Goths, Depression and Assumptions

It is often assumed that Goths are always depressed, or if not actually depressed, putting on a pretentious dour attitude, but this is rarely (but not never) the case. In this post I want to explore these two different assumptions, give my view of what the reality is, and ponder why these assumptions come about.

This was inspired by a comment in February by Juliana Matiushenok, who asked me quite a few questions (which I answered directly in the comments section - all my readers should feel free to ask me questions and see my contact page for how). It got me thinking on the myths surrounding Goth and depression.

Firstly, they are actually different assumptions, and I think they come from different logic. There is a vast gulf between actually being depressed and merely appearing depressed through melancholy melodrama, and conflating them probably doesn't reflect the logic of the assumptions, and secondly could potentially add to the stigmas already surrounding mental health (for example that saying your stressed or depressed is a way of garnering attention, or 'wussing' out rather than a clinical diagnosis of anything being wrong). 

The first assumptions is that Goths are depressed people, and that our music and fashion choices are perhaps an expression of that inner turmoil or even some kind of vicious cycle in which we become Goth as a reaction to negative emotions, but then surround ourselves in negative imagery and make it all worse. While perhaps some people do wear dark imagery as expression of inner sadness, I think that most depressed people don't (although they may perhaps  do the opposite and deliberately wear bright "happy" looking clothes to try and mask it,  and in severe cases some people start neglecting personal grooming and care) and that most Goths are not depressed.

There are, of course, Goths who are depressed, but I have never met a Goth that has seriously joined the subculture as a response to being depressed.

I have met Goths who have joined the subculture as a reaction and rebellion against circumstances that they have found depressing, but Goth in these cases was being used as a visual way of appearing the antithesis of their very conservative upbringings, not as an outward symbol of depression.

Goths, in general, do not shy away from dark things, and I think that within the subculture there is no taboo against talking about painful emotions, unhappiness and misery - in fact, these things are often seen as creative fuel to be worked through, or at least expressed through, art, poetry and music. It may be that Goths are therefore safe company to those who are experiencing these emotions, people more likely to listen than be judgemental and consider them insane, a drag, or no longer nice to be around for talking about their pain. I am not saying, of course, that all Goths are good listeners, or non-judgemental - no generalisation like that could be accurate - but that a subculture where exploring the darkness is encourage is likely to be tolerant of people experience personal darkness first-hand.

Goths are made up from a broad cross-section of society, and in that will include a number of people with various mental health issues, so statistically there has to be a few Goths for whom there is no link between mental health issues and joining the subculture (perhaps the onset of any mental health issues came long after joining the subculture, for example).

Goths are generally on the fringes of youth culture at schools, colleges and universities. Quite often they are the victims of bullying, sometimes on the basis of them being Goth, but quite often the 'Goth crowd' become a refuge for all sorts of eccentrics and misfits who seek the company of others on the outside. Some of these people never become Goths themselves, only associate with Goths, others join the subculture through exposure to it through these new friends. Being an outsider, whether through bullying, experiencing a condition such as Asperger's which can make socialising quite difficult, or simply through having virtually nothing in common with your peers can be quite a lonely experience bringing about low moods and even depression.

I don't think being Goth has a negative effect on Goths - I don't think that the morbid imagery and somber music actually make most depressed Goths more depressed, I would actually say that in my experience, and in the experiences of those I have talked to, Goth has actually provided a relief. There is the support of a friendship network within the community, the subculture can also exist as a section of life away from factors that make things worse (an escape), the music often has a cathartic effect and for many it is powerful to hear others in music, or through art or literature express and explore their pain because it is proof that they are not alone in their experiences (or, often, in their response to those experiences) and, as I mentioned earlier, Goths often encourage each other to use creativity as a way to cope with painful things. I certainly remember being encouraged to write poetry, letters-never-to-be-sent and songs as ways of expressing negative feelings and getting them out of my head, even if I wasn't comfortable with sharing them directly.

