Hair Adventures 1: A Paean To Green Hair

My hair was green for over 3 years, and now it's blue. I wish it was green again.

I tried to give myself pine green hair with a violet fringe and it went wrong... Well, it went fairly well until I washed it and now I have aqua blue hair with a royal blue fringe... I've had blue hair before, and I didn't mind it then, but this time around I just don't like it. I want my green hair back, and I've tried washing out the blue, but it just fades to lighter blue, and I'm scared to try stripping out in case I fry my hair. I'm just going to let it fade to a really light blue, then try and cover it over with a rather yellow green, and hope that the two together make the sort of mid-green that I love. In the meanwhile, I'm making this retrospective of pictures from when my hair was bright green and I loved it.

Here is my hair dyed with Directions Alpine Green - the colour my hair is currently meant to be! The last time I used it, it stayed very much like this, and I wonder what caused it to be so unstable this time - perhaps it's because I mixed in Crazy Colour Pine Green, perhaps its because I mixed in conditioner to try and repair my bleach-frazzled, hair... I don't really know. My last employers let me have green hair as long as it wasn't too vivid, so I dyed it this colour.

Spiky collar and short pine-green hair.  Selfies.

Below is another picture from early 2014, when my hair was short and green - although in this blueish lighted picture and with some fading, it looks a little more turquoise. This was around the start of me dyeing my hair green, and it's a colour I feel really suited me, hence why I have stuck with it for so long. 

Short dark emerald green hair, and a party outfit. Selfies.

As my hair started to grow longer, I started experimenting with more greens. For work I needed to keep it in darker greens and one colour, but for Hallowe'en 2014 I dyed it in this gradient effect. After the celebrations were over I dyed it all the darkest green of the very tips. 

Green ombre hair. Selfies.

Here is one from 2015, taken in my old apartment (I miss the pale purple walls in the hall-way). This particular shade of green ended up being "my colour" and I have gone back to it time and time again, even including it when I've had multicolour hair. I think this was summer time, hence the bright colour. I used to work at a school, so during summer I wasn't at work and could have my hair bright colours.

The start of the emerald green hair. Selfies. 

Even when I have dyed my hair in multicolour, 'mermaid' effects, I've always retained green as one of the main colours - on the top layer so it is the one that people can see most vividly. I don't mind having blues and purples in my hair - and I definitely liked it when all my hair was purple - but green has really become my favourite colour for my hair.

My first attempt at multicolour 'mermaid' style hair. Selfies.

This next one was from last summer. The weather was warm enough to warrant me wearing a white shirt instead of my usual all-black-everything, and my hair still had blue tips from when it was multi-colour. Blue is a fun accent colour, but I just don't really like my whole hair being blue. 

Summertime Gothic. Selfies.

Last autumn I pretty much settled into dyeing it the green that I want to stick with in the long run. I'd got into a routine with the Directions Apple Green, and it was looking very bright. I had fun doing matching makeup for it, including this angular look with iridescent green lip gloss over black lipstick. 

Bright green hair and matching makeup. Selfies

The photos below aren't selfies, they're a selection from the set that Raven took for me in January. The colour had faded out a little from washing, but was still quite bright. I wore a purple and black jacket with my green hair... as you can probably tell, my fondness for this colour pairing was building. 

Green hair in January. Photos by Raven. 

These pictures are from the same day - but are ones I took to focus on the make-up I did - green and purple like my outfit and hair. I rather liked this dramatic effect, and it is something I would like to repeat in future. 

Make-up for January photoshoot. Selfies.

This make-up made me feel like a fae-creature of some sort, and the green hair really does help with that kind of aesthetic. I filled my eyebrows in green and painted my lips to match. This is actually pretty recent - I think I did this make-up in March or April. There are a lot of good green make-up products available, so it's quite easy to find ways of co-ordinating green make-up for green hair. 

Green hair and green make-up.

I have had a lot of fun doing interesting make-up for my long green hair. I let it grow quite long - not as long as it was in my teens (I had it nearly waist-length once). The ends were getting a bit frazzled after repeated bleaching over the years, which means that I have since had it trimmed by about 5 or 6 inches. This purple make-up wasn't my neatest (the eyebrows came out a little uneven), but it was another pairing of purple and green. 

Green and purple once again in combination. Selfies.

This next make-up look was inspired by the idea of an 'evil dryad'. The great thing about unnatural green hair - not even leafy, or grassy green hair, but bright, vivid, artificial, green - is that it's good for looks that are based off distorted nature, because they're a nature colour, green, but not in a natural variation - well, unless it's in mineral form; malachite and emerald.  

Green hair and dark make-up. Selfies.

And this windswept picture (in which my new pointed fringe looks rather fluffy!) illustrates the colours my hair was meant to be - a violet fringe and an emerald-to-pine green for the rest of it... if only it had stayed these colours! Green and purple are my favourite colour combination, and this was the hair that my recently lace-on bat-wings were supposed to match.  

Green hair and purple fringe. Selfies.

I'm a little annoyed that the above colour combination was so shortly lived. I will try and somehow remedy the situation, but I am not sure how successful I will be. It really didn't work out as intended - even if the immediate results seemed successful. I think that perhaps at some point in the next two years, as it will be likely that I will need to have a more natural colour after I graduate in order to appease the professional job market, but now my green hair is (hopefully, only temporarily...) gone, I know that when that time comes, I will really miss it.

One thing I can say is that the pointy fringe turned out pretty well. It has faded blue, but it has a good shape. The picture above doesn't do it justice because I was literally holding it down against the wind. It was a rather bright but rather windy day when I took those, and you can see the trim on my sleeves! I have some more selfies of the new hair with the fringe better visible, but they're all decidedly blue!

The next instalment of my hair adventures is about my new hair... Don't get me wrong, it's not terrible hair, and my friend Melody who cut it did an excellent job, it's just that it's blue (which I dyed myself) and I just don't feel right with blue hair this time around, plus it is not what I had intended. However, I am trying to make the most of my blue hair. 

The Ethics Of Goth Clothes

I have been stalling writing this blog post... It's one of those topics that is very easy to sound preachy and self-righteous about, and I'm not wanting to dictate other people's shopping habits - rather, I would like to start a conversation (feel free to comment!), one that occurs about mainstream fashion, but which seems overlooked within Goth. 

