Contemplating Going Back To Black

I am still in love with my (as of yesterday, very bright) green hair, even if the upkeep can get annoying at times, but sometimes I miss my black hair.  I have curly black wig, but I'm thinking of buying a long straight black one with a style similar to these photos (not necessarily with the mini 'pig-tail' style).  I feel that fringes (bangs, to those who use American English) generally suit me quite well and are easier to style than swept across styles. I currently have a swept across style, and I'm never quite happy with it, whatever I do with it. 

DIY haircut and mini-pig-tails.

It is also considerably easier to co-ordinate black hair with pretty much any secondary accessory colour - green hair limits my style options to either all black (which is not really a problem as that is what I mostly wear) or a colour that compliments green, which rules out wearing a lot of my red garments without a wig, including a rather gorgeous HellBunny dress that I actually bought new (a rarity for me) and is certainly one for special occasions such as dates with Raven! I have actually quite a few red and black or red garments, despite most of my wardrobe being black. 

DIY haircut with hair left flowing.

I will probably go with the option of wigs, because wigs just add to options - some can be highly naturalistic, and I can have a different style with every different wig, and with the option also of styling the wigs. I can also still have brightly coloured dyed hair most of the time. In not being able to use permanent black dyes, I have re-discovered semi-permanent coloured dyes, to which I do not have the same itchy allergic reaction. 

A bit dry and straggly looking, but with flowers.

While I do have a curly wig already, the ends are getting frizzy (something I really need help with reviving) and the style is only really suitable for Classic-inspired Gothic and Kuro Lolita or similar  outfits. A fringe and straight long hair is a very versatile style that goes with a broad variety of Gothic styles, so would be far more frequently worn than the curly wig. I do like the curly wig, and I deliberately took the selfies below in a soft style because it reminded me of Edwardian and later cosmetics adverts with the lovely watercolour paintings of the women with curly hair. The face shapes considered beautiful then seem rounder and slightly softer than the women in many modern adverts who now tend to have more angular faces with prominent cheek-bones. 

The curly wig. Late afternoon photos are much warmer!

Wigs, however, are expensive (well, good quality wigs are) and I have greater financial considerations at the moment, as I have several known expenses ahead, and a few of unknown magnitude. I can't divulge too much right now, but come the autumn, my life may change very drastically - hopefully in a positive way - and I need to prepare for that, and therefore buying a wig is not my priority. Also, the weather tends to be quite warm in the summer, even in Scotland, and wigs can be quite itchy and sweaty on a hot day, especially with my natural hair underneath acting as an insulator. As such, I will have to delay my purchasing a wig for the time being. 

Friday 13th, Full Moon and Skulls

For what is probably one of the most Gothic dates in the calendar, I am show casing one of the most Gothic paintings I've done. 

Raven took a photo because I lost my camera

It's an amethyst-coloured crystalline vampire skull on a black background with a black frame - pretty cliché!

As I mentioned in my last blog post, I have not been very well lately. While I was at home ill the weekend after my last post, I did this painting. I actually started it a couple weeks before, at the art club I attended, but it was just a roughly realised sketch in purple over white with the black background blocked in and the forms of the skull pretty much drawn, but with no real detail, depth or finish. As I was too ill to really do much at all, especially not anything particularly active, and I was struggling to sleep at night or during the day due to how much I was woken by my own coughing, I had to find something to occupy my time. As this was a small painting done on board with no need for an easel and not requiring much space, this was the perfect project to do wrapped up warmly in the living-room - no need to move much, I could sit on my over-sized cushion or the couch, and it required little physical activity. The painting needed to dry between stages, giving me time to nap during the day, too.

I saw the doctor on the Friday and it turns out that I had sinusitis yet again and I ended up on a course of antibiotics. I'm still very mildly congested, but I'm thoroughly functioning. Anyway, back on Monday I was at work again, if still not well, as I was well enough to function. As such, I was in town, so I took the painting in to the framers. I collected the painting again this Friday. On the bus back from town, the painting garnered quite a bit of interest from two passengers - one who was totally fascinated by it, and offered to buy it, but sadly not at a price that covered the expense of framing, let alone my time. If he had offered me more, I would have sold it to him there and then!

