with the use of rumours and gossip, or a deliberate escalation of what really ought to be a minor and private matter. A key sign with this sort of drama, and those who start it is that it makes private disagreements as public as possible - people involved will post their personal fallings-out on social media, on forums, and tell everyone who will listen, provide you with screen-caps of sections of privately messaged conversation to "prove" who is in the right, and try and get as many people as possible to join in with the airing of grievances. Whether this is done to deliberately damage someone's reputation or simply because the person in question is wanting to be the centre of attention, similar methods are used, and the dispute being aired is either nonsense or something minor that has been inflated, and is absolutely not worth getting involved in - getting involved will only make matters worse, and is best ignored and left to die of attention starvation. 

The second type is trickier, especially when it is an issue that actually involves the local scene instead of just an issue affecting the personal lives of certain members - say an argument over the management/mismanagement of club nights or the organisation of an event or some such (for example there's been big drama recently in the Lolita community over how certain large Lolita events in America were run, with online petitions being written, and people in communities world-wide getting involved if even as distant commentators). These sorts of dramas are not empty, and while people's personal grievances often get dragged into them, there is usually a larger underlying issue. 

Sometimes it is worth getting involved to get the issue solved, but it has to be done in a way that is constructive rather than causes a rift. These sorts of issues are certainly where The Everyday Goth's advice of picking your battles is important, and knowing where the boundaries are between constructive disagreement and causing a vicious schism. Certainly, if you feel there is a real issue in your community, do what you can to further things, but make sure your behaviour in trying to achieve results does not degenerate to petty tactics. I often see people who think they are campaigning on the side of some variant on righteousness acting in ways that really are not right at all. If there is a problem in your Goth, Lolita or similar community, it needs resolving so that you are a stronger and more cohesive group, not becoming the starting point for a major and divisive issue; divisions in the community will weaken it, will make it harder for people to collaborate and organise things, and generally more difficult for any form of progress to be made, whether it relates to the issue that caused the division or not.

I should not have to really write this guide to good conduct, but as these issues constantly resurface, and often times those perpetuating them seem like perhaps they really have lost touch with what is reasonable in their endeavours rather than are simply nasty people, here it is:

Don't result to personal insults, threats or wishing misfortune on people. It is incredibly childish. I work at a primary school and this is literally the sort of behaviour I sometimes witness in the playground. If you are older than 13, you have no excuse to be acting like this, and even if you are younger than that, you should be learning to make better choices. If I expect better conduct from a child at primary school than what you are doing, you have really, really, stooped low. "You are lower than scum" is just a more elaborate way of saying "You're a poop-head" and no less childish. 

No giant internet battles/flame wars! This is where the entire forum, or even a large section of the online community for a scene, are arguing over the internet with each other. We probably all have better things to spend that time on in our offline lives! Sometimes people on the internet are wrong, and you do not have to make it your personal mission to correct every wrong person. 

No getting an e-posse on side to troll and harass the opposition. It is tempting to tell all your friends about how bad something is and urge them to take action, but be careful about who you are talking to. There are those people who, on hearing about an issue, will take time to look at both sides of the problem, and consider their stance - and only then take action, and if so, will do so with reasoned arguments if participating in discussion, or maybe with signing a petition if it is a big issue, or perhaps write an article on their position that is not vindictive or denegrating the opposition. There are also those who will only have listened to, or understood, half of what you have told them, have no interest in the other side of the matter, jump to conclusions, act purely on a knee-jerk emotional reaction rather than take time to look into things more deeply, and will immediately start with the hateful words and the "I hope you die in a fire" type comments. Think before you tell people things; if a person falls into the second category, telling them may unwittingly escalate things. If you are deliberately inciting the second category of people, that is deliberately provoking drama and it is a) counterproductive to your cause and b) very petty. 

No screaming matches. If you have got to the point where you are actually face-to-face yelling at each other, you have both lost. No progress can be made when emotions are running that high and people are too hurt and too angry to think straight. At this point it is better to walk away and let somebody else take on the role of trying to fix the issue. If it has got as far as a real life argument, then both people arguing are probably very firmly fixed in their perspective, and it is often a complete waste of time arguing with them, especially as the more emotionally attached someone is to an issue, the more likely they are to disregard any reason or evidence that goes counter to their stance. 