Manufacture & Sweatshops

Quite a few mainstream 'fast-fashion' high-street brands have come under criticism for having garments made in sweatshops where working conditions are poor, workers have long shifts, health and safety is overlooked, wages are a pittance, and sometimes even children work. Investigative reporters and groups interested in sustainable and ethical have tracked back their supply chains, produced rankings and reports to check major companies, and some retailers have since moved production to different manufacturers after public scandals, but the issue of sweatshops remain. Imported clothes at impossibly low prices, for example, make me question where the customer saving comes from, and to where that cost has been shifted.

When it comes to Goth brands, especially the larger ones, the supply chain is pretty opaque to the average customer- we rarely even buy them from the brands themselves, but from resellers. These are often niche companies, ranging from very small businesses run by either one person or two or three, to small companies, to much larger companies making thousands of garments, maybe tens of thousands, but very few are anywhere near the scale of the big high-street retailers selling millions of garments each. They are not large enough companies to attract the attention of the groups monitoring sustainable and ethical production, and it's often very hard to find out if the companies just design and distribute the garments, or if they also produce them in their own factories rather than contract that out.  This makes it very difficult to know anything about the production and supply chain.

Some, like ::Holy Clothing:: (fantasy, Medieval-inspired and bohemian styles, usually available in black, dark purple and other colours that make them very Gothic - great place to get gowns!), make a point to say their clothes are 'Ethically Made' and even have a section on their website about their workers, and Dracula Clothing also seem to be treating their staff in their tailoring workshop in India well, and others like ::Alchemy Gothic:: are very proud of their production methods and tell you all about it if you look on their blog (part 1 of the process is ::here:: and you can find the rest of it on their site. Their jewellery is made in Leicester, England). There are also companies like ::MoonMaiden:: and ::Hysteria Machine:: that are very small operations, making their own garments and accessories.

I thoroughly endorse Alchemy Gothic's products, and I'm not being sponsored to say that or anything! I've been collecting their jewellery and homewares for several years now,  and am a very happy customer, and I think their jewellery designs are gorgeous! 

A lot of what Goths actually wear isn't sourced from Goth-specific brands - it's from mainstream retailers. These often ARE assessed in terms of sustainability and ethical production, and there's been quite a lot done to research exactly where our high-street fast-fashion comes from. With those, I strongly recommend looking up exactly what is made where. Personally, I now buy nearly nothing directly from fast-fashion mainstream retailers, although I will buy stuff manufactured by them from charity shops etc.; I don't want my money to support an unsustainable fashion industry, but also understand that clothes waste is a serious issue (which I will address later in this post), and so would rather buy second-hand clothes and put my money towards a good cause. 

Production & Pollution
There is also an issue that is part of all fashion - the manufacture of fabric, especially synthetic fabrics made from what are essentially plastics derived from the oil industry, and the dyeing process. The dyeing industry is notorious for water pollution issues, With fabrics derived from natural materials there is also the concern for the farming methods used - for example pesticide use on cotton grown on irrigated land and the leaching of pesticides back into the water system, especially as cotton is often a crop grown with high use of pesticides. Check out ::this article:: for an overview of the issues relating to specific fabrics. One piece of bad news for Goths is that one of our favourite materials - PVC - is a plastic with a particular issue when it comes to production.

It is important to look at what materials a garment is made from. Personally, I think this is a good reason to look towards either secondhand or recycled clothes as much as possible rather than towards brand new clothes made of brand new materials, thus not encouraging further excess production. Of course, that's not always practical, plus there'd be a pretty big negative economic impact if everyone suddenly stopped buying new clothes!

When making our own clothes, it also important to think about where we are sourcing our materials. Some fabrics and trims are made in factories that are just as much sweatshops as garment factories can be, sometimes even worse as the dyeing and synthetic fabric production processes use a lot of harsh and dangerous chemicals. There is also the issue of health and safety, especially in factories that use antiquated machinery and child labour. Conditions in some places aren't much better than the lethal cotton mills of Victorian England. It is unfortunately very, very difficult to find out the conditions in which our trims, buttons, lace and fabric were made, as we are usually at the end of a very indirect supply chain. It is certainly possible to reclaim materials from used garments and furnishings, but this isn't always practical, and good quality materials secondhand can be hard to come by - especially as another aspect of fast-fashion flooding the market is that cheap, substandard materials have become the norm, and therefore the secondhand market is full of things that are simply already too worn-out and damaged to be easily up-cycled. 

Carbon Footprint & Air Miles

There are two issues with clothes being manufactured a long way from where they are consumed - relying on imported goods and outsourcing cheap manufacturing overseas damages the domestic manufacturing industries, and shipping things half way across the globe is bad for the environment - those ships and planes pollute. Some companies, such as ::Cykxtees:: and Moon Maiden manufacture their clothes in the same country as their primary market (in the case of Cykxtees, that's the U.S.A, Moon Maiden the U.K.) but many have their primary sales markets in Europe or America, but have their clothes made in India, China, etc. While this is obviously economical in terms of cost of production, it does have an impact on the environment, and while it might beyond the scope of small companies to make much change in the economic forces that drive manufacturing to far away places, there is an issue with that, too - but the economic growth in many of those countries has in many cases spurred a huge increase in the local standards of living (and in other cases, contributed to local pollution to toxic levels!). It is a case where there is not always a clear and definitive ethical demarcation of whether it is "good" or "bad" - but I think it is something that needs to at least be thought about. 

Cheaper & Greener
I really recommend shopping secondhand for Goth clothes. It's how I get about ⅔ of my clothes, initially only out of budgetary concerns as I just can't afford most new clothes in the Romantic Goth, Gothic Aristocrat and Gothic Lolita styles that I like, but now also because I don't want to contribute financially to the encouragement of overproduction.

It takes a bit more time to look through charity shops and online to find what you want, but I think it is definitely a worthwhile endeavour; I've bought fancy buckled pointy boots for £1 and a heavy winter woollen coat that was probably £100 or more new for under £4. One thing I will note is to always check the cost of postage, and from how far away someone is selling. It requires patience, and knowing the nuances of how to shop secondhand; something that is outside the scope of this particular article, but there are plenty of guides out there, including ::this one:: I wrote.

Reuse, Recycle and Resell

There is also the issue of what to do with our clothes once we no longer have use for them, as well as how we get them in the first place.
If something no longer fits, alteration is also an option, especially if a garment is now too big. Things can also be made larger with the insertion of fabric panels, or where the seam allowance allows. If something is damaged, see if it can be mended before you throw it away.