I don't often sell my paintings, and this picture was intended as a mere exercise in practising acrylic painting as it is something I had not done in a while and something I felt rather rusty at. It's not a piece with any great meaning, it's just a painting of a crystalline or glass skull with elongated teeth and distorted proportions to be that of a vampire. It was done completely freehand without a reference, and while the proportions are deliberately not correct for a human skull, I think it stands fairly well to show that I have drawn possibly a few too many skulls in my time! 

The reason that I am wanting to sell it is two-fold - one is that my bicycle is in need of repairs and I am trying to raise the cash to pay for it, and the other is that I have a limited amount of picture hooks (due to the rental agreement) and a limited amount of storage space (due to the size of the flat) and think that while it is certainly the kind of art that I would display in my home, in this case I feel that if I keep it, it is liable to be damaged in storage and it is certainly the kind of subject matter I could easily paint again. I am actually having a bit of a clear-out as Raven and I may be moving again in the near future, and having fewer things means less to pack and move, and it is also an opportunity to assess what I really want to keep, and what is clutter. I don't think this painting is clutter by any means, but I don't want to hold on to something I am likely to damage, and I need the money. 

Red hair, Black Dress, Green Meadow

I sadly have but the one offering for red and black week - this Gothic Lolita outfit. It's a photo from a couple of months back. 

Currently I am ill again; I have had bad luck this year with illnesses! 

I have frequent headaches from what I presume is sinus problems, and I am very congested indeed and rather under the weather. I've also developed a rather unpleasant cough. I am off to the doctor tomorrow as today is my 8th day of being ill with what started as a sore throat and then seemed to move upwards into the rest of my head. 

While I have been in to work up until this morning, I was coughing and spluttering continuously, have lost my voice and can barely concentrate with the headaches. I made sure I stayed until I had sorted all tasks so I wouldn't leave anything for others to do in my absence and requested to go home sick. The over-the counter medication is having little effect, not even the nasal spray specifically designed for sinus and mucus problems. Right now, I am tucked up in bed with hot drinks. Even though I slept badly last night and the night before (and the night before, etc.) I can't manage to sleep today, so I am alleviating the tedium of recuperation with updating my blog. I am in no position to do more than display an old photo, and have been too unwell to prepare anything in the last few days. Next year I will try and have more done in advance.

The photograph is by ::Chance Photography:: and the location is the meadow near my apartment. The weather was being typically Scottish, with a grey but surprisingly bright sky and cold, damp air. I was photographed in the same meadow a while back for a previous Red and Black Week post (::here::) wearing a different red wig - that one I eventually decided to straighten as the fibres had kinked and become damaged with frequent wear and it was easier to keep them in check on a straight wig than a curled one. The wig in this photo is a Lockshop wig and the fibres seem far more durable and the curls have remained very well. 

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As this is primarily a fashion post and not actually JUST a rant about my being ill, here is the outfit run-down:

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Hair flowers: off-brand, various including H&M, Claire's and Poundland

Wig: Lockshop ✯ Blouse: Tesco ✯ Dress (JSK): Baby, The Stars Shine Bright

Tights: off-brand, probably Tesco ✯ Shoes: T.U.K.

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It is certainly not the fanciest Lolita outfit, but I am quite pleased with it. I am quite tall, so the skirt of the dress comes to just above my knee rather than ending at the knee itself, but I am not really fussed that it is on the edge of breaking "the rules" as I rather like this outfit irrespective of how Lolita it is. I am more interested in feeling pretty than making sure I adhere completely to the Lolita template. 

