New Year, New Me?

I'm doing that modern tradition of 'New Year's Resolutions' and so far I'm managing to stick to them, but I hope I'm not one of the many people who let them drop by the wayside throughout the year. I am hoping that if I post them publicly, this will encourage me to live up to the expectations I have declared of myself - especially if people encourage me.

Recent photograph of me by Raven

My resolutions are in three main categories: healthier living, happier living, and college.

Healthier Living Resolutions:

1. Eat less cheese, chocolate and other less healthy foods that I tend to over-indulge in. I'm actually not eating either for January - I've eaten the last of what was left over from the festive season, and I'm not buying or eating any more until at least February, and trying to replace these parts of my diet with healthier options - primarily fresh and dried fruit. 
2. Get fitter and less fat. I've put on fat due to a sedentary lifestyle and an unhealthy diet of convenience food, something I have mentioned before. I managed to loose a little fat and ended up about 2 inches thinner all around last year, but then I gained it again. I need to make sure being a student doesn't also mean living unhealthily and not exercising enough, eating unhealthy snack foods, etc. I don't have a problem with this as primarily an aesthetic issue, but as one of me recognising that it's a symptom of my lifestyle in general having become less healthy. 
3. Go for regular walks. I live in a beautiful, beautiful part of the world and I don't spend as much time exploring it as I ought to. Part of that is because I'm really busy with the house and college, and part of that is because I spend too much time on Faceboook, Tumblr, etc. I need to do less of the latter, and I need to do more exercise, in general, and walking is both relaxing and gets me fresh air, exercise and relative quiet, especially if I stay rural and keep away from populated areas. 
4. Go back to martial arts classes. I have loose joints and a co-ordination disorder, and as long as I'm careful in what exercises I do (that I'm doing them properly, and that I work on having the muscle-strength to control the over-flexibility of my joints) and strap up my knees and ankles properly, martial arts help both of those issues. A complex discipline like martial arts really helps with co-ordination, proprioception and kinesthesia. It helps me become far more aware of where all of me is, basically, and what each part of me is doing, and while I'm still clumsy, and I learn things like martial arts far, far slower than my class-mates (I will never be some badass MMA fighter type!), all the time I'm practising regularly I see the improvement in my everyday life. I also found being allowed to hit things a good stress-reliever. I quit to spend more time on my studies, but now I regret it. I need the exercise, but I also need to do these things that really tax my abilities in order to improve them, otherwise I'm a klutz that trips over air, bumps her hand on the hot parts of the cooker and breaks crockery... I suppose I could substitute any other discipline that requires similar co-ordination, like dance or yoga, but martial arts fits my personality better, plus while I'm no expert, I would like to improve my self-defence abilities, especially when I know how rough things can be for those of us who choose to look different. 

This is my "the photoshoot will be ruined by rain" face.
Photograph by Raven. 

Happier Living Resolutions:

1. Spend less time on the internet. This blog is a fun hobby, and e-mails are a useful form of communication. The internet is also a great research resource (Google Scholar is so useful!), but it has its downside; getting into arguments online with strangers, spending too much time idly on social media, being distracted by pages of funny cat/bat/snake memes, and generally wasting time unproductively. I need to less of the latter, and perhaps spend more time on this blog! Last year I only managed 29 blog posts, and that is not enough content!
2. Learn to say "no" to social engagements. I've been trying to override my introverted nature and be too social for my own good, leaving me exhausted. Just being around people too long wears me out, and I get plenty of that at college. I have to be balanced about this, too, as I have reclusive tendencies, but I also have to respect my own boundaries and not just blindly agree to every time I am invited to see friends or have a coffee. I'm also very much not a fan of loud, busy places - so a lot of bars and clubs are more torturous than fun in my opinion, and I need to be more assertive in saying that I don't want to go to those sorts of places. I am a "yes" to cemetery picnics and a "no" to Friday night drinks. 
3. Draw and paint more. I love art, and I love working on artistic projects, but these days I haven't done much in the way of art and crafting - a lot of the time it's because college has to take precedence, but keeping my artistic skills up to scratch is important to my architecture studies, plus it's very rewarding. I also have quite a few unfinished art projects that I just want to get done. 

This was a test photo of me looking at a tree by Raven

Studious Resolutions:

1. Spend more time on Revit. Revit, for those who aren't in architecture, is a piece of software that is 'building information modelling' - which in ordinary terms means that it models various properties of a building as well as its 3D shape, and allows for information like which company makes something, what phase of construction it's in, or whatnot, to be included. Very powerful software, and an important part of my college course is learning to use it, but I really struggle with it; it's so different from anything I've done before - heck, before uni, I hadn't done any 3D modelling at all. Learning 2D CAD and technical drawing was more a case of applying what I know of doing it traditionally to a new medium, but 3D building information modelling is something completely new. The only way to improve is to practice, and I hate practising because it's an unrewarding battle with something that mostly frustrates me, but I have to, so I will. 
2. Tidy my study. My study has ended up something of a storage room instead of a quiet place to work; it's full of crates, books, etc. It's hard to move in there, let alone get any studying done, so it needs a clear out! Because of the amount of junk that has been shifted in there as we decorate (and really, refurbish) other areas of our house, it's become rather cluttered, so this is a significant task. 
3. Manage my time better. I struggle with time management - partly because I have a couple neurological issues that mean I have problems like no sense of how much time has passed, and with remaining on task (I have short-term memory issues), but I've got a tablet computer now, and apps and software to help - I use countdown timers a lot, for example, and it's easier to have one on my computer than keep taking the one from the kitchen - plus I'm trying to schedule my time better with time-tables, etc. I got behind last term, and I don't want to repeat that.  

Those are my 10 resolutions for this year. I really hope I can keep to them.

