My personal blog as a 'grown-up' Goth and Romantic living in the Highlands of Scotland. I write about the places I go, the things I see and my thoughts on life as a Goth and the subculture, and things in the broader realm of the Gothic and darkly Romantic. Sometimes I write about music I like and sometimes I review things. This blog often includes architectural photography, graveyards and other images from the darker side of life.

Goth is not just about imitating each other, it is a creative movement and subculture that grew out of post-punk and is based on seeing beauty in the dark places of the world, the expression of that in Goth rock. It looks back to the various ways throughout history in which people have confronted and explored the macabre, the dark and the taboo, and as such I'm going to post about more than the just the standards of the subculture (Siouxsie, Sisters of Mercy, Bauhaus, et al) and look at things by people who might not consider themselves anything to do with the subculture, but have eyes for the dark places. The Gothic should not be limited by what is already within it; inspiration comes from all places, the key is to look with open eyes, listen carefully and think with an open mind..

Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Makeup Of The Day: Baroque Swirls


Since resigning from my job, I have had the opportunity to wear elaborate outfits, and even more elaborate makeup on a daily basis. Sadly, I haven't built my selfie booth/self-portrait corner yet, so there have not been plenty of 'outfit of the day' updates, unlike how I planned. Here is a particularly swirly example of my makeup from the weekend just past. I did something very similar again today, but did not have chance to photograph it. I have been working on improving my swirl-drawing skills, and working on my lipstick, too. Since I did the vampire-doll-like lipstick for ::this:: look, I have been experimenting more with blended lipstick. Using black edges around a dark colour is something that was inspired by ::Sophistique Noir::, who I remember doing something similar with red. I have used iridescent purple, and I hope the blue sheen shows up well in these photographs.


Baroque-inspired asymmetric swirls. Selfies by HouseCat 

I hope to get more posts written. I have ideas for more serious posts, but so little time. I have to prioritise university, so this blog is something I don't get much time for. When my self-portrait corner (with lights, tripod for a proper camera and suchlike) is set up, I should find it easier to take good selfies and thus have more fashion/style content for this blog.

Sunday, 27 September 2015

Half A Spectrum In My Hair

My hair is currently a bit more faded than this. The purple, which ended up being neon pink over blue as the purple dye washed out with the first wash, washed out even after being pinked, and is now a royal blue. The hair at the top ended up less neon green, and more citrus yellow. I used several different dyes, mostly Stargazer, but also a Directions dye. For the greens I used Stargazer African Green and then Stargazer UV Green for another coat over that once the African Green faded. For the turquoise I used Stargazer Tropical Green and then Stargazer UV Turquoise over it.  For the blue I used Directions Lagoon Blue and Stargazer Royal Blue. The purple at the base started off as Stargazer Plume, but was then colored over with Stargazer Magenta because it faded to blue. I had to bleach my hair twice to get it pale enough, and to get enough of the existing turquoise/verdigris dye out. The UV Green washes out really quickly, and the African Green is more permanent. I find it really hard to get any purples to stay in my hair. 

Multiclour Hair. Selfies by HouseCat

This is a very, VERY, high-maintenance thing to have done to my hair. Because of how vividly bright and light the top is, my nearly-black regrowth shows very rapidly, and the colours all wash out and muddy together. I will have to re-do all the roots at some point, and touch up all the colours, but will need to get someone to help me separate my hair where I separated the first time around, so that the colours are all over wherever I had the same colour the last time. The purple just will not stay purple! Whenever it has been freshly touched up, and when I did it originally, the colours were stunning, but it is rather hard to keep it like that. I have also bleached my hair too many times, and will need to get all the hair at the ends trimmed out where it is fried.

It was also incredibly time consuming to do. It took two goes with bleach at its longest allowable leave-in time to get my hair pale. It then took a while per colour, with each colour separated with lots of clingfilm during the curing time, and then I had to wash it all out, and then touch it all up the next day during proper daylight because I'd missed bits trying to colour it in the poor artificial light of the bathroom. I think it was approximately a day's work, just to have multicolour hair.