The shoes in this photo are my first pair of "Lolita" style shoes. I have replaced the skulls with a matching set as the shoes were secondhand and the previous owner had lost some of the original skulls. The construction of these shoes does not appear to be of very high quality as I have had to re-attach all of the decorative bows at some point (none seemed sewn securely) and one of the straps snapped. I am, however, quite good at mending things so this has not been a huge bother, and while I have not owned them long, I am not sure how much the were worn by the previous owner.

My favourite thing about this outfit is how with such a dark colour-scheme for the majority of the photo, the red of the wig stands out really well even though it's actually not that vivid. I know it looks quite bright in some photographs as it tends to look quite plastic under bright flash, but this photograph is probably most representative of how it looks in real life. 

Colour And Goth

There's a myth that all Goths are allowed to wear is black, maybe a little white or grey, but strictly a greyscale palette.

Green and purple; definitely two colours here!

This is completely untrue. Goths can wear colours.

I am sure that most experienced Goths know this, but I want to both reassure the younger and newer Goths, and dispel a common misconception.

Yes, black is the primary feature of our aesthetic just look at this blog layout!), but there's plenty of room for adding different colours into the mix. I do primarily wear black, but I personally love using accents of colour. I think all the black as a background means that I have to use stronger colours and designs to come forwards from such a strong but neutral background as black. I can thank Odile Decq, the French architect and designer, talking about her design for the Museum of Contemporary Art in Rome for making me think about this. Look her up on the internet; she is a fascinating and brilliant designer of multitudinous things from knives to buildings, and by appearances, I would guess a traditional style Goth, too! As such, when I wear colours with my black, it is in strong and bold designs, such as the dramatic eye make-up or the absolutely gorgeous purple and black "marching band" style jacket by Dark Star. I never go for mediocre or dull items - I go  for rich jewel tones and clothes with interesting designs. 

Hopefully the purple in my jacket is visible in this one.

I think contrast is the key to wearing colours with mostly black; to me it is far more striking if someone wears one or two bold colours with a mostly black outfit than if one wears equally dark or muted shades. Of course, layers of deep colours and darkness have their own appeal, too. I tend to wear usually only one colour with my black, usually dictated by my hair or wig colour. Combining two bold colours like in this outfit and make-up is actually quite an uncommon thing for me. I also like to match my accent colour so that I use the same shade throughout, as I feel that this co-ordinates and brings a sense of cohesion to the outfit. 

Grumpy Goth!
Actually, just trying not to smudge my lipstick.

Any colour can be worn with black, and I have no intentions of limiting anybody's fashion choices, but it is more traditionally Gothic to choose from purple (for magic and mystery) or red (for blood and passion). I have, however, seen pretty much every colour paired with black. To me each colour has its own association: blue brings associations of the night sky, neon green of the "radiation glow", emerald green of snakes and dragons, gold of Ancient Egypt, coppers and browns of Steampunk, pastel pink of the "creepy-cute" style, etc. It is rarer for colours to be worn without black, but I have seen some gorgeously Gothic (if not always necessarily Goth) outfits in almost completely red, white and purple - if there's any black at all, it is as an accent, and in some cases silver or white are used as the accent instead. It is not about the black, it is about the sort of aesthetic and associations portrayed. Silver and white on its own can look very ghostly, red on its own is good for portraying styles with links to vampires, carnal passions, and blood (with vampires being a combination of the latter two, in many ways). 

I am indeed wearing glitter with my Goth, too!

There are plenty of ways to combine colours into a Goth wardrobe and Gothic aesthetic. If you are looking for inspiration, just search the internet; there are plenty of beautifully styled Goths who often incorporate colours into their appearance without diminishing their "Gothness". Have fun, add some richness to the dark! 

Green Hair

My hair is green, one of my favourite colours, second after purple. 

It's even brighter in real life.

In fact, it has been since just before the Easter break. It started off quite bright green and has since been toned down to a darker green for work. Right now it is bright green again, but I am part way through the dyeing process and it will be getting a coat of UV turquoise dye (Stargazer) which will mute and cool the colours somewhat. 