The photos interspersing these are the best photos from the first attempted photoshoot of 2017 and are all by Raven. Unfortunately, bad weather came in and ruined it all, which means I'll have to try again soon. The jacket is by DarkStar and the jabot and shirt by PunkRave. My hair is dyed with Directions Apple Green, Stargazer UV Green and Directions Alpine Green, with the UV Green as highlights at the front, and the Alpine Green as lowlights in the lower layers. It's washed out a little since I did it, hence why it is a little more pastel than my usual vivid green. 

Metal Meets Goth Near Loch An Eilein

As I mentioned last year, I am slowly embarking on a project of photographing members of the local Goth community. This set is one of two I took of my friend Joel at a ruined building on the shores of Loch an Eilein, at Rothiemurchus in Speyside. This is the first of three sets of photos that will have come from that day out - these are the ones I took on my little point-and-click camera as tests of different poses, etc. I also brought the Canon camera and took proper photographs on a proper camera, but I mislaid my memory card with those on. I also took photos of Loch an Eilein's ruined castle in the middle of it. I would love to visit that castle by boat... something I may have to try and arrange in the future with the castle's owner.

Joel is both a Goth and a Metalhead, and his outfit for the photoshoot was meant to reflect that, and I had a lot of fun doing his make-up; I don't often get to do make-up on men or in different styles. 

Photograph by HouseCat

I'm not quite sure what I was aiming for, specifically with the make-up; I went with something akin to the effect of wearing a half-mask with the shading drawn on, but it wasn't refined enough to exactly create this effect, plus the make-up over the eyes and bridge of the nose doesn't fit in with that theme. I guess in the end it was abstract geometry and shading. Either way, Joel seemed to like it, and I was quite happy with how it turned out. Crisp lines were achieved with using tape to mask. Using bandage/dressing tape seems to work best for this sort of thing. 

Photograph by HouseCat

I really like all of the textures in Joel's outfit. The complex strapped arm-piece is one really cool accessory, and I'm a little jealous of Joel because it looks pretty darn cool. I actually lent Joel a few of my spikes, even though he has heaps of his own, to balance it out with an eclectic selection of spikes on the other arm. I also lent him one of my spiked chokers, to layer with his own. I don't wear spikes half as much as I used to; I guess my fashion these days leans too much to the anachronistic to embrace the punkier aspects I used to love. Perhaps some of my spikier Goth friends will end up being a better home for bits of my collection. 

Photograph by HouseCat

Taking these photographs was a scramble through rough ground. I was wearing trousers, army boots and a rain-coat, and the weather wasn't warm. I'm surprised Joel wasn't complaining about it being chilly in that mesh shirt! The building (I am not sure if it was a boat-house or fishing lodge for the loch or what) is partly mounded around by rubble and earth, and I did climb up the mound for photographs, but they will probably be in the other set when I find the memory card for the better camera. 

Photograph by HouseCat

I think my photography skills have improved since ::this:: photoshoot I took of Ducky and Catastrophe Plague at Beauly priory (not that I'm not still pretty chuffed with the photos I took then). I am going to continue with my Gothic photography project, documenting visually the variety of Goths in the Highland scene. In the not-to-distant future there will be the second set of photographs of Joel taken with 'the good camera' and also the photographs of the island castle of the 'Wolf of Badenoch'. [Who needs Game of Thrones if you live in Scotland? We've even got a Wester Ross...]

Raven took this photo of me taking a photo.

I've been taking photographs of other things too - there's more graveyards, old churches and creepy things coming up, as per usual. I'm on summer break now, and trying to make up for how little I was posting while studying. University is more work than a full-time job; I've never been so busy in my life, not even when I was studying before. I'm also working on decorating the house and sorting the garden this summer, so I won't be posting every day, but updates will now be far more regular. 

Newcastle Emlyn Castle

This is a post from March 2013 that somehow got relegated to a draft! I'm not sure how it never got published! Have a look at some castle photos from Wales! 

I went to where the last dragon was slain.

There isn't much left of the castle at Newcastle Emlyn (Castell Newydd Emlyn) but I have visited what remains a couple of times before. My most recent visit was on Day 3 of my holidays. 

I didn't get a photograph of the gate, but there is a rather grand wrought iron gate with a dragon breathing fire at the top, and an oak-leaf design. The dragon is painted gold with red flames. It is a modern tribute to both local legend and local history. 

Photograph of the castle by the HouseCat

Most of what remains are the two towers either side of the main entrance and the castle mound. The castle was quite small (by castle standards) when complete, and now that it is ruined it does not take long to walk around it. Or clamber. I must admit that I like being able to touch and clamber on my history, to explore every nook of it. I try to be careful, as although the walls are old and have remained for centuries, some bits are loose and I neither want to fall or damage the walls. 

It was a lovely, bright and sunny day, but cold. It was not as blustery as when I visited Cilgerran castle. I still ended up wrapped up in my long leather coat, but didn't need to wrap my hair to my ears with my scarf this time. We were there in the mid to late afternoon, and the sun cast strong shadows across the stonework. 

Inside of one of the towers.
Photograph by the HouseCat

The sky was a good clear blue and the surrounding countryside and river looked absolutely gorgeous. It was nice to just stroll around the grounds, take photographs and chat to Raven. 

See, I CAN take colour photographs of buildings!
Photograph by the HouseCat

There are quite extensive grounds about the castle, with nice gardens and a picnic area. We didn't, however, eat a picnic, but went to ::Pachamama Bistro::, which is in the town itself. I had this lovely goat's cheese and onion chutney sandwich in lovely crusty bread with salad (dressed with tasty dressing!) and a few crisps. It was really tasty. I also had a 'Mellow Mallow' hot chocolate which I can highly recommend as a delicious hot chocolate. As well as a range of delicious Western sandwiches and salads, they do a range of Thai, Chinese and Indian dishes. It's a lovely cosy place to eat and the staff are very friendly.

Light through the old windows of the castle.