Certainly no attempts at trying to bring harsh real-world problems onto those you disagree with. This means no doxxing, no telling people's employers or similar institutions with authority over them that after hours they are goths/fetishists/Pagans/whatever misunderstood group, etc. (something similar happened to me when I was a teen about me being Pagan...). I have even seen petitions to have people fired from their jobs where the issue has absolutely no relation to their employment. Those who start these actions are often being vindictive at worst, or at best hugely misguided in an "the ends justify the means" attempt to improve things, and those who join in to support these actions need to thoroughly consider how destructive the rammification of these actions are. Sometimes the ends do not justify the means, and it is real people being hurt at the other side of a computer screen. 

If there is a real issue in your community that needs to be addressed, try and resolve it like mature adults with discussions, compromises, and simply refusing to participate in events you don't think are run right, or if you think you could do better, actually DOING that. The phrase "I could do better" often crops up in complaints about club nights, amongst the perennial complaints about club nights "the music selection is awful! The venue is awful! The timing is awful! I could do better!!" - but rarely does anyone actually try and do better, because they are just wanting to moan, and neither do they request better tunes, actually contact anyone about improvements to the venue ("the toilet door's broken, it's been that way for years" - so has anyone told the management about this? Has anyone contacted the venue owners? Has anyone made a proper complaint? Maybe even volunteered to fix it?) or suggest better dates - for example, if a club night is mainly patronised by students, it is probably best to host a summer event AFTER university exams are over, so those running the club night need to know when that is. Communicate issues clearly, speak up to those who have the power to change things, and if you honestly think you can do better, have a go; maybe you could be the start of something good!

Alternative X - The Last One At Karma!

As readers may know, Inverness has - or possibly had - two different club nights specialising in alternative music: Rapture, which was metal and rock, and Alternative X which was more diverse, also including Goth, Industrial, EBM and Punk music. Recently the Karma Lounge, which hosted these events, closed. As yet no new venue has been announced for either, although there have been various suggestions from within the community. 

Pre-clubbing selfie. Note swirls and bat hair-clip! 

Raven and I went to the last Alternative X hosted at Karma, which was also a celebration of one of the organiser's birthday (Debra's). This was back in early September (5th), but sadly my computer broke (rather literally; mechanical hard-drive failure) shortly afterwards and I did not get this blog post finished. My apologies for this event review being so long after the fact!

 

My "how do I get the webcam to work?" face

It was a busy night by Alternative X standards, and I got to spend a lot of time with good friends. We stayed out pretty late! I can't remember how late. I drank more than I usually would hence the ridiculous poses in the coffin booth - at least it shows how green my hair was (Stargazer's UV dye range glows pretty well under a UV light, I found out!), we took a taxi back home rather late indeed, and fun was had by all. My favourite thing about Alternative X and the other Goth nights is that I get to see all the friends who live too far away from either my home or the city to see regularly, which is always nice. The Highlands are quite a sparse area, and those in the scene here are quite spread out over a wide area; it can be hard to keep in touch in person.  I really wish I had a couple of photos of Raven, because he wore a black kilt out clubbing!

I hope Alternative X and Rapture find new venues; it's nice to have at least one night every month or two where I can go to a club and hear music I like and dance, drink and socialise with other alternative types! Inverness and Highlands don not have much in the way of alternative events and it would be a shame to loose what we already have. 

Rapture Night

Rapture is a Metal, Rock & Goth night held at the Karma Lounge in Inverness. 

Raven and I went out clubbing last night. We had a lot of fun and enjoyed the evening. I spent time ahead of going out on such things as heat-straightening my purple wig, painting my cut-out, leather-effect mask from Accessorise with glitter nail-polish at the edges, and hot-gluing glittery fabric flowers from Primark onto an alice-band after the original elastic snapped. 

Festive coffin! Photo by Raven

It didn't start on time, which is my only major complaint - the published start was 21:30, but we didn't get in until after 22:00, which meant a group of us ended up waiting and chatting in the cold. The weather wasn't that bad, especially for mid-December in the Highlands - it was actually unusually mild. No snow, temperatures above freezing, only a drizzle of rain. We were all mutually acquainted to some degree, which meant we could have a nice chat (the alternative scene up here is rather small, most of us know each other at least a little bit). 

Spooky

The night itself was brilliant, with a lot of metal, moshing and head-banging to be done. I am certainly a Goth rather than a Metalhead, but even I ended up head-banging along with the others. I would say that Rapture leans more toward Metal and Rock than Alternative X, which is more varied. I made several requests and suggestions on the event's Facebook page in advance (I like to give a selection of suggestions rather than make a single request, that way it is more likely that a selected piece will match my tastes, the DJ's tastes, and the rest of the music for the night) of which at least two were played; 'Ribbons' by Sisters of Mercy and the Blutengel song 'Reich mir die Hand', which has all-German lyrics and therefore no awkward English phrasing, something that occurs in some of their English and bi-lingual songs.