Reselling clothes in good condition is certainly an option. There are many second-hand sales communities on the internet, as well as second-hand marketplace websites. You can often recoup a reasonable amount of money, especially for the more elaborate and unusual items, especially if you're in the right targeted group for a niche community. People will still buy fancy garments with minor damage if they're informed of it up front, as buttons can be changed, tears mended, etc. Permanent stains are often more of an issue, especially if they're obvious. There are also Goth swap-meets and bring-and-buy sales in person in some areas.

Donating old clothes to charity is also an option. Charities prefer clothes without tears, damage or stains, because they are selling them to a broader market, and most people outside of looking for a niche garment where there's less of an availability issue, will reject damaged clothes. Some charity shops can sell on damaged clothes by weight for material recycling, but this isn't possible with all fabrics and with all shops - some shops are actually charged for the disposal of clothes they can't sell.

There is also the option of reusing garments as something else. The staples of this in our subculture are long socks with the feet cut off and a thumb-hole made used as arm-warmers, and ripped tights being ripped up even more on purpose for a textured, layered look, especially in post-apocalyptic and ruination inspired fashions, Deathrock, and Trad-Goth. With more sewing skills things can be dismantled and the fabric, trims, etc. all reused. Plenty of my clothes are repurposed from the fabric of something else; a torn lace skirt turned into a 'butt-cape', a over-sized neck-tie turned into a headdress, an old jacket turned into a hood and cowl, etc. The internet is full of crafting ideas for reusing unwanted and damaged clothes. I have a stash of reclaimed fabric, trims and buttons.

Fast Fashion vs. Goth Fashion

For the most part, Goth is what I would call a style rather than a fashion - what is fashionable is often fleeting and transiently cool, whereas what is stylish remains stylish through time. There are plenty of Goths now that dress pretty much like Goths did 40 years ago, or 25 years ago, etc. and we often buy clothes, especially statement pieces, with the idea of them being an investment we're going to keep for a good few years. This, I think, is a lot more sustainable than what mainstream fashion seems to be like - ::this:: recent video by Huffington Post asserts that mainstream garments are now worn only an average of 5 times before they're thrown away, and retained for an average length of just over a month. (Which, with how long many of us hold on to clothes, must mean some people wear things once and throw them away straight off, for that to be an average!).

We hold on to our clothes longer, have less of a demand for new clothes, and are more likely to buy secondhand, or to make our own clothes, including up-cycled clothes, all positives, and it is good to acknowledge this is already an aspect of the fashion of our subculture and the attitudes within it. 

Carpe Nocturne Interview

I have been interviewed in the fall issue of Carpe Nocturne magazine. 

Feeling regal in the forest

::Carpe Nocturne:: magazine interviewed me electronically this summer for their fall 2016 edition of the magazine, as part of their Goth Fashion Around The World writings. It live far from the metropolis, previously living in Culloden and having moved since then, so I'm writing from both a rural perspective (primarily from the Highland scene, as that's what I've become part of), and from someone in Scotland (although I'm not Scottish; I'm 'Franglais' - if you hear me talk it's funny because I say all these Scottish words and phrases with this cut-glass English accent!). It was quite interesting to write about, because I hadn't really thought about if the fashion here is any different to anywhere else before. 

I haven't actually got my printed copy yet (it is being shipped from the US and I have an estimated delivery date in December), but I took part in two photo-shoots for my interview, with the image above being one of the results, so it's hopefully illustrated too. The other photo-shoot was in Steam-Goth attire, and that's going to get its own post later this month. You can find the magazine in print at Barnes & Noble ::here:: or digitally via Magzter ::here::. I'll probably write about this some more when I get my copy in the mail! 

As this was for a fashion interview, I should probably talk about what I'm wearing, so here's an outfit run-down:

♕ Circlet: hand-made, bought via Far Fetched, Inverness
♕ Small bat pendant: ::Vampyr:: by Alchemy Gothic, secondhand on eBay
♕ Large bat pendant: ::Gothic Bat:: by Alchemy Gothic, secondhand on eBay

♕ Bat brooch: A.R. Brown, secondhand on eBay
♕ Cropped jacket: Golden Steampunk, via ::Corsets UK:: (no longer available)♕ Ruffled shirt: Debbie Suchat, secondhand n eBay

♕ Lace gloves: Claire's Accessories

♕ Celtic belt buckle: ::Two Dragons:: by St. Justin, secondhand on eBay
♕ Long mesh cardigan: New Look, secondhand on eBay
♕ Skirt: Raven, secondhand on eBay

♕ Leggings: 'Macbeth' leggings by ::Punk Rave::

♕ Boots: no identifying label remaining, secondhand on eBay

I was aiming for a mixture of Nu-Goth and Romantic Goth in this outfit - the mesh jacket and boots are definitely Nu-Goth, but the jacket and shirt are both more Romantic, and the skirt is somewhere between Romantic in its use of satin and lace, but punkier in its cut and style, and the leggings are a wonderful modern-meets-Romantic design from ::Punk Rave::. I'm a big fan of their styles; they offer a fresh and unique take on Romantic Goth fashion, probably because of the influence of Japanese Goth and Visual Kei fashion on their designs. These leggings are a) the only leggings I own because I usually hate leggings and b) one of my favourite garments, despite how I usually hate leggings! - I love the lacing up at the front, the embroidered mesh panel and the (nearly impossible to photograph) paisley-esque pattern embossed into the pleather; they're gorgeous, they make my legs look longer, and I love them.

A lot of people bash Nu-Goth as a whole as just being a trend based off the Goth aesthetic, but as long as it isn't divorced from the Gothic subculture, I see nothing wrong with it. To begin with, I was one of the people quite skeptical, wondering if Nu-Goth was like how Mall-Goth was when I became Goth; tangental but related, with witch-house music like Ritualz, CHVRCHES and Zola Jesus being the new 'not Goth, but dark' music, taking the cultural place of H.I.M, Marilyn Manson and Evanescence had in introducing teens to the darker subcultures, but now that I've thought about it more, I realise that this isn't a bad thing, any more than Mall-Goth was (after all, I was a Mall-Goth when I was a baby-bat!) as while some of it involves disaffected teenagers trying to hard to be ~edgy and dark~, a lot of it is sincere, and gives the subculture some fresh blood and new influences to keep it alive. Also, a lot of Nu-Goth people are actually into the Goth subculture as a whole, not just the parts that are Nu-Goth.

I'm not going to turn Nu-Goth, even if I might like witch-house music; while I like some elements of Nu-Goth fashion, the overall aesthetic is just too minimal and modern for my tastes, but I'm not going to balk at incorporating elements of it that I do like, and I'm going to keep adding pieces from brands like Punk Rave that bridge the gap between the modern and the historically inspired.