I managed to have a rummage around a charity shop and  a browse of some of the other shops. Dave was very lovely and gave me a £1 coin (I was all out of cash as I rarely cary much/any, and it was too little to pay for on card) with which I bought a rather nice four-candle black metal candlestick. I also went to   'The Maker's Mark' which is run by a lovely lady called Nada (I hope I spelled that correctly) who remembered us from our last visit. I really enjoy shopping in Newcastle Emlyn; for a smallish town, it has a lot of good quirky little shops, more than Inverness, which is a city.

7 Days, 7 Corset Outfits!

Initially, this was supposed to be a 14 day corset challenge, but I pretty much failed that half-way through. Putting together a corset-centred outfit is time consuming, especially the getting dressed and getting laced up part, and even with Raven helping me I decided it just was not practical to wear every day. While my corsets are comfortable, they do restrict mobility to a degree (especially bending over) and when I have practical things to do, I'd rather not be wearing one. I was on October holiday, as I work at a school, and thus had two weeks where my outfit choices where not dictated by what was work appropriate, and I wanted to see if I could wear corset-based outfits for the whole duration. I know some people do wear corsetry every day, but I have discovered that it is not for me. Part of it is that my corsets are all really outerwear corsets, rather than underwear corsets, and for an outfit to incorporate a corset and seem fitting, to me at least, it needs to match the corset for fanciness, and I just do not feel like I can carry that level of fanciness on a day-to-day basis. 

Firstly, I'd like to apologise for the photo quality; most of these were taken either on my smartphone or my webcam and neither of those have particularly amazing cameras, although the smartphone is considerably better than the webcam. My laptop's camera is actually relatively good in daylight, but really struggles with artificial light. All photos were edited at ::PicMonkey:: which is a free online photo editor, aimed at making selfies and similar funky and fun.



Day 1 Outfit Rundown:
My natural waist here 29 inches and my corseted waist here is 25 inches here, in a 24 inch corset. While I can lace them all the way, I don't wear corsets frequently enough to find lacing myself down to 24 inches very comfortable, so I tend to leave a bit of breathing space.
⚰ Corset: Corset Story UK (secondhand, eBay)
⚰ Blouse: Zara (secondhand, charity shop)
⚰ Cameo necklace: Rock & Roar
⚰ Wig: Coscraft
⚰ Shrug: Tesco (secondhand, charity shop)

The Coscraft wig tends to end up a bit spidery, and the ends of the fibres were a bit frizzy when I got it, and have only got frizzier. I have noticed this is a common problem with synthetic black wigs, that the fibres have a tendency to frazzle at the ends more so than other colours, and I wonder if this is something to do with whatever is commonly used as a black pigment altering the synthetic hair plastic somehow. That's not to say my other wigs do not frazzle - they do - it just seems something that black wigs are predisposed to do so much faster, and I've had black wigs from four different quality brands, and the only one that has been silky and stayed silky was really cheap on eBay from China, which then proceeded to moult rapidly and thin much faster than the more expensive ones. If anyone knows a brand that sells black wigs that stay as silky as their more brightly coloured wigs, then would love to hear recommendations.

I am a sky-pirate, just for one day... 

Day 2 Outfit Rundown 
I had this corset fully laced to 26 inches for this outfit. 
⚰ Brocade trousers: Primark
⚰ Blouse: Gothic Lolita & Punk 
⚰ Corset: Leatherotics 
⚰ Frock-coat: Hearts & Roses London 
⚰ Wing pins: eBay 
⚰ Wig: Borrowed from Raven 
⚰ Goggles (barely visible): modified by me, originally bought on eBay.

For my second outfit I was inspired by the buckled corset to create an outfit with distinct Steampunk influences, yet not one that is truly Steampunk, just Romantic Goth making a nod towards the Steampunk aesthetic. I love the 'sky pirate' character that often turn up in Steampunk fiction - it appeals to me in the same way as Firefly and Serenity do. Unfortunately all of these photographs have the goggles I was wearing cut off (but those who follow the ::Domesticated Goth Facebook Page:: will have seen the full body pictures, and some of these photos, already!). I chose the wings double-brooch (which I wore as collar pins) as a symbol of flight. I have some pleather gloves that I think would have suited this outfit, with straps and studs, but I can't find both of the pair right now.

This outfits seems quite androgynous for one involving an under-bust corset which is very specifically designed to both cinch my waist and emphasise my bust! Partly this is because the combination of frock coat, frills and trousers is traditionally considered male, and partly this is because the wig and that specific make-up (with its heavier brows and contouring on the cheeks, but lack of blush or lipstick) seems more akin to that from masculine Visual Kei artists than my usual styles, and take some of the softness away from my features. I liked the combination of 'effeminate' and 'masculine' elements in this outfit, as it feels like a way to incorporate my 'tomboy' side with still loving all the ruffles and lace of Romantic Goth. I'd quite like to do another version of this  outfit with a waistcoat rather than a corset.

An almost monochrome aesthetic.

Day 3 Outfit Rundown 
This is the same corset as in the first outfit, and laced about the same amount. I feel that even when it is not fully laced, it gives me quite defined curves.
⚰ Blouse: G:21 (secondhand, bought in a charity shop)
⚰ Corset: Corset Story UK (secondhand, bought on eBay)
⚰ Lace mitts: Accessorise 
⚰ Overskirt: Don't know! (secondhand, labels removed before I bought it, so I don't know)
⚰ Skirt: Marks & Spencer (secondhand, bought in a charity shop)
⚰ Wig: Coscraft
⚰ Necklace: Restyle

This is a very classically Romantic Goth outfit, with make-up and clothing choices that put me very much in the greyscale. I am not naturally that desaturated and pale; I used white foundation (and remembered to apply it to most exposed skin) to take the rosiness out of my skin tone (I'm already very pale) and used grey and silver as shading on my face, in order to aim for something akin to being a black and white photograph of a person but alive in the polychromatic world. Having naturally grey eyes helped! The entire outfit was built around matching the aesthetic of the pewter raven necklace with its black 'stones' (which I think are either plastic or glass) which was both wonderfully detailed and very Gothic, and made me think of old black and white horror movies.