One thing I feel I ought to note is that this is one of the rare times I have been out clubbing and not had the persistent attention of anyone trying to pressurise me with unwanted sexual advances - I don't know if security are doing a better job of keeping out known "creepers" or what, but I quite like having a night out without some person who will not leave me alone after being politely told that I am not interested trying to invade my personal space or worse still, touch me without my permission. 

I met up with lots of friends, some I hadn't seen in a while, and made a couple of new acquaintances (including a lassie who wasn't much into Metal, but really liked the Goth clothes of our little group). All in all, it was a good night, and I had a lot of fun (and trotted off for a chicken pakora later). I woke up rather late today (oops) and a bit sore from doing myself an injury by dancing too vigorously for my attire and lack of sobriety, but otherwise cheerful and satisfied. 

Clubbing Etiquette

Hints and Tips To Make Clubbing More Enjoyable For Everyone

I was re-reading old Gothic Charm school posts, and this is inspired by a couple of posts by The Lady of The Manners (The wonderful Jillian Venters) which can be read ::here:: (contains swears), ::here:: and ::here::. I've taken my own spin on this, and decided to mention a few other points based on my own experience of life in Goth club-land.

Photograph from Alternative X in the Karma Lounge, Inverness.
Raven and I. I think him being a cyber/industrial type has been mentioned.
Photograph by Sammi from Karma Lounge in Inverness. 

Do not bitch about how club nights never play music you like, instead do something positive about it and make requests, or politely enter the music discussions that often exist on the web pages for club nights. If they play things you do like, mention it, and if they play something you like and you don't know what it was, check the playlist afterwards - you can find some interesting bands that way. When making requests, remember that you are supposed to request and not demand, and do be polite to the DJ. Also, keep a note of what has already been played and remember the musical theme of the night. E.g Goth night is not metal night, and Goth night is also not back-to-back Bauhaus night. (yes, I am on something of a Bauhaus kick at the moment.). It is often easier to make a written request than to try and shout over the music and noise of the club, and sometimes there are request lists on a clipboard or similar. 

If you want to request things at the DJ booth, first of all plan a route to it that is not

a) directly across the dance floor, especially if there's lots of dry-ice and/or strobing as people dancing may not be able to see or hear where you are and you could get accidentally hit or bumped into  (also, remember to either finish your drink or leave it guarded if you want to venture anywhere near the dance-floor)

or

b) stumbling through cabling, speakers, or anything else to do with the sound system. Accidentally unplug things, or dare I say, it spill drinks on electrical things at your own peril. I will not save you if the DJ or club-owner feeds you to the Rivetheads for breaking their things through your carelessness.

Tip the bar staff, be polite to them, and order clearly. Remember that clubs are loud places and that getting your drink right involves them having to understand what you ordered - there is a difference between "an Amaretto, and a coke" and "an Amaretto & coke", something I did not enunciate clearly enough in a club once - I will not blame the bar staff for what was me not being clear enough in a crowded and loud environment. If it is an honest mistake, do not get shirty with the staff, although I admit I have only seen already-drunk 'tourists' do this, not the alternative regulars of any Goth night I have attended. 

In the Karma Lounge with fan after much dancing.
Alternative X club night.
Photograph by Sammi from Karma Lounge

Try and keep an eye on where other dancers are. I admit I have terrible spacial awareness and have flailed into other club patrons before, and therefore try to keep to the fringes of the dance floor or open spaces where there is less chance of me hitting someone. Alcohol impairs co-ordination, so try to take this into account as the night progresses and give yourself extra room as you go on. I know that's not easy because alcohol also impairs good sense! 

If people are buying you drinks, do buy them drinks in return. Do not raise the hopes of people looking to chat you up just to get free drinks - it is generally unkind, and also can be potentially dangerous as there are incidents of dosed drinks (thankfully not at any club I've been to) and of people reacting nastily to being 'led on' (also not something I have personally encountered). Make it clear you are not interested in sex or romance if you are not, and remember there is nothing wrong with making new friends instead of finding a new partner (romantic, sexual, or otherwise), and nothing wrong with turning people away. If people keep trying to chat you up despite you making it clear that you do not want to be chatted up, or even in their company, tell them directly, and then leave the situation and tell someone (e.g club security). It is not 'causing a scene' to do so.