Also, note how much of what I wear is secondhand; it's cheaper, there's no shame in it, and secondhand clothes from a variety of original sources means I have outfits that are quite unique compared to if I bought everything I own directly from what Goth brands are selling right now. A lot of my Goth clothes, although not in this specific outfit, are from the '90s and '00s, too - some are from the '80s, but sizes back then seem to run small and do not fit on this Goth of Amazonian proportions! Buying clothes secondhand - and selling on unwanted clothes - is good for the environment, too, as the manufacture of clothes is actually very resource intensive, and the dyeing process especially has pollution issues, so keeping existing clothes circulating rather than increasing the demand for new clothes helps. (I'm writing a whole long post on ethical fashion).

Photograph by my partner Raven. He did run a photography business called Chance Photography, but he's now taken down his website to focus both on advancing in his nursing studies, and to set up a jewellery business. Photograph is in the woods by my house (the new go-to location for my outfit photos since I moved away from the meadow!). 

Disclosures: 

1) I am now working with Punk Rave and will be doing an upcoming sponsored post, but I'm not being paid to endorse them here; this is outwith that - I'm saying this because I genuinely love those leggings. I also only accept sponsored endorsements from companies I actually like, anyway. 

2) The above image is from a photoshoot for a magazine; it's air-brushed, tweaked and poked at (mostly by myself), plus has been artfully lit, posed and taken from my best angles by my partner Raven - in real life I've got worse skin, I look shorter (I'm 5'9½") and my legs probably look chunkier, especially when I'm not wearing 7-inch heels! Body positivity includes owning up to digital editing! I'm a UK size 12, not especially thin. 

Steampunks Storm The Castle!

I am sad this is a tad blurry.

Ok, technically I was being Steam-Goth that day, and we didn't really storm the castle, we just stood i front of it. Inverness Castle is currently the city courts (I did jury there in the first year after I moved up to Scotland; it felt a bit surreal sitting in a Gothic Revival courtroom in a Scottish Baronial castle to attend a trial presided over by the Sherif... ), and therefore storming it would be a really bad idea. Instead we stood in front of the large front door and used it as a back-drop for this photo-shoot because I thought the red sandstone walls would be the perfect colours to accentuate the outfit. The current castle was built to replace the original medieval castle in the Victorian era. It's built in the Scottish baronial style, and was built as a courthouse, police station and prison. 

Sean without goggles on his face. Photograph by myself. 

This is another set of photographs for my project documenting the Goth and nebulous dark alternative scene in Inverness. This is my friend Sean, and he's a Metalhead/Romantic Goth/Steampunk hybrid. The outfit (and re-painted Nerf gun) he wore that day typify that - stompy boots worn with a Romantic Goth jacket from Punk Rave, a decorative top hat from Raven SDL which could easily be either Romantic Goth or Steampunk (perhaps verging more on the side of Steampunk due to the brassiness of the buckle), steam-punk paint-job on his goggles and the repainted Nerf gun... a mixture of styles. 

Sean, looking for air-ships or something. Photograph by myself.

One thing that I find differentiates the Goth scene in the Highlands from the scene in other areas is how much overlap there is in participation by individuals here - very few people in the Goth scene here like only one alternative genre of music, and participate in only one subculture, to the point where most events are mixed, and it's all one merged scene rather than a Goth scene substantially differentiated from other subcultural groups. There are plenty of Metalheads here that aren't into Goth, but not many Goths here that aren't also into Metal, or also into Hippie stuff, or Steampunk stuff. When I've been in other cities, the Goths seemed to be very much their own group, and there were specific Goth club nights, and there was less overlap. 

You have to be wary of those air-ships - sometimes they have pirates!
Photography by myself, Sean modelling. Look at that awesome jacket!

I guess the overlap here is partly because we have fewer scene-specific events and resources - our club nights are mixed, it's the local hippie shop - FarFetched - that also sells Goth clothes (after the closure of Hot Rocks and Pyramid over 5 years ago), virtually no major bands take their tours to Inverness let alone anywhere else this far North, and the scene is mostly in their late teens and twenties, with fewer elder Goths still active in the scene here, so fewer direct ties to the scene's musical core and roots. There are elder Goth here, though, however, and hopefully I will be photographing a few for later in my project. 

Sean has impressive boots. Photograph by myself. 

Those who follow me on Facebook will know that I injured my left eye this summer - I accidentally flicked the sun-shade for the view-screen on the back of Raven's camera after being startled while on a photo-shoot (borrowing his camera), and it gave me a wee nick on my cornea that was really rather painful, but is mostly over my iris so does not permanently impede my vision. It did put a bit of a delay on my processing photos - but I did finish the shoot that day, and take a second! The next day however, my eyelids had swollen shut on my left eye and I hadn't much sleep because it hurt as if I'd rubbed chillies in my eye, and I had to go to the hospital... Anyway, there are definitely more photos in this series to be poster up. I will continue to photograph my local scene in all its variety and diversity.

I hope you enjoy this photographs. Please credit me and the model (Sean M.) if you decide to share these anywhere (eg. Tumblr) and link back to me. I've seen my photographs shared about on Tumblr before, and I don't mind it - to me, it shows people appreciate it - but I do want to be properly credited. This may only be a hobby for me, but it's still my work and I spend hours organising shoots, travelling, taking shoots and then processing the images, so I'd like to be credit for that!

The Steam-Goth outfit I wore that day is the same one I wore for a shoot for Carpe Nocturne magazine, so you will get to see that shortly too! 

Body Positivity, Goth and Weight Gain

Content warning: this is a post about my struggles with weight and body-image, and therefore may include topics that people may be sensitive about. 

I've been struggling to write this post. I'd like to write a post saying that I accept myself as beautiful regardless of the fact I've put on weight since starting college - not a lot of weight, I've probably only gone up a dress size, but enough to be noticeable - and that all Goths should take confidence, that we're an inclusive bunch... However, that would be disingenuous and not an accurate reflection of how things really are.