I did it for my friend's wedding, and I am very happy with how it looked that day. I then re-did it for the start of university, and I think knowing my hair was looking awesome really boosted my confidence on my first day. As such, it was worth it.

Will I do it again?

Maybe, maybe not. It is a LOT of work! I may just try and maintain what I have until it gets unsustainable, and then start again with a more simple variation, with fewer colours, less of a gradient. I am also thinking of having my fringe reinstated, so that will probably alter what I want to do with my hair. But for now, I will enjoy the fruits of my labours. I did gradient hair with three shades of green once before, ranging from lime green through to emerald green. That was a bit less time consuming; maybe next time I will only pick three colours.

Pictures are selfies, and I tweaked the contrast and such a wee bit (mostly to make them all consistent), then made a collage of them, in ::PicMonkey::, which is free to use, although you have to subscribe to the paid-for Royale version for stuff like better bat clip-art. 

Wednesday, 2 September 2015

Wedding Belle

Outfit of the (wedding) day (of one of my friends)


During the recent mini-hiatus, I went to Wales to visit family and attend a friend's wedding. The bride (my friend) had recently experienced some tragic losses in her family, so I didn't want to wear black to her wedding because I felt it would be inappropriately funereal, and she had requested that I be bright and be myself. Well, as much as I am a Goth, I do like colours, so I decided to put together an outfit in green and purple - my two favourite colours. I went with brocades lovely fabrics of the sorts that I love, and in styles that would express the sorts of things that I like in terms of fashion, just in colours other than black. 


Photo by Raven, taken in an alcove at the museum next to Cardiff city hall. 

The jacket is one you will probably recognise; it is one of my fancier jackets and is from DarkStar. I've had it a while, and I wear it relatively frequently. The green dress was quite hard to track down! Initially I planned on wearing a dark green Lolita dress, but tracking one down that was both in my price-range and in my size proved too difficult to do by the wedding, so instead I went in search of a vintage style dress. There were some modern vintage-styled dresses that I liked, but then I suddenly found this dress; an actual vintage dress from Austria, by Madl of Salzburg. I adore the fabric it is made from, and it is a rich emerald green with a fabulous pattern. The sleeves are puffy at the shoulders, but not hugely puffy.  I bought it on eBay for approximately £25 including shipping, which I think is a bargain! The skirt is quite long, and I think would fit a petticoat, but I don't have any of the right style and length to go with this dress, nor did I want to wear one to an August wedding! The tights are (if I remember rightly) from Primark, and the shoes were also bought on eBay. I can't remember who made them though. Cat handbag is from H&M. Raven necklace is from Restyle, but that particular style has been discontinued after with an issue with their supplier over the metals used for the alloys. 

Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Starting University, Update Schedule, And The Future

Monday was my first day at University smile emoticon I have been ridiculously happy these last two days. The more I hear about the course I am on, the happier I am. A few years ago, studying any part of the field of architecture seemed beyond me; some mysterious technical skills and art that would forever be out of my reach. I didn't think I could go to university, and I didn't think I was good enough to get in as a mature student. Now, I'm actually starting!

 I get to spend the next four years on a subject I have a huge, obsessive passion for. I can get excited about hollow tiles for cladding and their insulation/heat transfer properties, I can get excited about how a three-story atrium works visually like a cathedral nave, I can get excited about weight distribution and support in complex curves, and all these things I get to learn about how they work. All that technical, structural, practical stuff about /how buildings work/ that I find fascinating is something I actually will have as my main focus, hopefully for the rest of my days! It's amazing! I can't believe it's actually happening. I will hopefully finally get to dedicate the rest of my life to stuff that is awesome, and I've got it because I've worked for it. I'm really proud of how far I've got, and I'm fully aware of how much nose-to-the-grindstone work I have ahead of me, but I also know that if I put in the effort I will get what I want. 

A lot of stuff has stood in my way in life, I've had to deal with a pretty bad start and a lot of neurological and mental health issues, and I've had to deal with some truly awful people, but I've got past that. My friends have helped, my Dad and my sister have helped, Raven has helped, and I don't want to ignore their contribution too. There was a time when I didn't have many friends (if any), where I didn't have much at all in the way of support, where it seemed like all I had was problems on every front, and prejudices and hatred surrounded me; but I fought through that, and won my life for myself, and even better I met some super-duper people the other side. I won't be as active as I was before on my blog, but I won't be ignoring you; it's just that now that I have this opportunity, I will need to make the most of it. I didn't think this was something that would ever be accessible to me; I didn't think this would be something I would actually get to do.

