Spirit Day 2013

It's that time of the year again - no, not Halloween (that's not for another 12 days!), but Spirit Day.

Spirit Day was started in 2010 by a Canadian teenager, Brittany McMillan, in response a spate of suicides related to people being bullied over being LGBTQ. Spirit Day is a day to show solidarity, by wearing purple, with people who are bullied, especially those who are bullied for being, or being assumed to be, LGBTQ. For those who don't know what LGBTQ stand for, it means 'Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Queer' and encompasses a variety of sexual orientations and gender identities and expressions. 

Of course, bullying anyone for ANY reason is wrong in so many, many ways. As I said last year at ::this post::, as a teenager I was bullied, and one of the things the other girls picked up on to bully me over was their assumption of me being a lesbian because I did not adhere to traditional 'teenage girl' behaviour (and still don't!). This had a negative impact on my own discovery of my sexual orientation. As such, Spirit Day is certainly a cause that is close to my heart. 

As I did last year, I will not preach about the evils of bullying - that's like pointing out that wars are violent or that murder is bad; it is pretty much stating something that should be obvious to anyone with any morality. 

Do your best to help those who are hurting, listen to them, give them a safe space to vent and release. Stand up against those who use hurtful words, point out that it is wrong and unacceptable to bully people and make assumptions.  Look out for people in your life who might be suffering and be there for them. 

if you yourself are bullied, first of all find someone to talk to, someone who will listen. I know, both from experience and from countless personal accounts that educational establishments often don't do enough. I also know that some parents are hardly sympathetic, especially when it comes to their children being LGBTQ. Remember that your parents and school staff aren't the only people in the world - talk to a friend, a relative, or even an internet friend. When it comes to looking for help on the internet, I do stress being careful on the internet, as there are people who take advantage, and sadly I have to note that the proliferation of internet attention seekers crying wolf does mean that more public pleas for help and rants/venting are often met with derision, suspicion and a lack of sympathy. Don't keep it to yourself, that only makes it worse. Do try and sort things via the proper channels, and do try and explain to your parents if at all possible. In the UK there are advice and listening telephone numbers, with people at the other end to help. 

If you are in immediate physical danger, defend yourself (within the law, obviously). 

Purple is my favourite colour, so it isn't too hard for me to find something purple in my almost all-black wardrobe. I suggest you do something, even if it's just some purple ribbon, or a purple tie, just do something to show your solidarity. 

Links

::Spirit Day at GLAAD:: - the official website for Spirit Day.

::Samaritans::, for the despairing and suicidal - they have a letter, telephone and e-mail service.

::ChildLine:: helpline for children facing a variety of issues, including bullying. 

::Lesbian & Gay Switchboard:: UK advice for LGBT people.

Feminism and Anti-Trans Sentiment

After a certain rant published in the Observer, there has been a flare-up of what is seen to be an animosity between transwomen and feminists (as if these two groups can be lumped into two monolithic rivals...), stemming from outright transphobic sentiment from feminists. I'd like to start with saying that I see people as individuals, and judging them on gender expression is pretty much never going to be something that I do. I judge people on whether or not they are nice to others, and that's about it. 

Feminism was supposed to be about creating a world in which men and women were truly equal, and while there have certainly been an improvement in many societies, the world is still not an equal place, not even in countries where women are legally equals, and therefore our battles are not done. Part of what feminism has fought for is seeing women as people, and not pigeonholing them by their genitals, so it seems exceedingly hypocritical when people who call themselves feminists go around pigeonholing others according to their genitals. 

To the feminists who are quite a way outside stereotypical gendered behaviour:

On this blog I often write about stereotypically "feminine" things like dresses and makeup, fashion, etc. These are only some of my interests, and a lot more of my interests are things that are traditionally "masculine", and I know very well what it is like to be mocked, bullied, and ostracised by other women for not being girly enough, and treated badly by men for the same 'reason', and I know what it's like to have abuse hurled at me in the street for not presenting as "feminine" enough for the standards of lowlife drunks. 

{It was only a few days ago that I had "Oi! Mosher! F**k off you lesbo dyke, f**k off out of town, we don't want your kind, you aren't even f**king FEMALE" shouted at me by a gang of yobs in the town centre because I happen to prefer combat trousers, army boots, a trench-coat and a short hair-style to the short skirts, high heels, and long blonde-hair worn by many party-goers that January Friday night. I was also still listening when the same yobs shouted lewd sexual comments at the girls in heels and short skirts...}

I know that it hurts when you're on the receiving end of the prejudice against those who do not conform to gender stereotypes, but the existence of transgender people does not somehow confirm these insults to be right, and it is not another attempt to say that you, as a non-stereotypical woman, ought to go become a man, because women aren't supposed to be like that. It is the way some others want to lives, and it is not an attack against yours. 