My getting fatter has been the result of unhealthy lifestyle changes;  spending all day sitting in front of a computer working on CAD projects, presentation projects and essays, pulling too many all-nighters, going from doing martial arts 3 nights a week to virtually no exercise, taking the bus instead of walking places, eating less healthily because I'm too busy studying to cook for myself, eating the unhealthy options from the college cafeteria so I can be in and out as quickly as possible, drinking lots of sugared drinks (tea, coffee), etc. etc. All of these things are unhealthy in ways beyond weight gain.  I know that when I'm on holiday, as I am now, I'm more active, have lost some of the weight, am eating a lot more healthily, etc. and that this is a temporary state of being, something I can change, and hopefully next academic year I will have more time (and money) for exercise and sport, and make changes like bringing a healthy packed lunch to college, cycling to college instead of taking the bus, trying to be better organised and less stressed (stress is not healthy in and of itself, ignoring its contribution to my weight gain).

As most people who have followed this blog for a while will know, my natural build is tall and stocky - the female version of the body-type prevalent on my father's side. I have hormonal issues that result in a few masculine traits (including receding hair-line and facial hair, unfortunately), and which possibly contribute to my being more muscular than a lot of women (in combination with having been sporty). I'm nearly 5'10" and have broad shoulders and hips, too. I used to be a bit self-conscious about this because I will never be the thin sort of figure that is seen by mainstream society as feminine, elegant and beautiful, but over time I came to embrace it because I was fast, powerful and strong - things that are more important to me than what I look like. I might not have thin limbs and a graceful figure, but I do have a side-kick like a mule and used to do manual labour alongside men and keep up.

Firstly, I'm sad that with not exercising properly and gaining weight I'm not as fit as I was. I can't chase down and over-take the bus to catch it at the next stop if I miss it at mine (it's not a side-by side race, I have the advantage of taking the diagonal and not having to deal with the same junctions as the traffic...) and I can't do as many push-ups as I used to, and I get tired walking up to the top of the hill. That athleticism I used to be proud of isn't what it was, I have taken a loss in that sense of pride. It is also impractical to be slower, to get tired quicker, to be less fit; things that were once easy have got harder.

Secondly, I don't look the way I used to. I know that this is shallow of me, and I shouldn't be annoyed with myself over something as meaningless as appearance, and that I shouldn't think I've got ugly just because I've got larger... However, I do. I guess it's partly because the person I see in the mirror doesn't look like the sporty person I was - fat has softened defined muscles, my face looks puffy, and all the softness is a reminder of martial arts classes missed, of eating instant noodles instead of home made vegetable dishes, of not going to archery practice, of not spending time training my body because I've been training my mind. It's a reminder that I've sacrificed one version of myself to pursue another, and that I need to find a way to balance the two.

But it's also because I look even further from the lean and angular ladies in polished Gothic photo-shoots, with their defined cheek-bones and thin frames cinched narrow with corsets, long slender limbs and generally slight but tall frames... 

I know it is pointless to compare myself with these images - most of them are digitally edited anyway; even my professional photographs are often edited a little, so I should know this! Intellectually, I do, and for the most part I can remind myself that comparing myself to others is an exercise in futility that will only make me miserable, but on some level, I compare myself anyway. I want to be one of the fierce but elegant angular women I see in these pictures. Glances as sharp as their cheek-bones, wasp-like waists - the vampire aesthetic, dead-undead.  I can't blame the images for my not living up to them; I only have myself to blame for comparing myself in the first place, and not being satisfied with who I am, and I only have myself to blame for not adapting to the changes in my lifestyle brought on by college. I know intellectually that beauty is divorced from a specific set of measurements and proportions, and while I can apply this to other people, I struggle to apply it to myself.

I've actually been in Gothic Beauty magazine, and will be in the fall issue of Carpe Nocturne - tall and thick-limbed as I am. The photos for Carpe Nocturne are fairly recent, taken this summer so after I'd lost some of the weight, but not back to the size I was before. I still compare myself negatively to the other women who appear in these glossy magazines - on both occasions I'm only depicted to put a face to an interview, not because I've been picked out as a beautiful model, and I look at the models and think I cannot compare. I can be well-dressed, polish my make-up skills and pose artfully, but even when I'm at my thinnest, I think I just don't have the figure to be beautiful like that.

I think that the Goth subculture does reinforce many of the beauty standards of mainstream society - when you see the photos that make it to Goth fashion magazines and which are popular on social media like Tumblr and Facebook, the ones that are most popular are the above mentioned thin and angular beauties. They are the ones which saturate Gothic fashion. They're are certainly beautiful women, and I don't begrudge their success, I just think that there's a lack of diversity of body-types. I don't even see many women of the body-type I had before I gained weight, strong limbed, powerful.

I look up to women like Gwendoline Christie portraying a strong and tall Brienne of Tarth on Game of Thrones and still being beautiful, or to female MMA fighters, more muscular and powerful than I am, an inspiration to me - Gabriella Garcia, for example is powerfully built and 6'2". I don't have anyone to look up to in Goth fashion that is tall and powerful. There's also a dearth of larger women, curvier women, women who aren't very pale, and of men and masculine people in general - I would estimate that 90% of Gothic fashion photos and images I come across are femme women.

I would like to see a broader diversity of body-types in Gothic fashion imagery, especially in that which is promoted. I would like to see more people who are androgynous and gender-non-conforming, and I would definitely like to see more men. Goth used to be a space where the men were as interested in fashion and style as the women, and where gender-non-conformity was common. I still meet plenty of non-binary Goths, but I don't see them in the fashion imagery. I'm seeing an increasing representation of Goths who aren't very pale, which is excellent - dark-skinned Goths are as valid as pale-skinned Goths. Don't get me wrong, as someone who was bullied for so long for being naturally very pale and not wanting to get a fake tan and darkening foundation, I like being in a space where my complexion is celebrated rather than denigrated, but it's important that we don't become exclusionary in turn, or even racist. 

Before this becomes another rant going nowhere, I know I'm not the first person in the Goth subculture to notice this narrowness, this continuation of mainstream beauty standards even though as a subculture we should have the autonomy to decide against that sort of thing. Things are being done - Goth magazines are showcasing a broader range of models, especially a more ethnically diverse range, and plenty of Goth bloggers outside narrow beauty standards are putting themselves out there with their own content and images,  more made-for-Goth fashion ranges come in larger sizes and smaller sizes (I know many very petite Goth ladies who have struggled to find things that fit well on them, especially shoes), and there are groups and events setting out to celebrate body-positivity and beauty in many shapes and forms. Each time people raise the topic and speak up against having a narrow definition of beauty in Goth, it erodes that narrowness. There's also groups like ::Club Bodice:: in San Francisco work to create body-positive spaces within Goth and have shame-free club-nights - Club Bodice is the first to organise a deliberately size and body positive Goth night. Nobody should be made to feel they don't have the right body or look to have fun.