 But it's real. 

And now I have to work really hard to keep it, and make everything flourish. I might not be around much for a while, but I haven't forgotten you all!

Sunday, 30 August 2015

Summer Garden Goth

An Outfit Of The Day Post


This is actually last Friday's "outfit of the day" - well, I actually wore three different outfits that day for different things; work, rest and a dinner date, but this was the one I photographed, and I think it would be a bit weird if I posted every single outfit I wear. This one was a bit a fancier, and I think it looked quite nice, so I am posting it up here. The skirt is familiar - it is my favourite skirt, from Restyle, but you will see that my hair has changed quite a bit. This outfit has obvious Gothic Lolita influence, but I wouldn't class it as actually Gothic Lolita because of the stripy tights, hair, and lack of accessories. 

I no longer have a beautiful meadow right near my apartment to be photographed in, but I now live in my own house (well, Raven's and mine) and we have our own garden. It was left untended for quite a while 0 I think the property was vacant for some time over the growing season, and now it is a bit unkempt. There are some lovely rose bushes that I really must photograph, but for the most part it is scruffy and a bit overgrown in places with weeds. There are some nice fields near where I live, but I would need to be photographed by a second person, whereas I just plonked my laptop on top of the bins and used the timer function on webcam for these. There was not much time between having to poke the laptop and it taking a picture, so getting far enough away from the laptop for my whole body to get in shot while wearing platform boots was a bit tricky, especially as I am co-ordinationally challenged at the best of times! Scampering about the garden in ridiculous boots is not exactly something I am good at. 

Selfie by HouseCat
Outfit run-down: ☠ Blouse: HellBunny ☠ Cincher: Restyle ☠ Skirt: Restyle Stripy stockings: can't remember who made them, bought them in Osiris, Glasgow ☠ Boots: TUK ☠ Gloves: Accessorise ☠ Necklace: secondhand on eBay, not sure who made it. 

It's not the best set of photographs to show my new hair-dye off (I will make a post soon just about my hair), but it is now violet underneath, then a layer of royal blue, then turquoise, then spring green on top, with gradiation. I did it myself, and it took a whole day of dyeing to get it done, and lots of bleach to get my dark, nearly-black regrowth to blonde. In the next few days, expect a proper blog post on my hair in all its rich colours. The filters I used on editing these photos washed out quite a lot of the colour. In real life, it is quite vibrant. 

Selfie by HouseCat
I wasn't wearing the most complicated make-up that day. It was just thick eyeliner with wings and points, basic foundation and some lip-gloss. I was going to work later and I did not want to spend a long time on elaborate makeup just to take it all off again! 

Selfie by HouseCat
As mentioned, these are taken on my webcam, which is not the best camera. If anything, it's somewhere about "potato quality" and both low resolution and poor at handling varied lighting. I edited them in ::PicMonkey::, which is what I edit all my selfies with. The only way these could be worse if I had taken them on my phone-cam. When I have my new house set up, I am going to mount a camera opposite a relatively blank wall so that I can have somewhere to take decent outfit of the day selfies. This blog will probably end up with more outfit posts on account that I will not have as much time to write extensively. 

Selfie by HouseCat
This outfit was something of a trial run for what I am going to wear to my induction day for University. I don't want to wear a completely fancy "vampire queen" sort of outfit, nor do I want to look too plain, because then I will feel like I am giving a false impression. I think the changes I will make are to wear a plain black blouse rather than the feather print one - something less visually cluttered - with a statement necklace. I will also swap out the striped stockings for plain black tights or over-the-knee socks, and swap the platform boots for something a bit easier to walk in. As much as I love my big platform boots, I do have quite severe dyspraxia, and wearing them out and about is impractical for me.  I have a tendency to try and pretend that wearing very high heeled footwear is a good idea and do it anyway, but it always ends badly (and often painfully). I will probably also wear more extravagant makeup, and braid my hair so that all the colours show through more. 