One thing I would improve is choosing a top with a different line of frills the nest time; I feel like the line of the corset and the line of ruffles should match, as with the ruffles across the top of my bust, this looks a little strange. 

Day 4 Outfit Rundown
The same corset as the second outfit, but with a dramatically different outfit. 
⚰ Jacket: Dark Star, (via Far Fetched, Inverness) 
⚰ Blouse: Zanzea (Christmas present from Raven) 
⚰ Corset: Leatherotics
⚰ Cat handbag: H&M 
⚰ Lace Mitts: Accessorise

I tried for a more casual outfit, but as corsets seem fairly fancy to me, the rest of the outfit ended up fancy anyway. It's hard to tell in the photographs, but I'm wearing a skirt with it - if I had a longer mirror I'd show that it's floor-length. I love pairing purple up with the blueish green of my hair, so I picked this rather fabulously patterned cropped jacket from Dark Star. Far Fetched were very accommodating, and as I am a regular customer (they sell incense... ) I was able to pay for it in instalments, and therefore buy a much fancier jacket than I could normally afford.  One of the reasons to support independent retailers is that it is far more likely that they will allow payment plans for items that aren't expensive electronics! 

I don't take myself too seriously, especially when doing a 'duck-face' pout!

Day 5 Outfit Rundown
This is probably my favourite outfit from the week! 
Corset is a 24 inch corset, again laced a bit loosely, somewhere between 25 and 26 inches at a guess. 
♛ Wig: Coscraft 
♛ Necklace: eBay 
♛ Shawl/chiffon cardigan thing: New York Laundry (modified by me, bought secondhand, charity shop)
♛ Blouse: H&M (secondhand, eBay)
♛ Corset: Corset Story 
♛ Skirt: Marks & Spencers (secondhand, charity shop) 
♛ Lace Mitts: Accessorise

This outfit was all about the lovely sleeves off this cape/shrug/over-shirt/cardigan thing... It's loose, floaty, sheer and light synthetic chiffon with vast bell sleeves that end in ruffles, and it swishes delightfully. I bought it for £1.99 in a charity shop and decided that the neckline was too plain, so hand-stitched that crochet-lace (venise lace?) collar onto it, and the collar was cheap on eBay. Originally the collar was for another project entirely, and I bought somewhere around a year ago, but it was too big for the blouse I wanted to sew it to, so it just lurked in my sewing supplies until I figured it would go well with this item. I also changed the black buttons on the top for silver-tone metallic ones, and instead of doing the bottom buttons up at the front, I like doing them up behind me when I am wearing a corset, to emphasise the curves of the corset.

This many selfies of the same outfit is probably a sign of narcissism... 

I really like how this outfit turned out (probably a bit too proud of it, actually!) and it is certainly an outfit I'd wear again, especially that top! I just love the big, floaty sleeves. I'm a bit annoyed with the photographs, though; on the whole they're a bit hazy, and a mixture of washed out and strangely dark. I think I over-lightened my face in the third picture down, in order to try and make it visible - at least I look ghostly, which seems apt in the run-up to Halloween! 

Spiky! Now, which supernatural foe am I supposed to slay? 

Day 6 Outfit Rundown
Same corset as before, laces to 26 inch waist. ⚰ Spikes: (an assortment of places, mostly market stalls in Camden, Reading and Bristol; I've had them so long that I don't remember where I got them all) 
⚰ Upper set of choker spikes are from a wholesaler on eBay, Phoenix1900 
⚰ Blouse: Zanzea (Christmas present from Raven) 
⚰ Corset: Leatherotics
⚰ Belt with overskirt: Gothic, Lolita & Punk
⚰ Mesh gloves: (secondhand on eBay, unbranded)
⚰ Skinny trousers: H&M

This outfit is far more modern in its Goth. I picked buckled accessories with spikes and studs and obvious eyelets to co-ordinate with the studs and buckles on the corset. The last two outfits with this corset were based more on anachronistic ruffles - this one is far slicker. I am wearing skinny black trousers with it, and picked a fitted shirt and stretch mesh gloves. I guess this sort of fashion style is rooted more in Underworld and Resident Evil than the usual period horror inspirations! I felt rather badass wearing this outfit (although I don't think my martial arts skills and weaponry are quite up to par with those of my pop-geek culture heroines!). I finished it with my eternally comfortable army boots.

My make-up isn't actually as pale as it appears in this photograph; that's a byproduct of my tinkering with the contrasts and such to make the detail apparent in what was quite a dingy and poorly lit pair of photographs. As you can see, I have been given a new smartphone, but it is 'only' a cheap one, and the camera is not a significant improvement upon the last smartphone camera, so I am afraid that the photograph quality is still lacking. I have noticed that the flash on my new smartphone isn't very powerful. At least it's still better than the webcam! 

These photographs officially suck

Day 7 Outfit Rundown
This is a new corset I ordered cheaply on eBay. It is supposed to be a 26 inch waist and suitable for tight-lacing, but with its use of spiral steel bones throughout, rather than rigid steel bones, I am reluctant to lace it all the way in case it warps. 
⚰ Dress: Tic Toc
⚰ Shrug: Tesco (secondhand in a charity shop!)
⚰ Corset: eBay
⚰ Belt: (unknown, secondand, charity shop)
⚰ Necklace: Phoenix1900 on ebay. 

I am really disappointed with how the photographs came out for this, but I really don't think either my smartphone or my webcam deal with electric lighting indoors very well. My older smartphone coped much better, as is evident in fourth set of selfies. The dress is stretch lace, and very slinky, and the shrug is woven lace and a nice pattern. I tried to highlight the belt, but the swirling plant designs on the metal are lost, as is the intricate lace of the choker. 

Confidence And Being Visibly Alternative In Public

I am more confident in my full Romantic Goth gear than I would be in jeans & t-shirt. 