Progress is being made, it just needs to keep being made. 

In the meanwhile, I will try my best to balance being a student with looking after my health, sleeping properly, exercising more and eating nutritiously. And I will try to remember that whether or not I am beautiful is not based on how closely I measure up to the thin-framed women with sharp cheek-bones in Gothic photoshoots. Being mindful of when I'm falling prey to external pressures is the first step to not letting them get to me. 

☆♕☆

I was contacted via FaceBook by Club Bodice, and their body-positive club nights in San Francisco. I was invited to their first anniversary David Bowie themed event, but being all the way over in Scotland, I can't attend. I was asked to share details of the event, and will.

The 'It's Only Forever' event will be held at the Stud Bar at 399 9th Street, San Francisco, California (US of A), 9410. It is for those over 21 only, and the door admission is $10 and it runs from 21:00 on 21st August to 02:00 the next morning.  Kitty Von Quim will be doing a burlesque performance, and there will also be belly-dancing by Ariella. I think there's also going to be a prize give-away. The Facebook page for the event is ::here::. 

Metal Meets Goth Near Loch An Eilein

As I mentioned last year, I am slowly embarking on a project of photographing members of the local Goth community. This set is one of two I took of my friend Joel at a ruined building on the shores of Loch an Eilein, at Rothiemurchus in Speyside. This is the first of three sets of photos that will have come from that day out - these are the ones I took on my little point-and-click camera as tests of different poses, etc. I also brought the Canon camera and took proper photographs on a proper camera, but I mislaid my memory card with those on. I also took photos of Loch an Eilein's ruined castle in the middle of it. I would love to visit that castle by boat... something I may have to try and arrange in the future with the castle's owner.

Joel is both a Goth and a Metalhead, and his outfit for the photoshoot was meant to reflect that, and I had a lot of fun doing his make-up; I don't often get to do make-up on men or in different styles. 

Photograph by HouseCat

I'm not quite sure what I was aiming for, specifically with the make-up; I went with something akin to the effect of wearing a half-mask with the shading drawn on, but it wasn't refined enough to exactly create this effect, plus the make-up over the eyes and bridge of the nose doesn't fit in with that theme. I guess in the end it was abstract geometry and shading. Either way, Joel seemed to like it, and I was quite happy with how it turned out. Crisp lines were achieved with using tape to mask. Using bandage/dressing tape seems to work best for this sort of thing. 

Photograph by HouseCat

I really like all of the textures in Joel's outfit. The complex strapped arm-piece is one really cool accessory, and I'm a little jealous of Joel because it looks pretty darn cool. I actually lent Joel a few of my spikes, even though he has heaps of his own, to balance it out with an eclectic selection of spikes on the other arm. I also lent him one of my spiked chokers, to layer with his own. I don't wear spikes half as much as I used to; I guess my fashion these days leans too much to the anachronistic to embrace the punkier aspects I used to love. Perhaps some of my spikier Goth friends will end up being a better home for bits of my collection. 

Photograph by HouseCat

Taking these photographs was a scramble through rough ground. I was wearing trousers, army boots and a rain-coat, and the weather wasn't warm. I'm surprised Joel wasn't complaining about it being chilly in that mesh shirt! The building (I am not sure if it was a boat-house or fishing lodge for the loch or what) is partly mounded around by rubble and earth, and I did climb up the mound for photographs, but they will probably be in the other set when I find the memory card for the better camera. 

Photograph by HouseCat

I think my photography skills have improved since ::this:: photoshoot I took of Ducky and Catastrophe Plague at Beauly priory (not that I'm not still pretty chuffed with the photos I took then). I am going to continue with my Gothic photography project, documenting visually the variety of Goths in the Highland scene. In the not-to-distant future there will be the second set of photographs of Joel taken with 'the good camera' and also the photographs of the island castle of the 'Wolf of Badenoch'. [Who needs Game of Thrones if you live in Scotland? We've even got a Wester Ross...]

Raven took this photo of me taking a photo.

I've been taking photographs of other things too - there's more graveyards, old churches and creepy things coming up, as per usual. I'm on summer break now, and trying to make up for how little I was posting while studying. University is more work than a full-time job; I've never been so busy in my life, not even when I was studying before. I'm also working on decorating the house and sorting the garden this summer, so I won't be posting every day, but updates will now be far more regular. 

Why I Still Dress Goth Despite Harassment

As I have chronicled here before, I, like many Goths get street harassment for my being visibly Goth. This ranges from the mild and annoying (I made a rare foray into the mall today to get a 'new baby' gift for a relative, and in the mall some teenagers decided to make "wooo-oooo" noises at me while waving their hands 'mystically' and then shouting "YER A WIZARD 'ARRY!" at me.) to the terrifying (a gang of thugs threatening to kick my head in and then chasing me down a street), and I've had several close friends violently attacked for being Goth. In the light of the news recently about a young man having his jaw shattered by a gang of thugs in Huthwaite (that is now being treated as an anti-Goth hate crime) as can be read about in this article in the Gainsborough Standard ::here::, several people have asked me this - why do I still dress Goth despite the negative attention I get for it, and despite my dislike of being the centre of attention. You called me 'brave' for doing so, but I don't feel brave; I do what I do because I perceive the alternative as worse, so that to me is not really bravery. It is a trade-off; I deal with the negativity and the attention I unfortunately get because it is less bad than the alternative, and there are far more benefits this way. 

First of all, I think they look beautiful, and that mainstream clothes (and some variations of Goth clothes) are too plain for my tastes. I like details, textures, patterns - hence all the damask pattern jacquards and intricate lace, all the layers of ruffles and frills. Perhaps if I was living 200 or so years ago and had either the skills or the money to wear the more elaborate outfits, I would have worn the mainstream or fashionable clothes of the period, but most mainstream clothes are a lot less fancy - I do sometimes find things I like in mainstream shops (recently, devore velvet tasseled shawls seemed to be a 'thing' so I bought several in the sales at mainstream shops like Blue Inc. and H&M), but for the most part, they're either too plain, or just not my style (or have details, but in poor quality; I saw so many things about 2 years ago that involved black lace that I would have bought if the lace had not been cheap and scratchy). 

Secondly my clothes are sort of a worn extension of my comfort zone; I wear the clothes I do because they make me feel comfortable, make me feel like myself. They remind me of who I really am in the face of everything that has tried to quash that over the years, and also of all the things I love. I dress very much as a stylistic manifestation of my interests and passions, and having those positive reminders worn feels almost talismanic; I do wear a few literal protection charms, but there's something reassuring about wearing my Goth clothes, to have that reminder of all the things that make me happy with me at all times. 