At the core, Goth is a set of musical, aesthetic and conceptual preferences; it is liking the dark, the morbid, the frightening, and seeing beauty in it - from the lyrics of Siouxsie Sioux songs where she sings about serial killers (Night Shift) and twisted obsessions (Head Cut; involves decapitation fantasies),  to having a fascination with death or the undead (vampires, zombies, etc.) - if we found these things frightening, but not in the scintillating way of a horror movie that is a controlled and exciting sort of fear, but in a genuine terror, or if we found them depressing, or if they made us unhappy in any other way, then we wouldn't take part in them. We are not wallowing in our misery, consuming music and other creative endeavours that make us more depressed, or deliberately joining a subculture of depression - we actually enjoy the music and art and fashion; they produce a positive response in us. I think this is the part that non-Goths find hardest to believe, that things that would produce a negative response in them produce the exact opposite in us, but that is the way things are. We are the people who go "Oooo! Cool!" where others go "Ack! Eek!".

The other assumption is that Goths put on a deliberately dour and pseudo-depressed attitude, as a way of garnering attention, upsetting their parents, and possibly fitting in with other Goths.

Sadly, I have seen this happen, and I think it happens in the Emo subculture too, and I have come across an angry/violent rather than depressed variant of this within the Metal subculture. It is normally among younger teens trying to on one hand rebel and on the other, impress the other rebels, and who are woefully wrong about how to do both (and not too wise in wanting to do either, but at that age I think it is often understandable). This, of course, is not an accurate representation of the majority of the subculture (many of whom are MUCH older!), or even a good representation of teen Goths, but it does happen, and because these youngsters are often actively seeking attention (sometimes taking drastic measures) these are the Goths who end up noticed most, giving a skewed picture.

My advice to Babybats - do not needlessly worry your parents and those who care about you with feigned depression (especially not going as far as self-harming for attention, or as faked 'proof' of the sincerity of the supposed depression) as a way to garner sympathy or even as a form of emotional blackmail. There are better ways to get attention (such as taking up a performance art where you can literally be centre stage) and better ways of getting what you want (such as striking a bargain like "If I get all As in my tests at the end of term, can I dye my hair black?"). There are negative repercussions for genuinely depressed people; my genuine mental health issues were dismissed on several occasions (by adults who should have known better, as well as my peers) as attention-seeking as a teenager, and I think that being a female teenager and a Goth had a lot to do with that.

Also, being pretentiously "more woeful than thou" does not impress other Goths - I have never met a Goth that esteems others higher based on how much they are suffering or how deep their misery. Yes, we tend to value art that is based on genuine emotion over that which is capitalising on negative experiences as a marketing ploy or as part of a trend (see ::this:: post!), but in trying desperately to convince other Goths of your true suffering and that you are the darkest soul to have ever unlived, then your not much better than the bands singing about suicide and misery when neither suicidal nor miserable, and doing so in poor pastiche.

My advice to the genuinely depressed: seek help, talk to others, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional if necessary; do not suffer in silence. Art, music and poetry can really offer a means of venting and a form of catharsis; they certainly worked for me. Often depression occurs as a result of too many negative circumstances at once (bereavement, loneliness, debt and poverty, bullying, a lack of acceptance, dysfunctional family dynamics, etc. etc.) and they can seem overwhelming as a whole, but there is often a solution, even if it is one that can only be worked on slowly and in small sections. There are also those who suffer persistent low mood as a result of a chemical imbalance in the brain rather than as a result of difficult circumstances, and medication can help with that. Exercise is a surprisingly effective way of feeling better.

The Synthetic Aesthetic & Hypocrisy

Recently, Amy of ::Stripy Tights and Dark Delights:: wrote ::this:: post on Goths that denigrate people of a certain popular aesthetic (Essex Girl in the UK, Jersey Shore to an American, I would guess that a lot of places have their equivalent) for being "fake" because of the fake tan, fake eyelashes, bleached hair, fake nails, hair extensions, heavy makeup, bust augmentations, etc. etc. I am probably repeating what she said here, but it is an important message, so I feel like reiterating it in my own words on this blog 

A lot of Goths and other Alternative types are just as "fake". I certainly go around with a corseted waist, a wig, fake eyelashes, heavy makeup, a pallor that is partly nature and partly makeup (more to even it out than make me paler), high heels, piercings etc. My waist is not naturally that thin, my hair is is not actually red (not even by dye), my eyelashes are pretty long, but they don't come with feathers, and I got all those jewellery-attachment-points through having someone poke holes through me! I go to great lengths to achieve a particular aesthetic, and that is all that these 'Essex Girls' are doing. There are people who have had far more extensive body mods than me; more piercings, elaborate tattoos, and even fangs, pointed ears and horns, all in search of a particular aesthetic. This is certainly a synthetic aesthetic, one that is created through artistry overlaid on nature. 