I actually feel really uncomfortable when I'm not dressed Goth; I feel like I am wearing the costume of being somebody else. I am certainly comfortable with being alternative in public, even as obviously so as to wear long skirts, corsets, frock-coats and wigs in town.

I have seen several video and read several articles about this sort of thing, and here is my take on it.

I dress for only myself, and wear what I think is beautiful, and my tastes in clothes are far more layered, detailed, extravagant and anachronistic than most people's, and this to me is too eclectic to be formal-wear, even if the materials (like the jacquard and lace) are often thought of as too luxurious for everyday wear. For formal wear, I would wear either a dress, or a matching set.

The trick to being confident is realising that you are the ultimate judge of your own beauty, not some random stranger. You don't know the strangers by default of definition - you can't know the motivations for a passing comment; they could be complimenting you, but really think what your wearing is hideous (perfect example of this in the film 'Mean Girls') and be insulting you despite actually liking what you wear because they want to show off to their friends (<sarcasm> because insulting strangers really demonstrates how macho you are! </sarcasm>) so there's no point in taking stead in their opinions; although I think genuine compliments are fairly easily identified, and most people who make mean comments about Halloween or vampires or just shout "GOTH!" or whatever at us in the streets are doing so for the sake of being mean (because they are insecure, afraid of anything different, want to show off to the rest of their group, want to get attention etc.). Yes, some people just don't like the Goth (or other subcultural) aesthetic, but they generally don't feel the need to be publicly rude to a stranger about it, but on the other side of that, those who like your outfit may not want to publicly complement you.

Diamonds, clubs and the Ace of Hearts
Phone-cam selfie.

The only people you should listen to about your appearance are those who genuinely want to help you with it, for example friends and family and even then, you are allowed to disagree with them. My Dad is accepting of me being Goth, but actually prefers it when I wear black trousers, Doc Martens or New Rocks, a black turtle-neck, studded cuffs, etc. because he prefers a more practical aesthetic and thinks my "frilly stuff" is too busy for his tastes. I happen to disagree, and continue to wear frills when they won't get in the way. (See ::this:: post for my more practical aesthetic). Of course, sometimes friends will have a valid point and will try and broach any fashion advice politely. It's a tricky subject, and a tact minefield.

The second trick is being comfortable with your own appearance. If you feel pretty and feel comfortable, others will be more relaxed about it. The more self-conscious you are, the more you will subconsciously project that. If you really like your own appearance, then your own self-belief will shine through and you will carry yourself better and look pretty. 

If, when I look in the mirror before I go out, I look just how I want to, then I am confident to wear it in public. If something doesn't look quite right, then I will either try it and see (perhaps later in the day I will like it) if it is something minor, or simply change whatever it is that doesn't work. My reference point is my own aesthetic taste, and yes, that is inspired by other things I have seen, as nobody is truly original (only innovative). My tastes are influenced by photographs I've seen of other Goths, and people into Aristocrat, New Romantic, Lolita and other fashions, as well as high-fashion garments, costuming for stage and screen productions, works of art, historical fashions, works of fantasy etc. 

An important thing is being able to distinguish art from reality - high-concept fashion shoots are art, an inspiration, not a reflection of real life, and even a lot of other photographs have been improved with the aid of a computer, even if it is only to tweak the lighting, colour-balance, contrast, etc. and models tend to try and pose in flattering ways. Nobody looks like a perfect photograph all the time, not even professional models. Some people are highly photogenic, but even they have their 'derpy' moments and their off-days. 

I pay attention to the small details; for example having makeup-swirls that compliment the designs on my clothes, keeping strictly to a limited colour palette, carefully coordinating glove length to sleeve length and hosiery to skirt/trousers and making sure that the shoes and handbag compliment each other. I am picky about which jewellery I am wearing, which hair accessories, how I have styled my hair, and my wig. Once I know I have every small detail just how I like them, I feel pretty - but I am a perfectionist, and not everyone cares about that level of detail. Personally, I feel that it is an important part of being stylish and well coordinated, but some people revel in the deliberately clashing, or wear things that don't go simply because one of the items is of too much sentimental value to take off, or it just simply is not their priority.

If such ways of paying attention to detail make you feel more confident in your appearance, then do them, but don't agonise too much, though - you shouldn't end feeling like you just can't get close enough to perfection to go out, however many times you re-tie your bows, whatever necklace you wear, however many times you re-do your makeup, or whatever you do your hair or whatever. Remember, nobody is perfect, and it isn't perfection you should be aiming at. If you see a photograph that looks perfect, chances are it is a) a studio set up and b) a digitally altered image - and if you get too flawless, it can actually be uncanny and inhuman (which is fine if you want to look like a living doll, a vampire or a robot, but not so good if that is not your thing). Also, some of my prettiest outfits have come together out of whatever wasn't in the laundry. Sometimes over-planning can make me, and therefore probably others, look fussy and too much like I'm in a costume or going to a specific event or in a costume.

Also remember that really fancy wardrobes take time to assemble; I mentioned this in ::this:: previous post. Sometimes it can be a while before you have a whole outfit to wear - just be patient, keep saving/sewing/thrifting, and you will have all the parts. It doesn't mean you look ugly without the whole outfit, just that you haven't got what you want yet. Of course, some things just don't work without the rest matching; for example a fancy Victorian blouse can look a bit out of place with ordinary skirts and trousers, but  if you buy things in stages you can look quite nice, and gradually become more ornate/unusual.