Thirdly, and I feel weird writing this out, as it seems slightly pretentious, but I hope that by being visible, I will give some of the younger and more Goths a little more courage. I'm not the only Goth that walks around where I live, and I'm not the only one that dresses very visibly Gothic - I'm probably the most elaborately Romantic variation of Goth, but I'm not the only one to go out very distinctly Goth and very fully dressed non-mainstream, there are several Goths who do that in my area. I hope that every visible Goth, out in public and proud to be themselves, is an encouragement to other Goths. Also, hopefully by both being Goth and trying to always be polite and friendly to the outside world, I serve as an example of a Goth that isn't all the negative stereotypes. 

Fourthly, there's that dressing Goth immediately filters the people who aren't comfortable with talking to Goths, and wearing a pentacle around my neck filters out people who aren't comfortable talking to Neo-Pagans/witches, and those two things also attract like-minded individuals. Yes, it also means I get hassle from those who wish to add aggression and rudeness to their prejudice, but for the most part, I am quietly left alone by those who presume things. On the other hand, those who have common interests feel a lot more comfortable talking to me because they know I'm another of their kind, and I'm much more comfortable talking to other visibly alternative people for the same reason. I get people who like bats asking me about my bat jewellery, loads of inquiries about how I dye my hair the colours I choose, and plenty of other Goths (quite a few of whom are now my friends) have come up to me because I'm Goth, and I feel more comfortable talking to other Goths I don't know when I'm dressed Goth because I'm less worried that they will think I am a judgemental non-Goth (as I know all too well the sarcastic 'compliments' and inquiries that start polite, but soon turn to mockery). 

Lastly, I am really, really uncomfortable in mainstream clothes. I feel like a fraud, an imposter, a fake - someone pretending to be normal when they're not. I feel like I have to live up to the normal exterior, to the expectations that come with it, plus I feel ugly on top of that. I'm an eccentric by nature, and I couldn't fake normality, even if I wanted to (and believe me, I've tried). If I look strange, a little bit of strangeness is expected. Mainstream people aren't expected to wax lyrical about cemeteries, Goths who look like they're from the graveyard end up giving impromptu cemetery tours to random tourists (this happened a couple of days ago, and then I ran into some history-loving American tourists who got directions to the abbey ruins, plus some free tips for other historical sites in the area...), and I am much happier with the freedom to be myself that comes with looking like myself. Those who judge me for being Goth are usually full of inaccurate assumptions of what Goth is; their judgements don't really touch me because they are not about me; they are founded on errors and presumptions - those who judge me for not being "normal" are judging who I am as a person.

So that is why I make the trade-off, and put up with the stares, the jeers and the aggression, and why I put up with the attention that ends up focused on me. Sure, I would certainly blend in better dressed in the 'costume' of the mainstream, but I would be a lot more miserable, and even more uncomfortable and nervy if I did so. 

It's not brave, it's just taking what seems like the easier option. 

The only thing that really scares me is the increased risk of violence; I keep vigilant for those who might be violent trouble (and have got pretty good at spotting trouble coming; I don't know if it is instinct or perception, but I know when someone gives me a bad feeling, and I vanish, and usually soon after they do something to display that my instinct was right), and I keep to either shops that simply won't attract trouble much, or in open areas of central parts of town - away from the dodgy areas of towns and cities where even a normal person stands a higher risk of violent crime, and where my clothes would mark me out for at least a beating. I do martial arts, and train for self-defence rather than just sport. I know when to run. Several of my friends locally have been violently attacked, and I have been curbing my travels since them. I don't stay in town after dark very often, as that's when the drunks are out and about, and I take the bus to places I would have once walked, and tend to go places in groups or meet up with someone. I can minimise the risks.

Fashion, Self-Expression and Goth

Fashion can be a symbol of resistance and rebellion, of rejecting mainstream values, but sometimes that symbolism is a projection from those around the wearer, not the wearer themselves. Sometimes it is from the wearer - hippies utilised this as a tool by wearing clothes they made themselves or made from costumes to be walking symbols of what they believed in, wearing CND logos (Peace symbols), natural designs, or vivid, almost lurid colours full of vibrancy and conveying an experiential zest for life. Punk, the subculture that is Goth's antecedent, became stylistically manifest in deliberately ripped and tattered clothes, a D.I.Y ethos and unnatural hair colours and fierce styles that made the wearer immediately visible as a Punk and thus making the wearer carry everything that such a style stands for. Punk style started as a visual manifestation of an anarchist attitude, of a D.I.Y ethos that rejected the consumerist materialism of high fashion, of colourful and and sometimes painful self expression, of being oneself at any cost, even if over the decades, like Goth, it has slowly become something that is bought and copied. Goth inherited a lot from that, especially styles like Deathrocker.

Anyone going out in public in the complete regalia of any subculture is marking themselves as visibly outside the mainstream, as visibly part of a different 'tribe'. Goth is no exception, and if anything, less socially acceptable than being a Hippie or Emo, as Hippie has gradually become accepted as an extension of being "a bit Bohemian" and Emo fashion in terms of actual garments, is more a darker turn on mainstream garments such as hoodies and skinny trousers than something wildly different. 

If a Goth walks down the street in leather trousers, knee-high stompy boots, a leather corset with steel bones and steel studs, a short-sleeved shirt and torn fishnets for an under-shirt, with spiked cuffs adorning their neck and wrists, leather fingerless gloves adorned with even more studs, hair dyed black and purple and wildly styled, face pale and painted up with black designs that accentuate their eyes, and with ears and face full of metalwork, that Goth is expressing their inner beliefs and selves externally; one that to a degree, because it is so removed from mainstream fashion, includes a certain amount of defiantly doing your own thing. They become immediately visible by how different they look to the majority of the people around them, and while they are probably not dressed that way to garner attention, they know they will receive it. A lot of the attention they will get will be negative, and sadly a lot of young Goths eventually give up the subculture because they do not want to face the harassment and sometimes violence that will be heaped upon them for their choices. 