Saturday, 29 August 2015

My Reflection On The Oxford University Study Into Depression and Goth

A lot of newspapers yesterday were publishing articles based on ::this:: recent study in the Lancet by Dr Lucy Bowes at the Department of Experimental Psychology of the Oxford University, and her team, that saw correlation between teen depression, self-harm and Goth. The study was statistically modified to account for other upbringing/personal background data on the participants that may contribute to an increased risk of depression. 

First of all, I have a two things that, as a member of the subculture at the time these inquiries were made (and in Bristol in 2005 and 2006) and only a few years older than those being asked (so still a teen at that point, and interacting with other subcultural teens, possibly including a few of the cohort asked, with which I wish to mention about this study itself. Psychology and anthropology are not my areas of expertise, but I feel that I have well over a decade of experience of the Goth subculture and have tried my best to fully educate myself on the subculture I belong to (it is part of my obsessive tendencies to thoroughly read anything I can on whatever subject I fall in love with, whether it is cathedral architecture or the Gothic subculture). 

The big thing I was surprised at was that "Emo" and "Metal" never came up as identity categories/subcultures. Emo was much more of a big thing than it is now; it's a subculture that seems on the wane these days, but it was certainly very popular in the mid-to-late '00s, and there is also no category for "Mosher" or "Metalhead", which means that anyone identifying as those things would probably have chosen the closest category, "Goth", especially for young Emos, as there has often been confusion amongst babybats as to what is Goth, what is Emo, and to a lesser degree in terms of broader subculture, but greater degree in terms of music, what is Metalhead, because those three subcultures have a lot of overlapping features, and figuring out which subculture you identify with the most, or which combination, can be a bit complicated to begin with. Heck, when I was a babybat, I was probably closer to a metalhead/scene-kid, but mostly because I didn't really understand what Goth was, and was ignorant to its subcultural history and the broader range of things it encompasses. The age group - teens - also means that this confusion is far more likely to arise than if they asked adults (who also can be Goth, but that is another paragraph) and as such it is likely that this should be "young members of darker alternative subcultures" because I would imagine there are a quite a few in that group who might have been identifying as Goths for the purpose of the survey because they could not identify as Emo or Metal, in order to express subculture despite not having the correct named subculture. The way that the survey was conducted, in terms of being able to identify from 'strongly identify' to 'not at all' would counter that to some degree, but I do think that it would have been clearer to have these separate categories. As categories were not exclusive, those who felt they were part of more than one subculture could have identified as Goth as well as Emo, for example, so it would not have forced those who are still exploring their identity to chose. 

I have also noted a distinct difference in attitude towards negative emotions between Goth and Emo subcultures. I am no expert on Emo, nor one myself, and do not wish to tarnish them by misinterpreting what I have experienced, but what I personally have seen amongst the Emo/Scene people I have interacted with is that there seemed to be a greater tendency to glorify depression and mental ill-health, including self-harm, and a linked tendency to overly identify with the idea that a troubled soul a poet (or other creative type; I'm not being literal) makes. It is not that personal troubles do not make good fuel for the creative forge sometimes, but that I noticed this taken to extremes within Emo sometimes. Emo, by its definition, focuses on music that is Emotional Hardcore (derivative of Metal and hardcore Punk) and one that focuses on one's personal emotional turbulences, from depression and anorexia and other mental illness at one end, to the turbulences of life such as isolation from ones peers and heartbreak, and Goth is a much broader subculture, and while it does embrace the darkness in these manifestations, it also embraces the darkness in a lot of other manifestations. Emo seems to be more about a creative release for one's personal troubles, and Goth seems to be more about appreciating the darkness in the world around you. As such, the effect that joining the two different subcultures, or a combination of them, may have, when it comes to depression, may well be quite different. 