If you are wanting to wear something particularly fancy out (like corsets, petticoats under skirts, hooped skirts, really high platform boots, trailing skirts, wigs, fancy headdresses, etc.) then wear them at home first; some of these things are going to feel strange, perhaps slightly uncomfortable, when you first wear them, and you will, with some, need to adapt to moving slightly differently because of restricted movement, altered balance, or increased size (large skirts catching on things, knocking things over, catching antlers or headdresses on door-frames, being taller in really high boots, etc.). Until you feel 'naturalised' and comfortable in those garments. If you are doing something that radically alters your appearance, then it might take some time for you to get used to your own new appearance! This has happened when I have had radically different hair-cuts or bought wigs; re-framing my face can make it look so different that I hardly recognise myself. Again, getting used to yourself looking different in your own home can help build confidence for wearing it outside.

Once you are used to wearing things at home, wearing unusual clothes with other eccentrically dressed people can be a good stepping point. Some people are never confident to be the only unusually dressed person. I am confident enough to be different in public but on my own, yet I still feel more comfortable when there's at least one more Gothy or frilly type person with me. You might actually stand out more as a group, but you are also not having to take all the attention on your own.

Most of all, remember that there is nothing immoral about choosing to go outside looking different. There IS something immoral about trying to make others feel bad.

Yes, you WILL garner attention if you look very differently, and some people will want to ask curious questions or even photographs. If you are too busy to answer, stop for photographs, or suchlike, you are allowed to politely decline. If people are rude to you, more than likely they are looking to get a reaction, either out of some kind of sadism or because they want attention; just don't give that to them. If you are upset (and sometimes even I get upset when people are rude, especially if I am having a bad day anyway) don't show it to them. Go somewhere else, somewhere you feel comfortable, talk to someone about the negative experience (I personally rant to my other Gothy friends, who have had similar experiences), and do something that cheers you up (for me, I like sitting quietly somewhere green, so I will go sit in the park, or the meadow, or take a walk in the woods if I am really upset about anything.). 

Also, if you get a proper compliment (at least one that's not obviously a backhanded insult, sarcastic, or a patronising attempt to humour you - yes, I'm a suspicious person.), take note of it. I get more compliments than insults. It's a really nice feeling to get a genuine (or at least hopefully genuine compliment) from a stranger, and sometimes I get more lengthy positive interactions based initially on my outfits. Personally, if another alternative type compliments me, I am especially happy, because I think it is more likely that they're genuinely being nice or curious and less likely to be treating me like an interactive zoo animal, and because I like getting a compliment from people who share my tastes to some degree; I feel that it means I am doing a good job of working within that style.

With more neutral responses, I notice that sometimes people stare and do more discrete things like mutter to their friends, but as I can't tell whether that is positive or negative, and isn't really impacting on me, I ignore it. I am also not the best at reading people unless I am paying very good attention to them, and still have trouble even then, so I am also oblivious to a lot of more subtle and private reactions.

The public reaction to you will be different depending on the local demographics. Since I moved to Scotland, my compliment to insult ratio has been pretty good - I get a lot more people telling me I look nice, especially older people! I think because I prefer an anachronistic style that is inspired by funereal elegance rather than a punky style with ripped fishnets and revealing clothes (although I do wear those on occasion) that older women of a more conservative background like what I am wearing as it is feminine, modest, elegant, detailed, etc. If I am wearing fishnets and platform boots and a really short skirt or hotpants, with lots of spikes, I generally get more advances from men (and sometimes women), but fewer compliments that aren't the opening to flirtation. Oddly enough, when I have been in major cities in southern English cities, the number of insults (usually from gangs of teenage boys, young men and drunks) was much higher than the number of compliments, despite Goths being far more prevalent. There are some places where it can be downright dangerous to stand out too much, and especially to wear certain clothes - take care in areas you know to be less than safe, and tone it down if you have to. Yes, bad things can happen anywhere, but some places do harbour greater risks than others.

Lastly, in the case of extended interaction, some people have certain prejudices about various subcultures - I am talking about "Goth girls are easy sluts" and "Goths are all Satanists and devil-worshippers" and "Goths are suicidal or homicidal lunatics" and "Goths think they are vampires" other misinformed and dangerous rubbish. If you join a subculture and wear that subculture's signifiers in public, be aware that there are prejudices, and people may act on them. Try to politely correct misinformation, don't play into the negative stereotypes, and generally, be polite and sensible. Sadly, there will be times when even if you are the nicest person, others will react badly on the grounds of things they think they know about 'your kind'. That sort of thing is highly situational, but read through the experiences of others, sites like Gothic Charm School, and try to handle things in as calm and rational a manner as possible, but I know that this can be hard when people are being really horrible and irrational to you. 

Generally though, if you are a polite and sensible person, people will judge you on your actions rather than your appearances, although they may still be a tad nervous and scrutinise you more closely. Often, if you give a good impression and are polite and friendly, they will realise that their misgivings were unfounded.

Basically, there are four main points to being confident in alternative clothes in public: 
✯You are the ultimate judge of whether or not you look nice, not others. 

✯If you feel comfortable in your clothes, you will come over better. Get used to things in your own space if you need to first. 

✯Reactions vary between places - a good indication of how they are more about the person reacting than the person being reacted to!

✯There is nothing immoral or wrong about different. 

Go out there beautiful! Wear whatever you want to wear - whether you want to be a Sweet Lolita or the darkest Goth, do it. Sometimes confidence takes time to build, but it is worth it.

Romanticism, Mysticism and Witchcraft

As I may have mentioned before, I am Neo-Pagan. For a while I was Wiccan, but these days I don't follow that path. I see my faith as more of a spiritual extension of my Romantic outlook than as religion, and the two are certainly intertwined in my thinking. First and foremost I am a pantheist with a strong regard for what I see as the intrinsic divinity of the Universe. I am not the sort to anthropomorphise my view of the divine - I don't believe in the personifications of the divine as various Gods and Goddesses, nor as a humanoid single God. To me the Earth, the sky, the sun, the moon the vastness of space - the universe, really - ARE God. To me the Divine is intrinsic, immanent, omnipresent in a literal way, not some transcendental being. 