While Goth is not something to take up in order to rebel, anyone who is a Goth is innately going to be seen as a rebel because they are, with varying levels of deliberation, taking the alternative path and not choosing the mainstream, popular options. It may not be the active rebellion of Punk, but it as an act of separation. Even if it is merely a rejection of mainstream fashions, aesthetics and music, it is still an act of separation. It's not always a case of drawing a line in the sand to say "I am not like them", but by looking different, it often becomes regarded as such from those outside of the subculture. Goth is a path where those who live it tend to end up walking a very self-determined road, something inherited from its punk ancestors. Personally, my rejection of the mainstream goes further than a rejection of mainstream fashion, aesthetics and music. I am opposed to to quite a few aspects of modern society that have become all-prevalent and which I find insidious, worrying and are not something I wish to be part of, but how much individual Goths reject mainstream values really depends a lot on the individual Goth; a lot of us tend to be quite strong on the idea of people thinking for themselves and not defaulting to what is popular or given media prevalence, but other than that Goth doesn't really come with any ideology beyond an appreciation for the darker things in life. 

Goth is not a political movement, and so it does not carry the same anarchic connotations as punk, or the same pacifist, environmentalist and psychedelic connotations of the Hippies, if anything it is a philosophical or artistic movement that seeks beauty in the darkness, as inspired originally by the songs of certain bands, but with a history that draws on creativity from many periods. Goth is not about railing energetically against mainstream society, the systems of authority, or the many injustices of the world, but it does have that strong individualist ethos within it. Goth is also about looking in dark places, and if you look in the dark corners of the world, you will be moved by what you see there. Each Goth will believe their own creed, politics, spirituality and vision of the world, and generally allow other Goths, and other people in general to also have their own opinions - that said, Goths can turn political, philosophical and religious debate into a flame-war or argument too, as we are after all a collection of strong personalities that will sometimes clash, and no group of people is perfect - but overall, we seem to have too strong a sense of individuality to all come with a similar set of opinions. 

Goths tend to see their clothes as part of their identity, an outward manifestation of their inner selves as much as an identifier of membership of the subculture. The clothes we wear within the broad umbrella of Goth are hugely diverse, especially as, despite the fact there are now goth 'brands', that there is a huge creative element that hand-crafts, hand-sews, modifies and designs things for themselves, and those clothes will often be very carefully thought out before being worn, dressing to match the person's mood, their self image, the the values they hold, the place they are going to. Goths do not tend to wear something to "fit in", nor do they generally wear things because they are popular amongst other Goths (although in the age of the internet there has been an increase in 'trends' within Goth - a couple years ago it was wearing horns, probably inspired be Maleficent, then it was wearing buckled and studded 'harness' inspired straps, currently it's the "witchy" or "occult" trend, which I have strong opinions on, etc.). Goths, while often dressing in sexualised ways, tend to do this to express their own sexuality rather than to pander to someone else's.

Goth fashion can be highly gendered, but at the same time, gender-bending, androgyny and transvestitism are generally accepted within the Goth community. Men can wear skirts and make-up without the assumption amongst other Goths that they are doing so because they are gay, and they can also do so in ways that are not traditionally un-masculine - for example wearing a Rivethead utility kilt/skirt and black eyeliner and black nail-polish, in an outfit clearly inspired by dystopian science fiction rather than by drag queens. The Goth community tends to towards equal standards and expectations of behaviour  amongst gender; women are encouraged to be strong, men are allowed to be emotional. The confidence gained from outwardly flouting gender norms in terms of dress within the Goth community often translates to a confidence to continue doing so in a wider context. 

As Goth encourages visible self expression through fashion, piercings, tattooing and other personal, aesthetic avenues, it fosters an atmosphere where people are proud to be themselves, something at the core of every civil rights movement. It also allows people who are trying to be the change they want to see in the world to be a visual manifestation or representation of that change, in the way of being a walking work of art. Also, once someone is visually different, that often gives them the confidence to be behaviourally different - it is often the start of acting according to one's true self rather than according to the expectations of mainstream society as once someone is visually part of the "other" then they feel freed of the constraints of being part of the norm. This though, is not linear cause and effect, as it takes a certain amount of confidence to so visibly reject the norm, as the mainstream can be particularly cruel over things as seemingly unimportant as clothes, because clothes are a manifestation of the inner self, and are therefore some of those in the mainstream act out against people they think do more than look different (otherwise 'edgy' hipsters misappropriating Goth would  get the same harassment Goths do) especially if there are prejudices and assumptions about the specific kind of "looking different". Being visually different does not necessarily mean being as radically different as taking on a subculture such as Goth, Punk, Hippie or Lolita, or even dressing in a way culturally attributed to another gender, it can be as simple as wearing clothes that belong to the mainstream, but are ones that you like from a few years ago, and not updating your wardrobe every six months because last season's clothes are out of fashion, or simply dressing in less gendered or less sexualised way. 

If you approach clothes, personal aesthetics and style from the standpoint of using it as a form of self expression, as a manifestation of the inner self and ones tastes, rather than from the standpoint of worrying about trends, "being fashionable" or from the standpoint of trying to fit in, look "normal" or caring about what others think of your appearance, then you become freed from the effects of fashion advertising. You cease to think in ways that most advertising targets - adverts generally work by trying to sell the product as being part of a lifestyle, or by targeting insecurities, and once you are no longer interested in those lifestyles and no longer have those insecurities, you begin to see through advertising. If your beauty ideals are based on your own tastes rather than on the appearances of celebrities and models, then the products those celebrities and models endorse no longer seem better by association. This does not necessarily entail being Goth, but it does entail thinking for oneself, which is something Goths tend to be good at - I'm probably going around in circles in saying we tend to be ardently individualist! A lot of people who aren't Goth tend to be good at it too, though, and being Goth is by no means a mark of superiority above "sheeple" masses. 

Once you see clothes, personal aesthetics and style from the standpoint of self expression, and tend towards creativity, then it provides a way of being a walking artwork, from designing clothes to designing tattoos and everything in between. As clothes are an outward manifestation of my inner self, I'd rather make that statement myself instead of mass-produced designs. This does not necessarily mean making clothes from scratch, but includes modifying things and customising them. Having a broad choice - and the main chains and high-street stores do actually sell a good variety - is not the same as getting your own vision fulfilled, and that is where making and customising has its greatest strength: you are in control of the project. Yes, there are still the limitations of findings and materials, although even those can be overcome, albeit sometimes at quite a cost, but there is still so much more scope for fulfilling personal vision. 

I'm probably going to write at length in future about how my clothes express my inner self, and about some of the choices I make - for now, here's ::a post:: from a while back that covers that to some degree (and in general, don't be afraid to read and comment on older posts; I do still get informed about comments, and I do tend to reply!)