The second thing that I am surprised at is that they chose to look at specifically teens, and seem to be writing as if Goth is a youth subculture, something only partaken of as a teen and young person. Goth may be a phase for some, but it is a lifelong commitment to a beautiful artistic world of dark beauty for some of us. One thing I would be intrigued to know is the breakdown of how many of those that identified as Goths as teens would do so now, and how many of those who didn't might do now. Perhaps it would be interesting to see if there is any relation to those for whom Goth was a phase and higher or lower rates of depression; Goth and other dark subcultures can seem like a place of asylum in the original sense of the word - a haven - somewhere where they can safely express themselves with less judgement than from their conventional peers, and where the content of the culture can be cathartic, or a means to express painful emotions, and maybe if the connection is based more on having a safe group within which to express and be open about troubling emotions, as they fluctuate, or as other coping mechanisms and support networks form, and as adults can be less openly judgemental than teens and more mature in their understanding of mental health, some of those teens may have moved away from Goth. Some of them, like me, may have fallen in love with dark side, and stayed for good! Anyway, to better understand the relation of Goth and depression, it would probably be interesting to see whether those who identified as Goth as teens still did as adults, and how rates of depression continued, including in relation to whether or not they later left the subculture. 

The third thing is that more detailed inquiry into the personal relationship for those who identified as Goth and were showing high indications of depression, was not further explored. I think this was a large enough statistical study as it was, and it would have been hard to transfer personal experience into statistical data when a lot of those relationships are probably not easily quantifiable. Personal testimony and explanation would need to be examined, and that is not a research task I'd have any clue as a person outside of the field, on how to conduct, but I imagine those who are researchers in psychology and anthropology would probably have suggestions (and I image that there are probably a few amongst my readers). One thing postulated at the end of the article in the lancet was whether Goth music would aggravate depression in Goths, but personally, I don't think that "Listening to repeated music from the goth genre might lower mood and exacerbate symptoms of depression" as the paper suggest rings true for Goths; it might work if that music is played to people who don't have a predisposition to liking it, but for most Goths I have met, listening to our music makes us happy; that's why we listen to it! Some find it a release, some find it a comfort in knowing they are not alone, some find it cathartic, but I have never come across a Goth who finds that it makes them feel worse.

I think it is an interesting study to have been done, and I am very happy with the fact that the researchers were clear to state that CORRELATION DOES NOT EQUATE TO CAUSATION. Sadly, some of the newspapers and other media have ignored this fundamental point of logic, and some articles have been less than favourable. I am not going to link to those articles, because every page view is revenue for them. I will, however, link to this ::article:: in the Guardian written by Simon Price, who was Goth back in the '80s in London, and I think has had subcultural leanings ever since by what he said in the article. I would also like to commend the BBC on their coverage. They even interviewed one of my friends - Holly Weeping Willow; a Gothic model and someone who is professionally a Goth in other ways - for the radio, although I haven't got a link to that audio yet. Their articles on the subject have been more balanced and the main one can be read ::here::, with a more detailed personal account ::here::. While personal anecdotes can be the "enemy of good science" as Simon Price said in his article, I think it needs to be noticed that similar themes come up in nearly all of them, including my own, and it would indicate to me that perhaps "good science" ought to come in and explore those connections better with proper research. The Independent seems to have a reasonable and balanced article, but with a clickbait headline and that is ::here::.

My main concern is that people will use these findings to target Goths as potentially mentally ill, that it will fuel stigmas that we are all 'crazy' or depressed. That is not the fault of the researchers, who seem keen to avoid this, but of the way some people will use this data for their own agenda. I can't say that I don't have my own protective bias towards the Goth community, because I certainly do (the community has protected me, and I feel duty bound to reciprocate), but I am at least aware of that, and open about it, which is more than I can say for those with a bias against Goth who report in a sensationalist manner about it. 

Friday, 28 August 2015

I Was Disconnected From The Internet

I apologise to all my readers. I have recently moved house, following a trip to visit family in Wales, and I was supposed to have my new house reconnected ages ago, but there was an error on the part of our provider and internet access was delayed. I only had occasional internet on my mobile phone at places with internet access (such as cafes offering wi-fi to customers), so not enough to update my blog and inform readers. I am back, though, and I start university next week! Lots of exciting things going on right now. I will try and keep things up-to-date here, but I am quite busy, so it may be patchy. Apologies in advance if I vanish again; I have a house to renovate and a university course in architectural technology to begin!