Usually someone comes in with the justification of something akin to 'oh, but they are following a trend, to them it's about fitting in and appealing to men and getting attention, they must be really insecure! We do it in the pursuit of our own personal aesthetic!' 

Who are we to judge? 

Unless you know someone well enough to have good estimation of their real motivations, you have no business judging someone. It is the same sort of prejudicial assumption as when mainstream people assume that we dress and look the way we do for attention or to rebel against our parents or to opt out of decent society. Considering the time and money and effort spent on a lot of these women's looks, I would say that there has to be a significant proportion who really are chasing their dream aesthetic. Yes, there certainly are those who follow that aesthetic to be trendy, to get attention, to impress men, because they are insecure with who they are under the fakery, etc. but there are also people who co-opt the Goth aesthetic in order to get attention, to impress men, to be rebellious, to try and shock people, because they are insecure with who they are under the fakery, etc. It is unfair to judge a group by the action of individuals who are not necessarily representative. It is easier to distinguish a Goth from someone co-opting the aesthetic, because there is some broader definition of Goth, but the 'Essex Girl' aesthetic is just an aesthetic (the party animal lifestyle, drinking, etc. are not inherent; plenty of people who don't follow this look behave like that, and not all who follow this look behave like that); there is no co-opting it away from a broader subculture. 

Basically, this is an encouragement not to judge; instead take people on their individual merit, on their own actions and behaviour. How somebody looks is not necessarily and indicator of what they are like, as we should all well know. A dose of humility and an open mind are good things to have. 

Tea And Coffee

Caffeinated HouseCat

☕ You only ~have~ to drink tea & coffee if you actually like them. ☕

I've noticed a trend of people drinking tea to seem more Lolita or more like Emilie Autumn or even more Goth. Sometimes they video themselves drinking tea really awkwardly. It seems strange and sort of pretentious behaviour. They are clearly trying really hard to look like they are enjoying their tea and their tea-party, and while they might be enjoying the rest of the tea-party, they are trying very hard not to grimace at the actual tea. 

(An aside: I know that tea is an everyday beverage in the UK, and that there are places where tea being made with hot water, a tea-bag and possibly milk and sugar is something of a rarity, but it is a very simple process, and should be quite hard to get wrong.) 

Anyway, this is not about getting making tea wrong, this is about people trying too hard to be quaintly British-esque in search of being more subcultural. I am inherently quaintly British so have never had that as something I wish to become, and can't exactly see the reason why people so desire to be like this. The only motivation I can see is an idealisation of Victorian society and a belief that all Victorian people did is sit around on sunny afternoons drinking tea, playing croquet and, if female, doing embroidery. Victorian life was not actually like that. 

Maybe it is a reaction to the culture of youth binge-drinking, with drinking tea being a stereotypically "civilised" thing to do, and I quite agree that afternoon tea is far superior to evening drunkenness, but there are plenty of soft drinks that are not tea to drink if you dislike tea. There are exceedingly elegant and refined tea meals and ceremonies, and yes the 1840's Afternoon Tea, earlier 18thC tea and of course various Tea Ceremonies from the Orient are all elegant and refined occasions, but that requires more than simply the act of consuming tea from pretty containers or of eating cake off a tiered stand. And engaging in any of the above activities for the purpose of becoming 'more Lolita' or 'more Goth' is silly and a bit appropriative. 

Not drinking tea does not make one any less goth, in the same way that drinking tea does not make one any more goth. I'm not sure why this has become a hugely 'Goth' thing to do, any more than why drinking coffee black was a hugely 'Goth' thing to do when I was a teenage babybat. 

☕ "Give me coffee, black, black as my soul!" ☕

I happen to rather like coffee, but I have a caffeine intolerance and get a little too wired if I have anything other than decaff, and I like lattes. This does not make me less Goth. I also like frappuccinos. Most of all, I like rose milkshakes with real vanilla ice-cream, whipped cream on top, served in a tall glass with a straw and marshmallows. Hideously pink, calorific, and decidedly fabulous. Aesthetically one would look fitting in the hands of a Sweet Lolita, but food should not be about what it looks like, or which culture it is from, but about the taste. Really, only drink or eat things because you like them. This does not just apply to tea and coffee, but to sushi and other Japanese food, absinthe, red wine, snakebite & black or anything else that is edible and related to a subculture. 

Be yourself. Eat and drink what you enjoy (in healthy moderation, of course).