It takes bleaching it twice and layering the colours to get them how I like. My fringe has blue tips that I can't bleach out from when I had violet hair, which gives my hair sort of a gradient to blue in places. The colours I usually use are Pine Green by Renbow Crazy Colours, Apple Green by Directions and usually Tropical Green by Stargazer but this time I am using the UV dye because I am going clubbing on Friday and I want hair that will be a bit special under the UV lights (black-lights). 

Terrible lighting and bad flash - webcam photo.
Even with the harsh flash, it should be clear that it's a lot darker.

I have an older photo of my hair the last time it was darker green, to show what it is supposed to be like. It has since been cut again so that it is a bit more practical as it was growing out to be long enough to get in my eyes and be a bother. 

Birthday Party!

It was my birthday recently, but I'm not saying how recently, or how old I am.

It's irrelevant how old I am; we creatures of the night don't age! :P

Anyway, as there is no such thing as being too old to have fun and because we always want an excuse to be fancy, I had a dark fantasy themed birthday party that ended up leaning to a theme of "vampires". It was not so much a dressing up party as an excuse to wear our fanciest clothes with a little bit of a nod to the theme through accessories and makeup. 

J. giving his approval.

It was a small gathering; there was Shaun who isn't in any of the photos because he took them, Raven (of course) who looking somewhere between an anachronistic gentleman and a vampire (no surprises there!), J. who came as in post-apocalyptic fashion, with deconstructed trousers, goggles and a mask, Suzy_Bugs, who wore a long medieval-inspired dress with spider-web jewellery and a glittery, witchy mini-hat (but is shy about a photograph of herself in a dress being displayed publicly), M. who is usually a sweet Lolita and brought elements of that aesthetic to an outfit with a broken doll theme, K. who came with masquerade mask and claok and Brian who also came in elegant aristocratic finery. 

Coffin cake by Raven

Raven made me a coffin birthday cake, presents and cards were exchanged, copious amounts of biscuits, Gothic cupcakes and crisps were consumed, much chatting was done and a good time was had by all. I didn't want a large party as I am not socially comfortable in a large group, and I am not the sort to go out for a birthday drinking session, so I was very happy with a tea-and-biscuits gathering of good friends in my apartment, and a lot of fancy outfits. I appreciate any excuse for corsetry - not that I need an excuse!

My party wasn't actually held on the day of my birthday as Raven was working that day, and it didn't seem right to organise a party that my partner couldn't attend. On the evening of my actual birthday, Raven took me out for dinner to a nice restaurant, which was very sweet and generous of him. 

We might be a bunch of theoretically grown-up (mostly) Goths who really ought to know better, but we had too much fun being very silly! If you are how old you feel you are, on some occasions I am about 12! And Raven, who is supposed to be older and more sensible than me is the one making bunny-rabbit ears behind my head in the first photograph. It was nice to have an opportunity for everyone to put on their finery, too, as there are not many such opportunities in the local area - I really must get about organising more tea-parties and meet ups!

Raven and I being vampiric.
That corset does wonders for my bust!

Raven put a lot of effort into getting everything ready, especially the food and the coffin cake. His efforts were much appreciated. I had a wonderful time and I hope my guests enjoyed themselves as much as I did.

All photographs were taken by Shaun - many thanks to him for bringing his camera! Small photographs are thumbnails; clicking on them will let you view them in a scrolling gallery. 

What Does Goth Mean To Me

Goth has been my sanctuary, my bridge connecting me to others, and is something I love being a part of. 

I've already written a post about how I define Goth ::here:: - this isn't about that, this is about how Goth has been a positive influence on my life, and why I love being part of the subculture. I'm posting this today as today is World Goth Day which seems like the perfect day for an article like this. One of my friends on FaceBook asked me this question, and I think it's a really good one, but also one I can answer in quite a bit of depth. Be warned: wordiness ahead!