To feminists in general:

If someone born in a biologically male-sexed body has surgery or uses other means to alter that body into one with female appearance, and live life as a woman, then they are going to receive a lot of the nasty inequalities aimed at women, as well as the prejudices that exist against transgender people. I can see why they'd want to join in with the feminist cause. Actually, I can see why any logical thinking person would want join in with the feminist cause; because anyone with any shred of empathy would realise that a world in which half the population are treated differently and as inferior to the other half is wrong. On a lot of feminist issues, whether someone is cis-gendered or trans-gendered should only really matter to their doctors and has no impact on the debate. Yes, there are certain health issues that can only affect cis-gendered women, and that things like reproductive rights issues are going to be particularly important to women who can get pregnant, but to outcast transgendered women from feminism because of this is equal to saying that cis-gendered women who have had hysterectomies, or are sterile, or whatever, cannot partake in feminism. 

Spend less time arguing about who does and does not get to be a feminist, and spend more time making the world a fairer place. Being mean to somebody else is not doing anything helpful to make others not be mean to you; this is playground stuff, I shouldn't have to explain it outside of work.

Oh, and never, ever get into the whole 'suffering Olympics' of trying to rank each other's woes and out-woe each other. Everyone's experiences are unique, and the amount of negativity they will get for being a certain minority will vary due to various factors. Really, this sort of behaviour is just pointless attempts at point-scoring. 

Wintery Work Wear

This is the most Gothic I have so far been at work...

Ok, I don't really like doing outfit posts, but I'm too sick to do anything that requires much more thinking and effort. I'm not a fashion blogger, and I'd rather write about architecture, or music, or books than clothes, but this sort of post is fairly easy to put together, doesn't require research and fact-checking (I just don't have the concentration for that, today), and doesn't require me to stand outside in late November in Scotland taking pictures of buildings when I've got the 'flu. I am also bored out of my skull because most of the stuff I'd rather do right now is either impractical or in one way or another too strenuous. I'm supposed to be recuperating! I got into work yesterday, and was fine, tried to go back into work today, got about an hour into it, and got sent home sick again. I am not amused! I would much rather be at work. As you can see, I get really whiny when sick because I hate not doing anything!

Anyway, without too much further ado, an outfit post. This is what I wore into work this morning, well from the chest up (the rest of me is in bed; I took these on my laptop, hence the lack of quality.). As you can see, my outfits are getting a tad more alternative in terms of Gothic, anachronistic and Neo-Victorian influences. It is now common knowledge that I am Goth amongst the rest of the staff at work, and they don't seem particularly bothered. I actually have had some rather interesting conversations with one colleague about '80s Goth, Post-Punk, Darkwave, etc. because it turns out we share some tastes in music. I get light-hearted ribbing, but nothing malicious. 

Today's outfit, well at least the top section.

All that said, I don't want to dress Goth for work, and I still want to be work-appropriate in my outfit choices. I am also trying to think outside of only practicality in terms of my dress at work, because now it is cold I tend to be wearing black office trousers, lots of socks, blouses and vests hidden under thick jumpers, and as part of my job is outside, often hiking boots (mostly because of the grass, leaves, mud, etc. and slippery slopes) and then other shoes for indoors - this is warm and toasty and practical, but it is also a very bland look. My coworkers are turning up in skirts and dresses and I'm feeling a little left out, so I'm trialling wearing layers rather than thick jumpers, and skirts (with layers underneath) rather than always trousers. 

If I am going to wear skirts to work, I will need to buy a few more work-appropriate ones; I have a Marks & Spencer's velvet pencil skirt (bought cheap in a charity shop) that goes well with this jacket, and a relatively plain black A-line skirt with a gathered section at the bottom, but I think it might be a tad too fancy for work, and then the rest of my skirts are far too fancy for work. I felt the suit-type outfits I was wearing initially were more suited to an office than a school, and were overly formal, but I tend to err towards formality at the best of times. 

I'd like to smile, but my lips are too sore.

