Confidence, Competitiveness and the Goth Community

Maybe it is just amongst twenty-something clubbers and bloggers, but I've noticed an air of competitiveness, especially about appearances and being 'Gothier than thou' - I know that in mainstream society women can get competitive and jealous over appearances, and that it is often linked to low self-esteem, but (and this was perhaps foolish of me) I thought the Goth subculture would lack this. I don't think it is a judgemental and external competitiveness -I don't see Goths belittling each other over their fashion and appearance very often- I think it's a personal desire amongst certain Goths to be the prettiest, most 'gothiest' Goth in the room/club/blogosphere, to always be seen in their best, most flamboyant outfits, and to be seen as never missing a music reference or subcultural reference.

I know all of us want to give a good impression to others, and even I fall into the trap of wanting to have a flawless public image on this blog sometimes, but it can get too much. If it starts impacting your confidence to the point where you think that you are somehow lesser than the rest of your Goth community, then it is time to take stock. And sometimes, yes, I do think that I ought to have memorised more of Bauhaus' discography or read more vampire books, and sulk when my friends can afford Iron Fist shoes and Lolita clothes from Japan (and be petite enough to fit in them) and I criticise myself for my makeup not being neat enough, my hair not being wild enough, not owning enough dramatic garments and not being able to afford everything I like.

We don't need to do this; we can relax. We are all human, none of us are perfectly Goth ALL of the time, we all make mistakes, have fashion off-days, forget the lyrics to songs, get band-members mixed up, trip over our own feet once in a while and have days when our hair just decides to be a frizzy mess however much we try. There is no point in pretending that we are beautiful vampiric creatures perpetually elegant and perpetually clam, and always socially gracious. 

The Housecat, dressed down.

Phone-cam selfie.

Here is a no-makeup, scruffy photo of me in my casual clothes. This is how I look a lot of the time when I am not going out for any reason, or if I am going out, am going out to do something where practicality is the key. I am wearing a cheap black tank top (from Tesco of all places), a pair of Raven's combats and a webbing belt, with my pentagram necklace and a silver .308 round for hunting werewolves (non-functional, obviously). My nail-polish is chipped, my face is blotchy from hay-fever and my hair just has two sets of tails at the front and a clip at the back. Nothing fancy at all.

Selfie, phone-cam.

Here are some photos of me dressed up in a Lolita-esque skirt by Banned (bought online at Kate's Clothing) with a ruffled blouse that was bought for me as a midwinter present by Raven, and a lovely thrifted lace shrug that was originally from Tesco! (Yes, really!). I have done my makeup, I am wearing lace gloves, which I can't remember if they are from Accessorise or Claire's Accessories (yes, I occasionally shop there...), but they were from the Eastgate mall in Inverness, anyway. Hair in the same style as for the first photograph. I am wearing makeup, I have brushed and straightened my hair, and am generally a lot more dressed up (and a lot more traditionally 'feminine' looking).

Selfie, phone-cam.

There is exactly the same person under both sets of clothes. I might look a bit more butch in the first photograph, a bit tougher, perhaps more into Industrial music than I am. I also don't look like I've put much effort into my appearance, with a "keep my hair out of my eyes" do and no make-up.  In the second photograph I look a lot more "put-together" with much fancier, more impractical clothes; perhaps I look like am more "ladylike" (such a nebulous term...), gentler, sweeter, and more Romantic and more 'Goth'. In reality, I am always the same person, I do not construct a new persona for each outfit (although I must admit I feel tougher in practical clothes because it's simply easier to be practical and athletic if you don't keep catching your ruffles on things) and I know just as little about Industrial music and love just as much Dead Can Dance and Cocteau Twins in both outfits, I am just as artistic and creatively inclined and like elaborate aesthetics just as much. 

Selfie, phone-cam.

I also don't somehow stop being Goth because I'm going for a walk in the woods or am staying indoors to do chores and therefore have no need to raid my wardrobe for my fanciest things. Yes, sometimes I do get all dressed up for nothing more than going to the store, or even bimbling around at home, but other times practicality trumps, and other times I am just having a lazy, relaxed day where such extravagances would be too frumpy. Nobody should feel like they somehow loose Goth credibility for not wearing the most 'uber-Goth' outfits ALL the time, or for that matter, for not listening to Goth music all the time, for not reading ONLY vampire books etc. etc. 

I know I am not the first blogger to write about these things. The Lady of the Manners addressed this issue in the second half of ::this:: article, which I think is definitely worth reading. Amy at Stripy Tights and Dark Delights wrote two posts that are related to this topic: ::"So You're Not Gothic Anymore?":: which deals with people who make assumptions when people are having less fancy days, and this  ::Pretty vs. Practical":: which shows two sides of Amy's wardrobe.