One thing that is probably obvious is that I am hugely passionate about the Goth subculture and the broader Gothic aesthetic. I run this blog, run one group and participate in several online communities, organise tea parties within the local scene, try to attended every event in a four-hour travel radius (and fail when I need to be in three places at once) and am working on a Secret Gothic Plan (or three) that I will only unveil when complete. I dress Goth every day - even my work clothes have a Goth or Gothic edge even if it's very toned down - and everything from my home decor to my work-out music has been touched by the Gothic aesthetic whether musically or visually or whatnot. I'm currently burning some incense called "Vampire's Blood" so my apartment even smells Gothic! :P  Most of my interests are dark, macabre or somehow tie in with the subculture. I am pretty much a "lifestyle" Goth, down to graveyard picnics and structuring holidays around what ruined castles I can visit.

I don't think this makes me a better Goth than someone that only participates in a few online groups, or only listens to Goth music sometimes, or doesn't get to dress Goth most of the time - just one with more opportunities to express myself, and perhaps a slightly more enthusiastic one. 

Goth means an awful lot to me for a lot of reasons. I am passionate about my subculture because I am driven to give back to an entity to which I feel indebted for how it has bettered and enriched my existence. 

The subculture has been the first group into which I feel I have been accepted. Within the Goth subculture I have found other people with similar interests to me, and people who are very accepting of differences too. I have found people who genuinely understand me. In Goth I have found a group who rather than being freaked out by my "creepy" interests or laughing at my "outdated" tastes in music, or prejudiced against my "occult" spirituality accept these things and actually think such things are interesting too. Other Goths will have actual conversations about the history and social context of vampire mythology or about how the style of architecture termed as "Gothic" is actually an umbrella for quite a few stylistic variances and centuries of building, or even something like whether Patricia Morrison or Siouxsie Sioux had the cooler hair!

For reasons I would rather not go into on my public blog, I have always had trouble with socialising and being "normal" in many ways, and I have my quirks in terms of personality and in terms of how I think and am, and whereas many mainstream people treat me like I am stupid or insane for my innate eccentricities, within the Goth subculture people have been far more accommodating and accepting of how I am different. Within the Goth subculture I have finally felt like I am no longer an outcast - and as someone who was severely bullied and ostracised by their peers through out their school years, that meant a the whole world to me as a teen when I was first getting into the scene.

Spotting another Goth is a good way of spotting someone I will probably have at least one thing in common with beyond simply being in the same place, and while not all Goths have the same interests or compatible personalities, it has been a good way for me to find like-minded individuals, many of whom have become very good friends indeed. I am also not the best at striking up conversations, least of all with strangers, and it has been a blessing in making it easier for me to actually talk to someone, knowing that they probably won't freak out at how I look and probably has a few things in common with. It can't magically improve my social skills, but it does improve my confidence. 

I have made so many good friends within the subculture - I'm sure most of my best friends I met either at Goth events or through just bumping into someone with a similar dress sense and getting chatting. Many of the friends I made at college and school are folk who were good friends while we were studying together, but we left we have drifted apart. I'm still friends with my Goth friends from England even since crossing the border, and some of my Internet-based friendships are across thousands of miles with people I will probably never be able to afford to meet -in Canada, America and Australia- but we're still good friends. 

I also owe meeting Raven in part to my Goth and Gothic interests - one of the things that brought me and Kate B together was a mutual fondness for the dark, creepy and Gothic (even though we initially met through mutual geekdom) and if I had not become friends with her, she would never have introduced me to Raven, who himself is partly Goth (although mostly a Metalhead and Industrial fan - I'm a firm believer that you can be fan of more than one genre at once, and certainly participate in several related subcultures) and I'm sure that sharing a love of the macabre has strengthened our relationship - we go clubbing together, we watch supernatural and Gothic horror movies together, we borrow each others' black nail polish and half the time I'm wearing either one of his coats or something, and he appreciates being given the darkest roses I can find, or a resin skull to decorate his side table, or whatnot. 