Do not monopolise the bathrooms. If your makeup, hair, outfit or wig needs adjusting, stand out of the way of people using the sinks to wash their hands after using the toilets. Queue politely. It does not take four people for one person to use the facilities - socialise on the club floor, not in the bathroom. If you need space outside of the club for a bit, consider standing outside for a bit (factoring in weather, concentration of smokers, etc.) rather than standing in the bathroom. A lot of clubs have quite small bathrooms and they can get very crowded very quickly. 

Read what the Lady of the Manners had to say about it over 10 years ago, and remember that it still applies now. Think about how your behaviour at the club impacts on others' enjoyment of the evening. Generally, be considerate.

Photographs by Sammi from the Karma Lounge, used with permission. 

Alternative X - Or "HouseCat Goes Clubbing"

I rarely go clubbing. I went out for drinks a couple of weeks back for somebody's leaving 'do', but that was not 'clubbing'! The last time I went clubbing properly was on Halloween night 2011, where incidentally I went to another Alternative X night in Inverness. Back in 2011 Alternative X was held at a club called 'Cake' but when Cake closed, Alternative X was made venue-less. I think Halloween 2011 was their last night for quite a while. 

Anyway, Alternative X is now hosted by Karma Lounge, on Young Street in Inverness. Karma Lounge has hosted other nights that I've really wanted to go to (including UV nights! I love glowing!) but have always been so far unable to go to. Partly it is because I live outside of the town, and don't like travelling around the city as an alternative female on my own. I get a lot less bother when I'm out with Raven. Anyway, I heard some of my friends were going, so arranged to meet up with them and go out.

I hadn't been inside the Karma Lounge before, and it seems like quite a nice place. The main floor is divided into four areas - an entrance area with steps and a ramp, a standing area (part of which was the dance-floor), some seating and tables, and at the back were what looks like cushions and sofas - presumably what gives the place the 'Lounge' aspect of its name! They appeared closed off for the club night, though. Toilets were upstairs and a bit odd to navigate to - I thought I'd accidentally wandered into staff areas to begin with. They have a quote from  Paul's letters to the Galatians about reaping and sowing painted on a cross-beam. There's a building not far away with Bible quotes on the outside wall, telling people not get drunk engraved into the walls, so it's interesting to see the Bible quoted in such different context in the same city (from different centuries).

I was the first person of our little group to arrive, and ended up sitting alone. Two guys sat down next to me, this was fine, they were polite, asked first, etc, didn't bother me. I heard them speaking in Polish, and I recognised the voice... Started a conversation with them, later found out, after talking Roller Derby, that the chap I was talking to was a friend of a friend and that we'd met before at that leaving do I'd mentioned earlier, but in this different context, neither of us had initially recognised the other! Proof that it is a small world (especially in the alternative scene) indeed.

I caught up with my friends, ended up only buying a couple of drinks in the whole night (for others) and people were constantly buying me drinks (apparently I dance well or something... I think I dance badly and people are getting me more drinks to lower my inhibitions and therefore have me dance more (and in a less co-ordinated manner) in order to giggle at this... Perhaps I am paranoid). Drinks were reasonably priced, the Amaretto was tasty (downing shots of it, though, is never a good idea for me!). It was a free entry night, and usually when clubs run free entry nights, the price of the drinks are inflated, but it didn't seem the case with Alternative X and Karma Lounge. 

The music erred more towards rock and Metal than Goth, with a dash of Punk (I was screaming along to the Sex Pistols at one point) but that seemed fair given that the majority of the clientele were Metal-Heads rather than Goths. They did play 'Lucretia, My Reflection' by Sisters of Mercy and 'Spellbound' by Siouxsie and the Banshees, and a couple of other tracks that catered towards the more traditional Goth scene, but I didn't hear EBM or similar, though (although I guess that for those that don't like 'Cyber-Goth' that will be a good thing. 

I met the host, Brian, who is a very friendly person, who went around, looking to see that all the patrons were enjoying themselves. He also introduced me to his wife (whom I first noted for wearing a gorgeous fitted long leather coat, frilly shirt, cincher and New Rocks. Romantic Goth done excellently!) and his wife and I seem to get on really well - we were  chatting away for ages! It's nice to see a Goth night run by someone who seems really passionate and involved with the local scene. 

I had a lot of fun dancing (which is my primary motivation for clubbing) and hanging around with my friends (something that can be done without clubbing, so doesn't count as a motive for going clubbing specifically.) The only bad bit was me accidentally knocking someone's drink out of their hands while dancing. I'm definitely planning on going to Alternative X again. I really wish Raven had been able to go out with me that night, but he was working in the morning; hopefully he'll be able to go to the next one.