The rocks providing a natural wall. Craig Phadrig, Inverness

I am not entirely sure on the consciousness of the Divine - the idea of one set of monolithic governing thought seems strange to me. I prefer the idea of the Universe being conscious of itself through its denizens rather than having its own separate consciousness. I think this belief in a sanctity of everything rather than a 'spirit' of everything is what differentiates me from an animist. 

Looking ponderous in the late evening.

These days I do still celebrate the eight major Neo-Pagan holidays, but I don't do so as a group. Sometimes I celebrate with a few friends, but I am not part of a Coven or anything similar. I go to the Pagan moots when I can though. To me, faith is mostly a private thing, which is why I am not really writing about it in any depth here. I have been asked before, so this post exists. I have never really felt the inclination to join a 'working group' or any Pagan equivalent to a Church. I'd much rather commune quietly in the forest. 

Lurking amongst the ferns.

I am not really into mythologising the world around me, hence my rejection of God and Goddess characters, and this extends into mythological creatures. While I do believe in the existence of beings that people might consider 'supernatural' and have encountered things that would commonly be termed ghosts, I don't like categorising any such encounters and experiences into the usual mythological taxonomy of angels, fae, demons and suchlike. Partly this is because I like to keep an open mind about what happened, and while I like the 'supernatural' explanations, I know I have no definitive proof of that or any other explanation, and not categorising what happened is part of how I try not pigeon-hole and look upon these experiences narrowly. 

Hiding behind a tree.

I get categorised as a Witch, but I don't like the word - it has too many fantasy-world connotations of flying brooms and turning people into frogs and talking animals and suchlike. I also don't like being called a psychic, as I am no good at 'seeing' the future or any form of pre-cognition, and am also no medium. I do practice what gets termed 'magic' or 'magick' but it is more like a prayer to the universe or or a very exacting wishing than pointing a wand and expecting pyrotechnics and miraculous instantaneous change. I have no idea how magick works, but in my experience I consistently get what I try for, so I will continue to believe in its existence. Don't try requesting spells from me - I won't do them. I know I might be wrong about the existence of magick and that a lot of people think it's hooey, but really, if it doesn't exist all I've done is waste a few moments of time and the cost of a few coloured candles that I'd have probably bought anyway because I like decorating with candles. 

Watching birds above.

The only thing that bugs me is people who assume I am a Witch because as a Romantic Goth I look a LOT like a stereotypical witch, just minus the pointy hat. I even have a lot of silver 'occult' jewellery and a black cat, and I am a walking cliche, but there are a lot of other Goths who look a lot like me who are Christians, Atheists, Agnostics, Jews, Muslims, etc. etc. and while that assumption might be right with me, the version of 'Witch' they are assuming is going to have a lot more to do with Harry Potter or Charmed than Wicca or Neo-Paganism. 

The photographs have nothing to do with me being Neo-Pagan or witchy other than I'm wandering around a forest and wearing a zodiac necklace and pentagram rings; I just wanted an excuse to use them for something. I guess in some ways they reinforce that stereotypical image of the witch - and yes, they were inspired by Morgan La Fey - but this is also a lot of just how I am and how I look like on a day-to-day basis; I wear that medieval-fantasy dress as a summer dress, that is my favourite wig and I love wearing lots of jewellery. Yes, I do like the aesthetic of the stereotypical witches and sorceresses, that fantasy archetype that gets oft recycled, but that's more part of me being Goth than of me being a Witch. I know more earthy nature-loving Hippy Witches than Goth ones, and I know as many male Witches as female, too. 

All photographs are by Raven, although he doesn't think they are his best. The low light levels were tricky, but trying to do this shoot was an educational experience. Spooky colour-changes and other such post-production was done by me as an exercise in being more artistic with Photoshop. 

Inverness Castle

Another architectural instalment for Photographic Friday!

Inverness Castle from across the river.

As far as castles go, Inverness Castle building is quite young. It's 19thC, built just before Queen Victoria ascended to the throne. There has been a castle on that site for centuries, though. The current castle was built as a police-station, prison and court, and to this day it is the Sherif's Court. I actually got summoned for jury duty to the Castle, and while it has been decorated with the plainness of most municipal buildings for the most part, the courtrooms themselves do have a level of Gothic grandeur. The castle is built in the Scottish Baronial style, and has quite a few pointless turrets, towers and suchlike. It was never built defensively, as the false arrow-slits and large windows attest. It's weird to think of a castle as a functional building rather than as a relic from a former age or a ruin, because virtually every castle I have visited has been either used as a museum or been ruined. 

Another of the photographs from across the River Ness

I have tried photographing the Castle on numerous occasions since I moved to Scotland, but Inverness Castle is strangely resistant to photography. Part of it is because it is only really visible in full from the opposite bank of the river, and many photographs of the castle end up being taken from the same few vantage points on that bank, and thus seem practically identical except for the weather conditions, lighting and cropping. I have, actually, taken two full views of the castle from the North bank of the Ness, but I have also tried to photograph the castle from a wider variety of angles. 

From the car-park up the brae.

For the photograph above I walked up above the castle, higher up the hill, and took a photograph of the most prominent towers against the hills behind. The light was perfect to separate it from the surrounding landscape, and I think this is one of the best photographs of the Castle that I have taken so far. The last thing I want is to be derivative, but there are a finite number of good vantage points from which to photograph the castle. This picture appears to be from a new one, because so far I have not seen one quite like it. Perhaps some people think that the ducts and pipes on the roof ruin it somewhat, but to me, at least, seeing how things work is interesting. My only wish is that there had been a few more clouds in the sky that day, rather than just the hazy gradient that is almost invisible once the image was turned from colour to shades of grey.

A sense of verticality. 

This photograph was taken from Castle Wynd, up behind Inverness Museum, on the steps that head down to the riverside behind the shops and offices. The composition is a bit unorthodox, and it was an attempt to emphasise the sense of height and massiveness in a building that is spread over quite a horizontal space and can therefore seem smaller in height than it actually is. I also wanted to focus on the unusual and irregular roofline. I debated having all the 'vertical' lines converge centrally, but then went for everything being at a slant - this may not have been as good a compositional idea as I thought it was.