Goth is something I got into as a very troubled teen going through a lot of confusing and painful experiences. It gave me a subculture in which I could find sanctuary and acceptance, and helped me forge an outlook on life that sees the beauty in the darkness, and has helped me to see times of suffering as something to learn from and transform into creative out-put rather than as something to overwhelm me. Since then my circumstances have much improved, and like most people, I have come to know myself better and have resolved things like figuring out my sexuality, knowing what I want to do in life, dealing with the complex issues within my family and accepting a lot of who I am. I no longer have the same worries, the same problems with bullying and boarding school, the same problems at home, the same mental health problems, etc. so I don't need that safe haven as much as I once did, but I am glad that it has always been there for me. 

Within Goth it is more acceptable to acknowledge and express the darker emotions, and the response I got was mostly supportive. Certainly there were those who dismissed me as a histrionic teen full of melodramatic angst, but for the most part people were non-judgemental and prepared to listen. People outside the subculture often say that Goth is depressing, but I think it contributed in improving my mental health and making me a generally happier person. I still struggle with depression, and it is probably something that will recur throughout my life, but I am by no means in as dark and horrible mental place as I was as a teenager and have not had any episodes as dark as that in the years between then and now. 

One of the central themes of much Goth and Gothic art is acknowledging the darkness and facing what lies within it rather than running away. I think that attitude, both to my personal problems and to life itself, has really helped me be a more grounded person. Life has its troubles and strife, but trying very hard to push it all away eventually becomes counter-productive, and problems are best solved by facing them. Reality may often suck, but it is the only reality we have, and to best cope with it and to best see its brilliance as well as what it can inflict on us, we have to appreciate it in its entirety. 

Goth also helped me out of that very dark time by showing me replacements to the thoroughly dysfunctional methods I used to try and keep my inner turmoil at bay. The two most prominent things I can think of are almost teenage angsty Goth stereotypes, but I can honestly say they actually helped. 

I learnt to use my (very badly written) poetry as a vent rather than keep things pent up - it was work I would never share, and certainly had little literary merit, but the act of trying to express myself through words and metaphor helped me to better understand my own emotions and think about whatever problem was at hand in a less anxiety producing way. In writing plenty of bad poems, and reading plenty of good ones, I also slowly learnt to write better poetry and to write poetry for more than just to vent emotions. I was not trying to be as dark as possible, or write genre poems, I was just trying to turn the complex mess of emotions and thoughts in my head into something more concrete and understandable, and it worked. 

Much of the music I listened to was very helpful, too, even if that is a complete cliche and even if my first 'dark' bands and music was not actually Goth, just often thought of as Goth by those who do not know it as a musical genre, like Marilyn Manson, Evanescence and Nightwish. It meant something to me that other people felt their own pains and wrote songs about it, rather than hiding it and pretending to be happy, and while those musicians are often dismissed as the stuff for babybats or just plain not part of the subculture, they're part of my history of becoming Goth, and they are something that really helped me get through some tough times, and inspired me to write my own songs - another creative process that helped untangle the chaos. Since then I fell in love with actual Goth, Post-Punk and Darkwave stuff (and a good bit of French Coldwave) as my regular readers will know. 

I believe that my life would have taken a much more negative path out of my teens if I had not become a Goth, and for that I feel hugely grateful that the subculture exists and that all those good people were within it. Goth has also been a useful umbrella for all the interests that draw me in - I am sure I would still love vampires, historical architecture, macabre artwork and suchlike if the music scene of the late '70s and early '80s had not coalesced into the subculture we know today, but the subculture's existence has given me a framework for those interests, and an easy way of finding those that share them. I have discovered so many things that I have come to love through the subculture, and met so many brilliant, accepting and supportive people. Goth changed my life for the better. Yes, humans are inherently variable and my experience has not been a completely good one, but I feel that the overall contribution has been vastly positive. Some people grow out of the subculture, but over the last decade or more I have grown into it, and long may I continue to be part of it. 

World Goth Day website is ::here:: and all the W.G.D. artwork and graphics were produced by DJ Cruel Britannia and are available to share to promote W.G.D on their website.