This outfit is all from mainstream stores (originally; I tend to shop in charity shops or from e-Bay). The blouse was bought for £1.99 in a charity shop (bargain!) and is actually quite detailed and frilly, almost to a Lolita-esque extent (I'm actually thinking of wearing it in some Aristo outfits), so I've hidden some of the fanciness under a tie-neck jumper with white scrolling, almost foliate embroidery, which  is originally from Marks & Spencer and which I bought on eBay at 99p! (Definite bargain!). The velvet jacket is Laura Ashley, and was gifted to me by Raven's mother (who is a very stylish lady indeed.) and I love the sleeves on it, and the gathers and puff at the shoulders. I have a lot of garments that have huge Gothic potential that were originally either Marks & Spencer or Laura Ashley, and I think from Autumn/Winter collections. I think I would buy a few new things from them if I had that sort of money, but for now I will glee over my second-hand bargains.

If I can't have a different expression, I'll at least have a different angle.

I'm not wearing any make-up in these pictures because a) I tend to wear very little makeup to work anyway; I feel too much makeup looks unprofessional and b) because of the skin infection, especially around my lips (I think even in these washed-out pictures some of the redness around my mouth is visible, and it is clear my lips are a bit swollen, and this is after considerable healing.) I'm quite glad that these pictures are grainy and washed-out because it hides the fact that I'm dead pale with a red nose, horrible skin, peeling on my lips and a runny nose. Hurrah for terrible onboard cameras! 

As you can see, I have dyed my hair black; this was a bad idea as I spent a week with a really itchy scalp, sore eyes, blisters on my ears and neck, and generally came to the conclusion that I am STILL allergic to black hair-dye, and that this is never going to change. I guess I will either have to suffer, or revert back to plum and burgundy, which don't seem to have much of an effect on me. That said, I still think I look best with black hair, and I do have some nice wigs. 

That's all from me being a prim and proper schoolmarm! Have a nice day, everyone, and I hope you are all feeling better than me.  

Spirit Day 2012

Today is Spirit Day. Spirit Day started off as a Canadian phenomenon, but has since gone global, in no small part due to internet users, and is a day of standing in solidarity with LGBTQ youth and in solidarity against bullies. To take part in Spirit Day, show your support by wearing purple.   

Of course, bullying is not a one-day-a-year occurrence but to some a near-daily blight on their lives. I'm not going to preach about how bullying people is wrong, or about how there is nothing wrong with being lesbian, gay, bisexual or being outside of the traditional gender binary, because these things should be pretty obvious to anyone.

What I will say is to do your best to help those who are hurting, and if you yourself are bullied, find someone to talk to, someone who will listen - I know that educational establishments often don't do enough, and that some parents are hardly sympathetic, but these aren't the only people in the world - talk to a friend, a relative, an internet friend (although I do stress being careful on the internet, and sadly note that the proliferation of internet attention seekers crying wolf does mean that more public pleas for help and rants/venting are often met with derision), somebody - don't keep it to yourself, that only makes it worse. Do try and seek justice and help via the proper channels, and do try and explain to your parents if at all possible. In the UK there are advice and listening telephone numbers, with people at the other end to help. 

Bullying doesn't mean that that the bullied person is a bad person; it means that the bullies are bad people.

Spirit Day was founded in response to teen suicides related to bullying, and that's one thing this world doesn't need any more of. 

As a teenager, other girls made assumptions about my sexuality due to my lack of adherence to gender roles, they called me a dyke, a lesbian, and plenty of things too rude to type here, they spread malicious rumours and generally used the assumption that I was a lesbian as another difference to make fun off (as if being a gangly, academically successful (to the point of having skipped a year at school), alternative girl with braces wasn't enough. What made it worse was at the time, I actually did have a huge crush on a girl at the time, and had not yet had a crush on anybody male, which  were things I was too afraid to acknowledge, because the use of "gay", "dyke", and "lesbo" as insults made it seem like those were bad things to be, that there was something wrong with me, that worst of all, the bullies were right. It took me a while to openly acknowledge that I was bisexual. 

I'm now in a long-term (hopefully permanent) relationship with a man, so in terms of societal acceptance I seem superficially to be heteronormatively acceptable, but that doesn't mean that I agree with the way that certain members of society treat LGBTQ people, or that I don't understand what it's like to be a young person questioning and learning about their own sexuality in the face of the prejudices of others. 

As such, my heart goes out to all that suffer due to the prejudices of others, and remember - you are not alone, and you are not a bad, broken, or evil person for being LGBTQ - those who bully, on the other hand... 

Links

::Spirit Day at GLAAD:: - the official website for Spirit Day.

::Samaritans::, for the despairing and suicidal - they have a letter, telephone and e-mail service.

::ChildLine:: helpline for children facing a variety of issues, including bullying. 

::Lesbian & Gay Switchboard:: UK advice for LGBT people.