Finally, the standard touristic image of the castle, in full colour. I figured that with the black and white images it seems that the castle is grey, but in fact it is a sandy reddish-brown colour. Also, I wanted to prove that Inverness does indeed get blue skies once in a while! This late afternoon image may seem warm, but it was actually one of those cold but clear Scottish days that is deceptively bright, and actually quite chilly. 

I hope you enjoyed this blog instalment. I am quite the fan of castles in various styles of architecture (although I prefer the older ones actually built as fortifications) and so trying to take good photographs of the castle in Inverness is an enjoyable ongoing challenge for me. At some point in the future I will probably post about the castle again, hopefully with better photographs as I learn to improve my architectural photography skills. 

Makeup Tutorial: Date Night

I figure ivory is a good counterpoint to black... 

This was going to a bit earlier in the month, on Valentine's day, to be precise, but it wasn't ready. This is a makeup tutorial recreating the makeup design I wore to the dinner date with Raven that we had to celebrate three years of us being together, earlier on this month! As I wore a ruffled satin blouse and floor-length skirt, and my curly black wig, I wanted something to break up pillar of black effect, so opted for ivory lace gloves and pearls, and thus consequently, ivory eye-makeup. 

Photographs by SuzyBugs
My hand looks awkward because my thumb nail is actually bandaged.

I didn't get chance to photograph my makeup on the actual night, but decided that it definitely needed a step-by-step so recreated it a bit later. You might notice that it is decidedly similar to my last makeup tutorial, and this would be right, but this is my preferred style - asymmetric with swirls only on one side. Many thanks to SuzyBugs for photographing me (and I'm not even a spider!).

On to the tutorial itself!

Neatly plucked eyebrow and moisturised and primed skin.

Preparation
As always, it is important to start by preparing your face. First of all, wash your face, then carefully pluck your eyebrows and any extraneous facial hair (I find that this is less uncomfortable after I've washed). Moisturise your skin. Once this is done, apply a good toner. After that, a good primer is essential - go for a very lightly coloured translucent primer. Once the primer has dried, apply concealer. If you don't wait, the concealer is thinned by the primer and does not conceal very well. The three brown moles on my cheek don't conceal very well as they are slightly raised, so I don't bother, personally I think leaving them gives me character as most of the time I am not aiming for a doll-like look. 

Foundation
I used a very light amount of foundation, thickest over my nose and on my face either side of my nose, where I tend to be the pinkest. I then set the foundation with a porcelain-coloured powder, and a light dusting of matte white on my cheekbones, forehead and nose as a highlight. My nose has a tendency towards pinkness and I work to counteract this.

I use Rimmel Kohl pencil; these are my favourite.

Kohl
Starting in the middle, under my lower lashes, and working towards the outer corners I drew in my eyeliner with a soft kohl pencil. I used soft kohl because it goes on quite dark and can be blended outwards with a brush for a smokey effect. I did indeed blend it outwards with a brush, and added a light amount of black eye-shadow as a powder to set it afterwards. I did not do anything to my upper eyelids as working in off-whites and white means that I need to add anything black afterwards to avoid the white getting mucky.

White on the waterline makes my eye look larger.

White Waterline
I added white to the lower waterline to help give me the illusion of larger eyes. This is done carefully with a white eye pencil. I also add just a little bit to the inner corner of my eye, where it meets my nose, to help give me the illusion of a slightly narrower nose or slightly further apart eyes (depending on which way you see it), and to contrast nicely with the black eyeliner I applied later.

Cream eyeshadow near the inner corner, white towards the outer.

Eyeshadow
This is was relatively simple and I only used two colours - a matte creamy off-white and white with a very slight amount of shimmer. Before I got that far, I primed my eyelids, as I wanted a dense colour that would last. You can get special eye-makeup primers, but I use my regular primer with no issues. I used an eye-shadow sponge (the kind with the nice long handle, like a brush) and started with the cream colour, working from the inside corner of my eyelid to the middle, and patting it on rather than sweeping in order to keep it dense, then I used the white eye-shadow from the outer corner inwards to the middle and carefully blended them, trying not make them patchy in the process. I then took a small fluffy brush and added a dusting of the cream eyeshadow out along my brow bone and out to my temples. At this point it is done symmetrically, but once I decide which side the swirls will go on, I add slightly more to that side in order to give a nice contrasting creamy base for the black swirls.

Eyeliner
I use a dip eyeliner with a fine brush tip to first of all line my upper lid, then draw narrow 'cat-eye' tails at each outer corner. The eye-lining is decidedly wider towards the outer corner. I draw a very narrow line on my lower lids, coming down slightly as I approach the inner corner in order to add to the illusion of larger eyes. 

Still needs more swirls...

Swirls
At this point I pick which side will have swirls, add a touch more cream eyeshadow, and draw the swirls on. The brush tip is what allows for the calligraphy-like variation in line thickness and clean swirls. My skin is not as smooth as it once was, and I do sometimes have to go back and touch up any patchy sections. One thing I have to make sure of in the preparation stage is that there are no fine, almost invisible hairs on my temples, because if eye-liner gets on them, they become instantly very visible! Swirls are tricky, but it just takes practice. Doing them with either a gel or liquid eyeliner and brush or a brush-tipped eyeliner makes them so much easier. I tend to go for finer, more intricate swirls, but Adora BatBrat often does good examples of what can be done with bolder strokes. 

I added a couple more swirls in...

Mascara
Mascara is the last step. As you may have seen in the photos above, I am lucky enough to have fairly long and curly lashes anyway, so do not curl them, but if you want to, you can.

As before, yes, I do have naturally grey eyes, and they are not contact lenses. If you look at all my photographs you will see that I do indeed have grey eyes, but in this set the lighting makes them seem slightly darker than normal.